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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up of being accused of something i haven't done

19 replies

nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:18

I am so sick of my Dp slyley suggesting that i am having an affair.
The first time he did it was about 2 years ago. He came home and noticed 2 cups on the draining board. He asked me why there were two and i said, it was because i was too lazy to wash the other one up so i got a clean one out.
I knew right from the start what he was thinking and who he was thinking had been there.
He kept on mentioning it, and so i told him to just spit it out and say what he thought.
So he asked me if *** had been around. I laughed which probably wasn't the best thing to do but still. I replied no he hadn't and asked him why he thought he had. He said because there was two cups on the draining board.

Since then he has several times made comments about me seeing/sleeping with this guy.

Tonight, the phone rang. Dp answered it and it was silent and then someone hung up. He did the 1471 and it was a really werid number starting 00 something. He asked me if i knew who it was and i said no i didn't. He then mumbled something like 'it was probably your chap.
I ignored it and let it go. Then the phone rung again and he said "he's persistent isn't he, why don't you answer it". So i did and it was his daughter.

Later he asked me if i had given my number to any blokes when i went out the other week. I said no, and he said well you wouldn't admitt it would you.

I am so sick of having to defend myself against this.
What does he think i do witht the kids when this so called bloke comes around ?? Blindfold and gag them obviously.

OP posts:
tammybear · 18/08/2004 22:31

aww nutcracker. I can understand how annoying and frustrating that can be. And its such a normal simple thing to do, use more than one cup a day. I usually go through 4!! does he expect you to turn around and say yes you are seeing someone!? men! you should leave 3 cups out next time and say you've had a 3some

nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:33

LOL Tammybear, hadn't thought of that.

I suppose i could be flattered that he thinks i would be attracting all these blokes (yeah i wish).

It didn't bother me at first but, it's wearing a bit thin now. He obviously really thinks something is going on.

OP posts:
charliecat · 18/08/2004 22:34

I know just where your coming from, does he realise its his own insecurity that is making him feel like that?
Ask if he would have a woman round drinking coffee when you werent in when the kids were around, if he says NO! Then say so what makes you think I would?

nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:50

Yeah but i wouldn'tmind if he did CC as i know he wouldn't do anything.

He obviously doesn't trust me although i've never given him any reason not too.
Although once when he kept going on about a certain person, i did admitt that i fancied him and said that if i wasn't in a relationship then i would go for it.
I was trying to explain that as i had obviously chosen to be with him that i wouldn't do it but i don't think he got the mesage.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:50

Posted before i finnished then.

I was just sooo fed up of him going on about this bloke. Suppose it was a stupid thing to say though.

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tammybear · 18/08/2004 22:53

he's probably just feeling insecure. exp got all paranoid that i fancied one of his friends just because he thought he looked like orlando bloom, and he knows i like orlando bloom.

does he say it in a joking way, or is he quite serious?

charliecat · 18/08/2004 22:56

Hmmm, sometimes I think blokes like causing agro just for the pure hell of it, dont know why, they just do, attention, nothing better to think about/rattle on about?
I had written on my first post: coffee and sex on the sofa with the kids about but I deleted it!

nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:57

Well he doesn;t say it like he's asking me a serious question but just makes stupid remarks about it all the time.

I pretty sure he has checked my phone before too.

Oh and if i make the bed he thinks it's to cover up that i've been sg in it with someone

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nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:59

Blimey my kids go running to him as soon as i speak to another bloke so i'd have no chance doing anything else

He is quite insecure, he has a thing at the mo that his bits aren't big enough iykwim

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nutcracker · 18/08/2004 22:59

Oh and he thinks i'll run off with a younger model (he is 20 yrs older than me)

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tammybear · 18/08/2004 23:01

agree with charliecat, dp was like that, starting arguements for no apparant reason other than just because we hadnt argued in a while (they should have a confused looking face or something like that). i think rather than having a go at him for making those remarks, i think maybe he's just looking for attention so give it to him. make him feel secure as he sounds pretty insecure at the moment. maybe that will work

nutcracker · 18/08/2004 23:06

Yeah you may be right TB. Although knowing dp he'll wonder why i'm giving him sudden attention.

Can't win really. Will just have to keep denying it and hope he gets bored.

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charliecat · 18/08/2004 23:11

LOL, sounds a bit like me and dp...always looks at me oddly if im nice to him...much be a right witch!

tammybear · 18/08/2004 23:11

if he does say something again, just go up to him, put your arms around him and tell him theres only one guy for you and thats him. or something along those lines. use to do the trick for me when i was being accused of seeing someone else. but in reality when is it ever possible to go off seeing some other guy if you're living with your partner, have kids, and too busy doing housework or keeping the children entertained??

edam · 18/08/2004 23:26

Does he realise how much his comments are upsetting you? Sometimes I have to really, really spell things out for dh, or he just doesn't realise how much whatever it is is annoying me...
Hope the house is OK ? must have missed a few threads about it?

harrassedmum · 18/08/2004 23:31

Say 'dont jugde me by your standards pal!'

nutcracker · 18/08/2004 23:35

House is wonderful thanks Edam. I must put some more piccies on soon, you've just reminded me.

Harrasedmum - I have said that, but he knows i know he wouldn't do anything like that.

Problem is that his ex wife cheated on him, so i suppose he thinks i'll do the same.

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tammybear · 18/08/2004 23:39

ah that explains it a little bit more now nutcracker. its just down to insecurity. just remember most men dont express their feelings too well, so if he's worried, hes not going to let on to you that he is, he'll just do things that will upset you like these comments to cover it up

harrassedmum · 18/08/2004 23:51

Yeah that does explain it, hes just after a bit of reassurance, thought you cant go to ridiculous lengths to appease him its draining

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