Is he right

[Thinkingofausername1]

So. My dh has changed lately. Last night we had a huge row because he has developed this attitude that he should have a choice whether I hug him or give him affection. When I said I didn't agree with him, he grabbed me saying you don't have a choice now do you and I want a choice.
I then walked of to bed when he did it as I hadn't been feeling well all day and had a splitting headache as it was. He then instead of apologising came and argued with me in bed despite knowing I was upset and not well. I don't know what's wrong with him anymore. I just needed to vent I'm so sick of being with someone who has no emotion. Just anger and frustration

@Musti sorry to hear you were cheated on . What did you do when you found out?

@WeAreAllScientists
I'm hoping it's just a stress thing too. But the evening meetings and behaviour is now making me wonder if I have been right all the long.
Whilst he was shouting at me he said how he doesn't like feeling accused of shagging someone at work, when all I did was ask had he had a meeting at lunch time.
I can't help but feel this way though. He has acted quite rudely when I have seen his colleagues out and about and doesn't introduce me. If he does it's a 'my wife' instead of 'name' and 'my wife'. A lot of his female colleagues have also ignored me when he has done this and flirted with him in front of me. I've probably mentioned this in other threads before.

In regards to your question, of course he has a choice in whether you can show physical affection or not. Quite frankly it's really bad you'd think he didn't.

As for the rest, it's hard to tell, people always jump to the worst possible conclusion here and do so on limited information and half a story.

I tried to forgive him but he found me questioning him and going through his things intolerable so decided to end things. I just no longer trusted him. And after we split up I found that he had come on to my friend whilst I was in hospital with his child so I'm sure there were a few.

I'm no angel myself and I am no saint

What do you mean by this, OP? What do you do that's bad?

I think YANBU by the way, I am just wondering why you're running yourself down as you haven't done anything wrong that I can see.

If he doesn't like being touched then he needs to communicate that clearly to you so you can decide if you want to stay in the relationship.

OP, from your updates I'm beginning to think he's acting guilty. So many little changes in his behaviour. Not impressed with how he treats you in front of his colleagues, it's very undermining, and it's eating away at your self-esteem.

In regards to your question, of course he has a choice in whether you can show physical affection or not. Quite frankly it's really bad you'd think he didn't.

It's even more weird that people have to ask for or give their permission to hug their partners imo....... unless they actually have some kind of issue with being touched which I'm sure the OP would have known about before now

@Musti that is awful! Especially when you were in a vulnerable position in hospital and needed support. I hope you are happier now?

Do you have children together?

I don't think any one said you need to seek explicit permission, but this also doesn't mean they don't have a choice. People are not possessions, even in marriage. It's perfectly acceptable if you don't wish to be hugged or kissed at a particular time to say no or pull away to prevent it.

@Uzicorn
I can get quite cross with him and hold on to things which then cause more rows. Probably doesn't help!

My friend didn't tell me until after the split. Can't say I blame her but though it would have hurt, I would have made completely different decisions over the next few years.

@pickingdaisies yes. One time I had to have words with one colleague who ignored me not the first time, but three times and spoke over my dd who was trying to talk about our holiday to her. I then got mad and had words with her and said did she listen when he said I was his wife, because her behaviour was out of order. Her reaction was oh oh and ran off!!
This was a couple of years ago now. And I'm not particularly pleased to hear she is becoming more senior and at these evening meetings.

OP, I hope you don't mind but I've read through some of your other threads after you said you'd mentioned your husband elsewhere and this suspicion that he's got another woman on the side has been going on for several months now

Is there any way you can tell whether he's actually at those meetings? That would be my first step, to see whether his car is outside the office when he says it is.

I've just read your previous thread from July (sorry I don't know how to attach it). The main points I got were:

1. He spends a lot of time shouting at you.
2. It sounded like since his promotion he seems to have a superiority thing going on. 3. The main sentence that stood out to me is that you said you are not happy in the relationship.

Each one of these on their own, are enough to question the relationship.

However, with regard to your current post, if I were currently in your position, I would be getting my detective hat on for confirmation that something might be going on or reassurance that everything is fine. I hope you're okay. Good luck.

@HollowTalk that's ok. It's been an on going issue. I've thought about doing that. I guess at the back of my mind, I don't know what I would do from there. Because I'm not good at keeping calm.

Hi, just wondering how you are OP?

@pickingdaisies thanks for asking. Struggling at the moment. I don't know what to think of this marriage anymore. He kicked of the other day, because I noticed he was making quite a lot of effort with his appearance. So I asked if he had an important meeting, because he looked smart. He got really angry and stormed of to work, saying I needed to sort my self out and trust him! To me that is guilty behaviour.

So sorry you're having a tough time, he really doesn't seem to see you as an equal partner, I don't know what else I can say. Here's a ((((hug))) anyway.