What does she mean

[Keemora]

Hi all,
So currently pregnant with my first baby, father has decided to run away. Tried contacting him and his parents to inform them when the baby is due and what I'm having and that I'm happy to take a DNA test (which is usually required when a guy doesn't want to stand up to his responsibility) but also to say its not fair that the child will not get to know his father and grandparents.
No reply from him but his mum replied saying "I will be in touch"
What does she mean by that?
Does she mean that she will contact me when the child is born for the DNA test?
Maybe I'm over thinking it but I've had no help or support from their side of the family so far and I mean nothing.

Thanks in advance

She probably needs time to process the news.

If she were uninterested she would have ignored your message.

She'll message you again I'm sure, but obv I can't predict what she will say. Take it as it comes.

Is she nice? Did you get on well? It could mean she’s going to speak to the little scroat and get him to step up or it could mean nothing and you’ ll never hear from her again.

Have you responded? You could say ‘please do ASAP so I don’t have to involve a solicitor’.

It could just mean I hear you loud and clear but I’m in the middle of all this and need to talk to the father before I respond properly.

what help and support do you expect from her?

I don't expect any help or support from her. I would just like my child to know his other side of his family. That is all I expect from her. I'll struggle to accept anything else from her.
She doesn't know me at all. Her son and I ended up seeing each other then he ghosted and then I found out I was pregnant. Told him and he came back for 3 weeks to play mind games to persuade me to have an abortion.
She has known about the pregnancy since 10 weeks and I'm now 21 weeks.
I'm sure she has spoken to him but he has blamed me for that because he was trying to hide it from them.
I haven't responded because I didn't know what to say to that.

I honestly would try not to expect anything that way you will not be disappointed. This is all out of your control.

@Fuzzywig
Yeah I'm definitely trying not to. It doesn't seem like she's any better than her son. I've done it by myself so far.
I just don't want to be the one that has to do the explaining for their behaviour

How long was your relationship with him? You say she doesn't know you at all, so you're pretty much a stranger carrying her son's child.

Expect nothing. Let them know when the baby arrives, then it's up to them.

its understandable to want this for your child OP but as others have said, you can't really expect that from these people just because you'd like it, sad though that is, it is up to them.
That said i think whilst brief, and "i'll be in touch" is reasonably promising actually, since she doesn't know you and this is presumably quite a shock in their lives.

I'd wait and see if you hear from her in due course, as there's not really anything you and she need to discuss regarding the matter, the baby won't be born for a while. Try not to involve yourself too heavily, her son will likely be her priority at the end of the day here as she is hardly going to want to fall out with him, keep the badmouthing of him ( even if he is a colossal twat, even if it is trye) to yourself/your friends if you really want her to be involved.
If you hear from nobody post-birth, take the correct route to pursue financial support from the baby's father. If DNA forms a part of this then so be it, if you know he is the father , that is not a large hurdle.

Unfortunately you can't force someone to be in your child's life. And while it is morally questionable it really is up to them if they want anything to do with their grandchild being raised by a stranger.
Financial help from the Dad, absolutely - pursue that til the cows come home but have in your mind you are raising baby by yourself and anything that happens above that is a bonus (hopefully, if they're decent people)

Thank you everyone for the advice.
Yeah when I messaged her I wasn't really expecting a reply if I'm honest. I have made up my mind that I will be doing this on my own already.
The DNA test I have absolutely no problem with because I'm a billion percent sure he's his and the father knows that.
Honestly I don't think they are good people and I know i made a huge mistake by sleeping with her son unprotected and I just don't want my son to pay for my mistake.
It's truly sad to think this is how some people are.
I don't even know if I want to send any information when my son is born because they have done absolutely nothing and this pregnancy hasn't been easy at all.

@SandyY2K she doesn't know me and I am a stranger. She's a stranger to me and I am to her.
Her son and I were just seeing each other. He basically lied to get what he wanted and I fell for it even though I spent time getting to know this ass.
He then ghosted and I only contacted him when I found out i was pregnant. He even came back as I said in my previous post, tried to convince me to have an abortion, even telling that his dad had a stroke the night before while I sat waiting at my Bpas appointment

Keemora I have been in a similar situation and my child is now 2.5 and has no contact with the father or his family. I tried for years to get him involved and it drove me crazy! I simple stopped trying and it was a massive weight off my shoulders. I still have down days about it but I just tell myself it's only a moment and it will pass. My child won't go without and will always be loved by me and my family.

I don't understand the motivation of all the key figures here. What was that man thinking not wearing a condom? Why also did you allow for unprotected sex to happen? If, as you said, you were just seeing him, for a short time, didn't know him well or even properly met his family (as it normally happens in established serious relationships), you couldn't have had an intention to have a child together with this man?

I'm afraid this is very unrealistic to expect anything from him and his mother. It's not like a lot of thought went into making this baby, and these 2 figures - father and grandma - are unlikely to play their roles in the child's life.

He and his mum sound very much like my dds dad and his mum.
We are no contact. They were psychopaths

She raised a feckless fucker, she will stay loyal to her ds likely and you will have obviously conceived deliberately to trap him, or your name is Mary.
I wouldn't want a dc around a family where my ex was absent, it would be like they know he is a twat but hey ho tough.
And ring cms when dc arrives. He is still liable to support your dc regardless of his input irl. They will give him the chance to order dna tests.

@BloodyDisgrace it's so easy to judge when you are not in the situation or know someone close to you in the situation.
Again I'm not here to be judge, I asked a simple question.
Even though the child wasn't planned, he has every right to look after the child. If his mother wants nothing to do with the child then cool.. I extended the olive branch and just wanted to know what she meant by it.

Unplanned pregnancies happen all the time, not something you should be dug up about, god I fell pg with a coil, 4th baby and MIL was not impressed, thankfully tho my OH told her to sort her attitude or be cut out!.
In your situation however I think you have done the right thing in trying to involve them. Just remember u cant force it. In the long run it will be their loss, when ur son is old enough u can explain that u did try to have them in his life. By the sounds of it you will both be happier without them. Good luck xx

@Aprilshowersinaugust
I know she's thinking I kept this baby to trap him but honestly her son has nothing to give me. I have my own place, work for way more money than he does etc., my child is already provided for and he's not here yet. The only thing that he has I don't have is he drives and that's it.
I even said to her, I'm happy to take the DNA test and trust me the only reason I would want to go through CMS is I know he will deny the child and a DNA test will have to be done and the truth will come out then.
I don't know why clearing my name is so important right now but it is.
Her son has nothing that I want and I can genuinely say I do not want anything to do with him.
I just feel so guilty that because of my actions my son has to pay a price of the other side of his family not wanting to know him. I'm just scared of the questions he will eventually ask I guess.

@Lo82..
Thank you so much. It can happen and I think that's what's cutting me up is the fact that people are so quick to judge.
I have tried and I know i can't force it. I just don't want it to get bitter but thank you :-) x

Mumsnet is an amazing font of knowledge. My advice from what I've read on different threads is to please, please think very carefully about registering your baby with his name on the child's birth certificate. If the father and his family want to be involved they should be doing the running not you.

Cms assume you to be the df unless you have a test done through them and it's negative . When it shows he is he will have to pay them the cost of the testing also!!

@AbbieLexie
I don't plan to put him on the birth certificate because he has done absolutely nothing at all. Also if I did, as much as he wouldn't want to have anything to do with the child he would go for full custody just to spite me. I'm not planning on chasing them anymore. I didn't even reply to that response she sent.

@Aprilshowersinaugust
Im sure that she will be in touch with me for a DNA test and as I said before I'm happy to do one but either way they are paying for it.
Surely any normal person would think she must be telling the truth because why would she be offering to take a DNA test.

@Keemora, yes i agree ppl can be very judgemental, esp on here i find when in my opinion OPs are looking for some constructive comments or support. I dont see the point in just stopping to have a dig... if u dont like something scroll on xx
I have every faith everything will work its self out & once ur beautiful bundle is in ur arms u will realise how un-important these ppl are xxx

Thing is the mother can’t really do anything until the baby arrives anyway can she? So I’ll be in touch is all I’d expect tbh. She doesn’t know OP, her son shagged someone and know the woman is pregnant so it’s not like they had a close mil/daughter in law relationship or anything.

Personally I wouldn’t write her off as a bad grandma just yet as at the moment it’s an awkward situation really but once a baby is actually here and is a proper person it does change things.

Once baby arrives I’d send 1 more email/message with a photo saying x has arrived etc etc and feel free to get in touch if you would like to meet your grandchild. Then I wouldn’t contact again

Surely any normal person would think she must be telling the truth because why would she be offering to take a DNA test I don’t agree, someone lying about who the dad was would/could say the same hoping the other party would think that way.