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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving on from a narc

3 replies

Ovo21 · 15/08/2018 17:13

I have always read posts on all things child related on here and never posted but my counsellor advised it may help so here goes.

I got into a relationship with a narcissist, at first he seemed like the perfect man and then he completely changed. I was being emotionally abused for over a year but I guess I was in denial. He pretty much made my life horrible, I was depressed and realised it was him causing all of these feelings. He had completely ruined my self esteem and I ended things almost 2 months ago, I knew I had to for the sake of myself and my daughter. He then begged, cried and pleaded and said things would be different this time because he finally understood, I knew this was rubbish we'd broken up before and nothing changed.
I went no contact which only lasted a week. I felt the need to check he was ok, I felt bad for leaving him but when I called the real him had made a reappearance and he was abusive again. So I said delete my number and move on, which is what I intended to but it's not been easy for me! I blocked him on social media etc. But we have mutual friends and I have seen him happy and getting back out there whilst I've been at an all time low beating myself up about the situation.

A few weeks ago we spoke and he really wanted to see if me and my daughter were ok and kept asking, so we had chit chat and he said he was happier and glad I was feeling better. At the weekend I had a week moment because I still miss him and i texted him and he made it quite clear he is fine. In fact his actual words were I'm a hard person to get over, don't u know who I am to which I replied I guess I'm that easy to get over and he ignored me. Since then I have found out that he has been messaging my distant female friends asking to go out with them etc. (He has constantly flirted with other women and not acted how u should in a relationship so not a surprise) and it has just made me miserable, I feel annoyed I fell for his nonsense and think everythings been a lie.

I want to move forward but im still analysing the situation and why he would act like this after. I'm worrying about what else I'm going to see or find out because it still hurts and I find myself thinking is this really it? For someone who begged me to give it another go how can he just act like it was nothing, do the above and then be so cold when i texted and ignore me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Toptheginup · 15/08/2018 18:23

My best advice would be never contact him again.
Don't try to show him what he's missing, don't try to get revenge.
Move on completely, the healing process will hurt like hell but in time you will be fine.
Go no contact and look after yourself well.
You really will be fine without this loser.
Flowers

Toptheginup · 15/08/2018 18:25

And find something to engage your brain, do not look at his social media. X

jeaux90 · 15/08/2018 20:43

Because they (narcs) hate themselves they need a constant "supply". That was you, it still is you until you go fully no contact.

Honestly it's the only way. I speak from experience on this.

He can move on from you because he is not capable of love.

Stop feeling sorry for him. As women we are conditioned by society to be kind and care. Don't, because they don't change, ever.

The therapist that my ex narc saw told me to take my kid and run. I did just that.

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