How do I move on from estranged sister?

[AllisonParker]

My sister (whom I was very close with for 45 years) started pulling away from me 4 years ago. 3 years ago, she called me and I was delighted to hear from her, only to quickly find out she was calling me to ask me to be her alibi as she was having an affair. She wanted me to 'cover' for her in case her husband called me. She quickly hung up and I had no chance to reply. I ended up telling my husband about the situation for two reasons. #1 He's my husband. I tell him everything. #2 He would be the one answering a phone call if my sister's husband were to call, since I was heading out to work. Bottom line... my sister found out I told my husband and she is furious with me. She is obviously embarrassed by the situation and feels my husband doesn't treat her the same way anymore. I have reached out several times, the most recent time at my daughter's wedding. I told my sister "I miss you, and placed my hand on her hand". She said "I'm really busy". I get it. Stop trying.
So.. .how does one move on? Should I bother to wish her a happy birthday anymore? She calls me to wish me one (I think because my Mom is still alive and she has to). They are painful phone calls that are 'duty' oriented. Should I bother to invite her over at Xmas (they usually decline). Last year she did come for the meal, always stayed in a different room from me, and then left quickly after dinner, leaving me with a pile of dishes. It was so unfriendly and hurtful. Whenever I do see her, it is very painful and brings back so many memories of when we were best friends. I find it is hard to look at someone that I used to know and keep it together.
It is like she is dead, but every now and then I see her, or my Mom talks about her (FYI, my Mom knows what has happened, and she keeps telling me to 'wait' for her to reach out one day).
This is really torture. I just want to forget about her and get on with my life. I am trying to fill the time with close friends and new activities during the time I used to talk with my sister (We used to catch up every Sunday) Any good advice from anyone?
Therapy is probably what I need. I find I still cry about this (although not as much) 4 years after the fact. Therapy costs $$$$ so hope someone can help me move on.

Look, it's her circus, her monkey's Allison. Don't even allow yourself to speculate, you'll drive yourself mad! Feel pity for your other sister. If she's that gullible to distance herself on the other sister's say-so, you're well rid. Nothing much lost. Have a bit more faith in your values.

She's desperate (affair Sis). She's trying to control knowing you'll keep stumpf. Disengage lass. Don't wade in her shit-show. She's scared. That's why she's investing interest with other sister. Don't dance to her tune.

Thank you. You are all right. I just don't figure how someone in their mid fifties suddenly stoops to this! It's sad.
Thanks for your support. I will stick to my plan.

Really! You're surprised that someone in their 50's wouldn't stoop this low. You've got a PollyAnna attitude there then. Not being disrespectful mind.

Over here in the UK yesterday, Friday, my 18yr old grandson was sacked from his first job since leaving college in June. Why? On the hate campaign instigated by a woman in her mid-50's who took an instant dislike because my grandson was popular with the team. Although I'm under no illusions ended up ribbing her when it got ugly. It happens, believe me. Know your enemy here, but don't stoop to their level. Give her enough rope, she'll hang herself.

You could always formulate a plan to send her husband an anonymous letter informing him of her affair. But, only if she makes life intolerable for you. If she behaves like this, then the gloves are off in my books. Fight shit with shit.

Ugh. I don't want drama. I want to keep my Mother (aged 94) happy until she dies. She is so sad that our family has fallen apart since her husband (my Dad) died 4 years ago. She asks... everyone kept together for him... why not for me??? It seems like all this drama just not right at our age. I feel like in my 50s, I've learned priorities. Treat people with respect. As you would have them treat you. I'm just so disappointed with my sister cutting off all ties... my only explanation is that she is embarrassed by her actions... but now to figure she is maybe making up tall tales about me to explain our rift??? I can't waste my time trying to figure out what is being said. It is so sad for my Mom. I keep going back to that because when I get old, I would hate for my kids to fall out like this. No. I would never send a nasty letter. What good would that serve??

Oh dear! I understand you so well. It is so painful. IMHO try not to think about what she says about it. You did well to tell your mum. And i think it is the best ypu can do in similar situation: if one of your close relative (adult) starts putting the blame on you it is legitimate to tell about your behavior. It will even ease the situation for him/her....Sex with a.I. other than your oartner is a primal behavior Like greediness etc. Your family can forgive her that but they will not forgive you any alleged behavior against her (alleged by her smearing campaign against you). Like you I am terrified to think that my kids might become estranged to each other. I am trying to explain them that family bonds are a great source of strength; they are unbreakable and between people whose personalities are so different that they would have never chosen to be friends. It is hard work to keep the family bonds but it is worth it. (Of course there are extreme cases like extreme criminal activity that justify severing them etc)