Is this emotional abuse?

[Vickyglitz]

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4. He has a bad temper and has raised his fist at me before but not punched me. He has pushed and shoved me when we had bad arguments. We have an 8 week old daughter and I've been dying to go stay with my parents abroad so that I can catch a break and get my mom's help. Getting a passport for our baby hasn't been the easiest however and we are still waiting. He keeps saying I'm depressed and all I talk about is going abroad. One day we fought because I want to give the cat away and he said he wouldn't get our baby a passport (I need his consent to get one) or let me go on holiday with her. He's always arguing with me and saying I'm useless and don't do anything around the house, just mope how I want to go abroad. I don't mope, but all my time is taken up by our child and I would appreciate help from my parents. I also want to see my family. When we fight he always calls my parents to complain about me because he knows it freaks me out as I don't want my parents involved in our relationship. When I called the police on him for raising his fist he called my parents and all our friends and told them about it. On the phone to my parents he kept shouting how he won't let our baby leave the country. I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I am considering divorce because we fight every day and he's always shouting in front of the baby. I don't want her to grow up like this. She cries when he shouts and startles.

This is definitely abuse

Bloody hell, do you really need to ask? Divorce

Why do you need him to get a passport? Do it yourself. then go.

Yes, I'm not sure about how you feel this could be mountain/molehill territory, it sounds like a car crash. Saying you're useless, threatening not to give consent for a passport, shouting and raising his fist - ! - are all abusive behaviours. Imagine what you'd think if a stranger treated you this way.

He is doing the passport now... but we still fight every day. I'm so sick of him calling my parents. He claims I'm spoilt and he's tolerated my crap long enough. I want to go to my friend's wedding and he's refusing to come. He keeps saying my priority is to party when we have different priorities now because of the baby. I'm still allowed to leave my baby with my parents and go to my friend's wedding especially as she came to mine. He says he's spending a lot of money and can't afford all these travels and weddings. I earn more than double what he does so I don't have these financial worries.

That's abuse and he is controlling you. He is using your parents against you.

There are times when he is super caring and supportive. He always cooks and helps around the house and during my pregnancy we were a great team. But it seems like he's not the man I married because anything sets him off nowadays...

Every time we fight he says one more word from me and I am calling your parents. I don't want to give them that stress but I feel like if we get divorced my parents will FREAK OUT. There is no divorce in my family and I come from a culture where it's not a norm.

Do you want to be stuck in this relationship to please your family? Maybe try couples therapy. He isn't treating you right and is raising his fists to you. What would happen if you kept pushing him? Also it sounds like he is trying to make you seem unstable to your parents so he can control you.

Divorce!

God, divorce him. No question.

Maybe he cant afford the wedding. If you earn double why are you expecting him to contribute the same?

Divorce him
Don't put up with this shit

You are being abused. You don't need his permission to get a passport

Every time we fight he says one more word from me and I am calling your parents

Is he 5???

It's abuse op and I would get out of this awful relationship sooner rather than later

He is emotionally abusing you. And trying to make out your the bad person. Why doesn't he phone 'his' parents instead of yours? Bizarre and odd behaviour.

Jesus. I have put up with similar for over 10 years. Constant undermining and calling my mum, dad, grandparents - telling them intimate details about our sex lives. I had enough and started mediation process. He became worse (not physical) so eventually I called the police non emergency number and they interviewed me and have taken me seriously - referring the case to sexual assault division. The abuse only really started once I was pregnant with our first child, which followed a period of lovebombing. He then started being nasty to my son from a previous relationship too. Counselling does not work really. I had sexual counselling (I wasn't doing it enough - knackered was the conclusion of the counsellor) and couples therapy (he ranted about my imagined affairs). I am hoping that I will finally get some resolution. Of course you should be able to go home and see your parents/go to a wedding with your new baby! If he loved you he would want what makes you happy. I am finally realising this after 2 shit relationships. Be kind to yourself. You are obviously more than capable of supporting you and your daughter. The 'startling' thing made me feel really sad for you. I remember my babies doing that at the clang of a saucepan being dropped - shouldn't be from her dad's raised voice

Do not try couples therapy with an abuser!