Mixed messages from ex and I am going to fkn pieces

[colditz]

I found out today that he has been emailing random women on the internet saying he "Likes sex on the side" although he is "trying to get back with his girlfriend" (me!)

we split up 3 months ago, but with a view to making our relationship work.

He says he misses me and the kids desperately, and when I challenged him about the women he has been emailing, says he has a laugh winding them up.

he says he loves me and doesn't want to split up for good.

Five minutes later, after I have said i don't know if I can trust him, he is saying he can't see the point in getting back together.

I don't even know why I am even bothering to type this message to be honest

Bugger have been caught wallowing and having soppy and sad feelings.

damnit

Hes not there is he?
I was just thinking oh hes not there, shes not being seen being a big sap...that ok...but youve been caught? Damn it, pull your socks up!
Or are you talking cod?...hmm

no, cod hs virtually caught me metaphorically hugging my teddy when my public persona is more vandalising things and painting my room black.

o he is a tosser but SOMETIMES donst email owhte rwomen wnatign sex
hmm he dousns great

colditx for farks sake
WHY woudl you love him?

delete him form your phone
BIM HIM
BIN the relate
you are now a single woman

I'm coming in late on this one. Can't sleep.

Colditz, ahhh, so difficult. Please, please adjust your mindset about this man. Is this a noble thing to do? To trawl the internet emailing 'random women' touting for sex on the side?

I always enjoy your posts. You're a strong woman brought down by ... by what?

Sometimes, with men, you have to hit rock bottom before you can start rising.

Tomorrow morning, start rising.

Yep. Rise Rise Rise. Well Said.

colditz.....you binned the cigarettes...though it would have been tough to see a life without them at the time.....sooo, from what I read.....this situation shouldn't be far behind.

Treasure those memories of being loved and cherished..it did happen...and can again....just not with ex-p.

Message withdrawn

colditz - bit late here and you're probably feeling much better today. Just wanted to say that I am going through something very similar, and H has turned into a complete shit, but even after the way he's treated me I want the old H back. The man I married and love so very much is in there somewhere and I keep hoping and praying he'll come back. I just can't let go even though I know I should.

But my head is telling me I have to, like everyone has said here there comes a point when you realise you deserve better.

But then I look at him and remember our happiness and the great life we would have had if he could just act like an adult and face up to his responsibilities.

Only the other we day we had a big talk and he said how he loves us, misses ds, knows that he has everything he wants right in front of him. Then a few minutes later says he needs some time and space to decide if it really is what he wants?! WTF!

No advice I'm afraid because I've tried so many things to distance myself from him and move on and nothing is working yet.

But just wanted to say you're not alone.

I'm sure it has to get better soon.

Colditz, I am going through something similar and I too am trying to find the strength to get rid. My H has been visiting mobile phone chat rooms, spending a small fortune (which we don't have) on them, and also calling and texting another woman. It's the chat room thing I find hard to stomach though; it's so...eeuurrgghhh...finding random, anonlymous women for what is no doubt sex chat. It's all so degrading and disgusting, and no way for a husband and father to behave. However, I can't tell him I know because he will then know I have been checking his phone and last time he found out I had been checking up on him me and the kids ended up in a refuge!
But for all this, I can't find that last bit of strength I need. But I know I will soon, as I cannot even bear to look at him now, knowing that he spends every night talking to these other women while I lay in bed alone. Just has to be done.

Colditz, I spent 20 years going by the adage that we are responsible for our own feelings, not anyone else.

But now I know that if someone makes you feel like shit, theres no point in hanging around.

Youre too strong for that.

And if youve got Cod posting on the relationship board - youve got a lot of support!

Colditz a hug to you. I am not is same position, but nkow that soemhow you will get the stength to do the right thing for you, and your kids.

It's hard to walk away from a relationship that you have invested so much emotion and time into. But sometimes a relationship is so bad that it just isn't worth the sacrifices you would make to stay in it. Horrible time for you Colditz. Feel for you and hope you feel more positive soon.

Good luck. You can get away. In five years time you will wonder what you ever saw in the wretched man in the first place.

The thing is, you can't force someone to love you. You can't make them want to stay in a relationship with you. The more you try to please someone who does not love you or no longer loves you, the worse, unfortunately, that person will treat you. If the XP is a decent person at all, then the XP will be feeling some guilt, but unfortunately we dislike people who we feel guilty about, even more.

Walk away and remember every day away makes you stronger and helps you heal.

COLDITZ where are you

here Missus Coddington-Dogsby

I will do what is right for me, I will have to, but I have to be completely and utterly sure in my mind first.

I went back to bed this morning while he took the kids out, and he shouted me down this afternoon with a cup of tea, a bacon sandwich, and an abject apology.

So that is why I keep veering back.

so many women put up with good providers whose eyes never wander, who nevertherless never changed a nappy and would end up with SS being called were they ever left in full charge of the kids for a week - my problem is opposite.

I'm still not letting him move back in - I've told him that loud and clear. I can't live with him. End of.

You do need to make up your mind for yourself colditz, does the bacon sarnie make up for his bad bits?
I know where your coming from, and yes people do settle for less, or different. But you dont HAVE to.
But you do need to make up your own mind Good luck.

Though it may take a while, because this man is your DCs dad and therefore you will have to have some contact with him, there will come a point where you and he have a pleasant, amicable relationship (i mean, as two human beings relating to one another, not as in a 'couplehood' thing). Look forward to that day. You'll get there.

You see, it sounds as though you are naturally monogamous and he is not. For monogamous people to attempt to pairbond with people who are not monogamous always ends in misery for one if not both of them.