mediation or solicitor or both?

[Oceandegree]

I'm trying to start divorce proceedings after 3 years separation. I need to act fairly quickly as he has plans to put the proceeds of a sale of one the properties he owned into a new 'business venture' and leave his work. (80+K). (he promised this money to us about 6 months ago so we could try and get somewhere but suddenly changed his mind).
He also still lives in the family home that was while I rent with the children. My name is not on the deeds. (I know this doesn't matter if we are married but I guess he could potentially sell up if I have not registered an 'interest'.
I have contacted a solicitor or two and they aske dfor his details but haven't got further than that as I am waiting for their reply.
I also contacted a mediator but I don't know if I should spend money here too. (I'm on a low income of 13K).
I am pretty sure he will not go to mediation and seems to have the idea that I should go back and cook his meals,iron,look after the kids and accept his critical comments all day as the the good wife

There's no way that is happening. I'm free but not quite free as we are not yet divorced and no financial commitments have been sorted out.

Also when do I tell him I am starting proceedings and how?

You need mediation or a sign off if you go to court so I would offer mediation to him. If he turns you down then you can get the MIAM.

I would only use mediation if you feel he will be reasonable and you trust him, otherwise there is little chance it will succeed.
If you chose a mediator make sure they are strong characters..I had one who just placates Ex when he got aggressive so it was an awful experience for me.

How to tell him depends on the relationship, if he is hostile then get ducks in the row, petition ready and do it the safest way for you. If he is amicable then face tp face explaining its time to resolve financial matters so that you each can have separate lives.
Does he pay CMS currently? Do you know joint income/assets etc?

You can file for divorce yourself, if both of you are reasonable, obviously much cheaper but it is definitely worth a solicitor to write up the financial consent order for any agreements reached.

Will child contact arrangements be an issue?

If he is aggressive then chose a solicitor with experience of abusive characters, rights for women or womens aid might have lists of experienced solicitors. I chose a lovely soft solicitor whilst Ex's were super aggressive. It was a mismatch and I often felt under protected as she could not understand Ex's behaviour

I think he will probably be hostile but not in a physical way. He was never physical. Quite manipulative though and has his hold all assets. (never shared bank account with me and put some 'household money' into my own account when we were together as I wasn't working for a few years with the 3 little ones).
He is more likely to just not sign documents out of spite or suddenly change his mind about something.
He has paid money into my account each month but this dropped considerably when he sold the rented house which has left me in some difficulty. This was never arranged by anyone else and he could pull the rest that he gives me any time.
Assets that I aware of are £160K from sold house (no mortgage), and the house he lives in (previous fam home) would be worth around 420K so probably at least 200K equity now.

His income is around 85 K, Mine is about 12,500 K