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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Has anyone been fooled into marrying someone for a visa to stay here?

35 replies

mpeters82 · 16/08/2018 00:17

Hi all

I'm just asking on behalf of a friend she known a guy a few months but he moving things so fast. He wants marriage and he hinted about moving in with her and her.
She did really like him at first but she realized something was not right about him so told him no. He still message and she found herself giving him another try. She had to tell her friends she ended it. I told my friend be very careful and she better off without him.
So she found herself getting drawn in to him again maybe because it's a long time she has had that sort of thing with a guy.
I have spoken to her tonight and she has decided to play along as she could be wrong. She is a bit distant she feels he changed a bit as she told him how she feels.
I am worried as she says she likes him too much now to let him go so she is playing along and waiting to see if she can get to the bottom of this. If it's true she told she will block him for good and report him. I told her be very careful.
Any advice on what to tell her? I mean I feel he after visa and she like torn. She feels she should block him tonight. What should she do? She been crying as she thought he was a nice guy.

OP posts:

Electrascoffee · 16/08/2018 00:20

Why does she think that he is trying to marry her so he can get a visa?

Movablefeast · 16/08/2018 00:23

One of my best friends married a Polish guy who completely changed once she was married and he had a visa. He was absolutely horrible to her, which was so heartbreaking as she loved his Polish family and her MIL. She had to get a divorce and she felt completely deceived, as did everyone who had been at the wedding in the UK.

Electrascoffee · 16/08/2018 00:26

I didn't think EU citizens needed a visa? (Until we leave EU)

Alfiemoon1 · 16/08/2018 00:34

Not me personally but my sisters friend met and married an a bloke from Egypt much younger than her. She had previously had a hysterectomy they plodded on ok he got his visa claimed he wanted kids so left her moved his girlfriend over think they are now married and have kids. Sisters friend is lucky he worked didn’t take her house etc

Did she learn no she’s married yet another younger Egyptian except she can’t get this one into the country she has taken early retirement ( despite her being stupid over blokes she was a professional career woman ) so she is shacked up with her husband spending her money doing up his parents house / slum up so they can all live in it

Just tell your friend to be cautious

Solasshole · 16/08/2018 03:33

Had a friend who married someone who was blatantly only doing it for a visa. I think it was wilfull ignorance on her part as she wanted a child and didn't have a partner and she is also morbidly obese so perhaps thought no one else would want her/therefore difficult to have a child and so on. She got a kid from him though and seems happy enough so guess it worked out ok ish? Not sure if they're still married as cut contact with her for other reasons.

MadgeMidgerson · 16/08/2018 04:07

Marrying a uk citizen does NOT give you an automatic right to live and work in the uk

this is pretty basic, actually

Showpony2 · 16/08/2018 04:15

Moveablefeast -Polish people don’t need a visa to stay in the UK, as they are EU nationals.

Solasshole · 16/08/2018 05:02

*should add this wasn't in the UK so different immigration laws

Original poster

mpeters82 · 16/08/2018 05:27

The guy she is seeing is from nigeria.

She said she just going to play along. But she seemed so upset and I said she start to feel so close to him.

She does not want to marry him now. Until she figures this out.

I don't know how these visa work. Could his time be running out? He too full on.

OP posts:

Thatsfuckingshit · 16/08/2018 05:34

She isn't playing along.

She likes him, knows what he is up to but somewhere along the line she will be proved wrong.

But I suspect she will do it. Her choice though. She could just dump him. No need to play along. She isn't comfortable with his intentions. She would walk away

mykidsmyworld · 16/08/2018 05:49

If she thinks something is off then something is off. I don't see the point of her trying to get to the bottom of it when she already thinks he's in it for visa. And if he's from Nigeria he's is probably going to use her just to get his papers. She should move on.

Grasslands · 16/08/2018 05:50

not sure it's even possible without deep pockets...
not sure about nigeria but many temporary visa's don't permit marriage.
you have to apply for a fiance visa and to qualify you need to meet specific criteria which includes a certain income and savings.

MistressDeeCee · 16/08/2018 05:53

No, I haven't. But I know a good few women who've married men from overseas (non-EU) only to find once they've 'done their time' and hung around until they're granted indefinite leave to remain in the UK via marriage, they run off.

Has your friend even met this guy? From the way you speak it sounds like an online 'romance'. Whatever the case I bet she's not the only woman he's speaking to.

Rosetintedglass · 16/08/2018 06:19

This sounds like a fictional online romance rather than anything real. Have either of you met this man in real life? Spunds like you are just trawling for stories to feed propoganda rather than seeking genuine support.

sashh · 16/08/2018 07:00

A friend's father married someone he met in Cuba and took on her two children.

A few years on, she and her children are British citizens and bang, she wanted a divorce. Before the decree nisi he was diagnosed with dementia, she never went through with the divorce. There was going to be a court case where his brother was trying to get the divorce granted but friend's dad went missing a few days before and then was found dead.

No one could find a will.

My friend fought her on the money she inherited and did get some of his father's estate but has nothing to remember him by like photos.

If he is in the UK then he may be barred from marriage but of he can get married it is harder to remove him from the country.

Maybe a call to the home office to check his status would clear things up.

Movablefeast · 16/08/2018 07:08

All I can say is it definitely happened, it was about 20 years ago. It was heartbreaking as he had really love bombed her. She is a devout Catholic and she absolutely loved the Polish culture.

Movablefeast · 16/08/2018 07:09

It would've been before Poland joined the EU.

Original poster

mpeters82 · 16/08/2018 07:52

I have told her to walk away but she wants string him along. She said she knows he don't have money.
She called me crying not long ago saying she can't do this. She just angry he tried to fool her and wants him to pay. She avoiding marrying him and giving money.
She just unsure what to do but he made her get feelings for him and she said she can't let him go.
This is very serious and real post. I never thought I would see my friend in this position and she can't believe it too. I seen pictures of them.
Is there a way she can call immigration and they find out his status? Then she knows for sure.

OP posts:

Original poster

mpeters82 · 16/08/2018 10:25

I'm so shocked by her she told me she could go through with it. She said I was right to walk away. She blocked him but she told him her ex was threatening etc. Which is true too. She just had to get herself out of this with him.
She is upset but she done the right. I told her a guy will come along make her happy one day and she just needs to be careful.
She thanked me for everything. I just hope she be okay now.

OP posts:

broccolicheesebake · 16/08/2018 10:47

I have a friend who married a guy from abroad. She did an adventure holiday tour thing out there and he was a guide, he was declaring love by end of holiday. They married and live here now. From what I see and she tells me, he treats her appallingly and it's clear he doesnt love her, though she believes he does. She supports his family financially and I suspect that is a big motivation for him in staying. It is sad to see how much she is being taken avantage of.

MapleLeafRag · 16/08/2018 11:25

Rather than stringing him along, she should just end things and move on.

Fedup84 · 16/08/2018 13:01

Can I just say they are not all in it for a visa, I met my husband 15 years ago we had 3 kids and only married 4 years ago. I did help him get his Indefinate leave in 2008 but we did it through the human rights act, he stuck around and is a great dad , unfortunately our marriage has broken down due to us drifting apart

dirtybadger · 16/08/2018 13:20

One of my friends married someone so they (the DH) could get a visa (sort of). There are some other cultural stuff mixed in too (semi arranged marriage).

They got married faster than they would have otherwise, for the visa. But they had to move OUT of the UK to get married (she's British) and then lived in mainland Europe (neither are from there or spoke the language) for a good while before they could get back into the UK legitimately on the basis that she can/could support him (she has a professional job etc). They're happy years later and expecting their first DC.

Anyway, I think the point of the above story was that it probably isn't as easy as him simply being able to get a VISA on the basis of marriage given how long it took for them to be able to settle properly here. He's being a bit naive there I expect

Encourage your friend to go no contact and move on. She could fuck with him (psychologically) but what does she gain from that when she could be genuinely enjoying herself doing other things and maybe even meeting a decent bloke?

legolimb · 16/08/2018 13:27

Have they met in real life or is this an online relationship?

Original poster

mpeters82 · 16/08/2018 13:32

Ofcourse they met in person. He was so full on from start my friend could not handle it. They did sleep together quickly. The last time it all changed so suspects something up.
She is really cut up over this. Why are men like th

OP posts:

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