Hi everyone, I have been on mumsnet for a good while but opened a new account to post.
Firstly please excuse the fact I may not use punctuation or paragraphs correctly, 2 reasons
1- I’m not very good at it.
- I am shaking writing this and it not at the forefront of my mind.
Right I will begin, I have been with my husband for 19 years, and I think I am ready to call it a day. But I am terrified to tell him. He has never hit me But is very controlling (I think) I don’t really have friends I have people I talk to, school run etc. And I just can’t see myself doing another 14 years ( youngest will be 18 then) I did tell my aunts some of the things that have gone on and she was very shocked that I have managed to hide it so well all these years.
Examples of his behaviour include:
On the odd occasion when I have been out he won’t speak to me before never asks if I have had a nice night etc etc. I gave up on this eventually and actually haven’t been out For years.
The youngest is full time in September and I want to go back to work, but I know it will have to be a job he approves of ( no men) as once I passed comment that I wanted to do my nursing degree and he said “ if you do that I will leave you”
I had to change my driving instructor when learning to drive because he was a man.
( he didn’t even congratulate me when I passed)
He once had anal sex with me after I got drunk and passed out after a girls night in ( He was ok with girls nights in) when I asked and he said he did it to teach me a lesson.
He has done this a few times to me when he has been drunk just got into bed took what he wanted from behind. Then tooled over and gone to sleep.
I want to say that these incidents happened quite a few years ago and he hasn’t done anything like it since.
He does however put pressure on me for sex I struggle with my mental health and sex is the last thing on my mind.
About a year ago the same old conversation cropped up I’m not getting enough blah blah blah, I said ok I will make more of an effort for 2/3 times a week anyway if I am honest with my self I was putting up and shutting up to keep him happy.
Recently I lost a vey close family member they died on the Thursday and on the Sunday he was asking well are we having sex tonight coz if we don’t it won’t happen til Thursday. I was shocked.
Any way a few days ago I came clean and told him sometimes I don’t feel like sex. His reply was he is only asking for twice a week and do I expect him to be panting like a little lap dog waiting for him to throw him a bone. So is he saying I should put up and shut up? Should I? I don’t know what to do am I being unreasonable? If any of you want to ask me any questions I will do my best to answer as there’s is so much backstory here that it would be a very very long post.