Billy No Mates...

[Squidgee]

I was watching a video on FB today about your friendships being like trees.. the leaves being the friends who only stay a little while. The branches being those who stay longer, but will still break during the hard times.
Then the roots.. those being the friends with you through everything..

I sat here and I thought.. I have no roots.

In the last year, since I broke up with my ex I can count 3 people who have bothered with me. 3.

Even those three I have had to reach out to and arrange to see.

Not one person has asked how I am, how i'm coping.

I just feel so fucking lost and worthless. I thought leaving him would open up this whole world of being free from him and his controlling behaviour, of having a fucking life again.

And instead i'm more lonely than ever.

I am too weird for anyone to ever fucking bother with me again.. i'm a waste of bloody space.

I just want a best friend who is physically here, who I can rely on..

Can't really offer much advice but came here to say im kinda in the same boat. It's shit feeling so lonely within yourself that you could disappear and feel like no one would notice... I have 2 friends, but even one of those is pretty one sided. I still make the effort, although almost feels like I got to take what I get.. Maybe try hobbies or gym to meet new people?

I was like that when I left my exh, even my family stuck with him. It takes a little time, not too long, but you do get to know who your real friends are and you get to make more over time.

I think making friends as an adult is a completely different ball game and tends to happen when you see people regularly, usually through some sort of hobby. Do you do get out there much?

Yep, when I split with my ExP he got the friends.
He's been in the area since birth so they are HIS friends.
Not really mine.
And they all dropped me instantly.
He was a total c*nt to me but they didn't really care.
Not very nice but that's the way it is.

I do have roots but they don't live near me. So we all have to travel to see each other - which we do, but I have many lonely weekends where I visit my parents.
My sister who was also my best friend also died this year and she was local so I lost that too.

I just get on with things.
Make plans to see family and friends and travel to see them or them to me.
Not much more I can do really.

Why are you too weird?
Can you get into something locally?
I joined an Am-Dram group and am loving it and have a whole new friendship group. They aren't my besties but we do things together sometimes.

@Squidgee I put a very similar post to this up last week! I'm still in exactly the same position as you so sadly no wisdom to give ! However, I am now learning to find joy in small things. I accept I'm alone and have no one to turn to. I've literally just given up with old friends and also now with making new as it leads no where & I'm tired of it all being one way! I have found there is a peace in acceptance . I have invested even more time in myself & my children and we now do something fun everyday, however small . I am encouraged to think more positively and have fun instead of pondering. Yesterday we went for a long rural walk and today we played board games and made a curry from scratch! We laughed a lot & I focused on all that have and not what I'm missing. I and others,will suggest you join groups and put yourself out there and that is indeed good advice. I personally have tried these suggestions many times and found people really are just selfish 'busy' twunts!
I'm returning to work in Sept after a long period at home with the kids and this will defo help me. I have reluctantly accepted over the years that the summer holidays are a lonely place to be . I've not personally seen anyone now, apart from my children, since mid July! You are really not alone, there a lots of people in your shoes. My advice is stay positive and look for joy &
contentment outside of your friends. Focus on your family, your hobbies & yourself first. Good luck op. 💐

Good advice Fanny.

It's going to take some time lass. You need to find your place in life. All will come right.

I'm very introverted and it takes me literally years to form a true friendship. Until yesterday I had 3. Down to 2 now. :( But #1 phoned me 30 seconds after I messaged her to tell her what happened and let me down for an hour whilst she interjected with curses.

I'll take my solid root over the leaves any day.

Sob not down!

Ah big hugs. I think people can be quite selfish sometimes and only think about themselves. Sometimes it's better to just move on and find new friends rather than reaching out to people that never respond. I've become quite wise to this, and if after three invitations and three knock backs I don't bother after that.
Tough times always proves who your real friends are. I'm having a real shit time at the moment and only one person who isn't family, has messaged me this week.

OP where do you live? South west?

I think it takes time to find new friends OP and you probably weren't in the right frame of mind while you were with your ex. Now you are. You have to be interested in other people and a good listener to make friends. That requires less head noise and a more open, 'in the moment' attitude. Otherwise your energy is off and people pick up on that.
Start doing more things that you genuinely enjoy. Don't dismiss light, casual froendships as people have their own lives and only so much time to spread around. Smile, chat and be receptive. Your world will open up OP. It's never to late to make friends - casual or stronger friendships. All have value.

I can relate to this. The only 'friends' I have are people I work with, or have worked with. My ex isolated me from all my friends, throughout our marriage, and now we've split I literally so have my mum, my sister who I'm not really close to, and my son, who is a teenager and doesn't really want to spend time with me anyway. I find it hard to make friends as I find it hard to talk to people. It's shit. It's just as well I like my own company

Yeah, no advice but feeling in the same boat, Had little friends before, made a few knew ones when moved to foreign country. Now moved back again so lost those. Have yet to find work and kids to start school so am Billy no mates again. Hope it turns around for us all in the same boat soon

Welcome to the club.

Diana - i'm a good listener.. my problem there is people actually take advantage of that.. they're quick enough to come to me when they want something, need help or a shoulder to cry on, or advice because i'm the kind of person who will drop everything to help someone in need.

When I ask for help, or reach out.. can't find them for dust. They're all busy, they've made arrangements. "Well I might be free on the 4th of never" They promise to drop in one of the days, or let me know next time they're going out.. then don't bother.

Unlikely - No, i'm North unfortunately.