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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crying again

20 replies

Ithinkmymirrorslying · 14/08/2018 21:41

I cannot believe that I'm in bed crying again over exdp, he really is an arsehole and has been completely abusive towards me today that I just don't know what else to do but cry.

He's threatened to beat me up if I see him, all because I took our dcs on holiday and wouldn't send him pictures, and have made plans for this weekend with family.
For context he doesn't see or speak to our dcs regularly and hasn't done since he met his new gf a year ago.
I was also stupidly sleeping with him last year not knowing that he had a gf, he's now calling me a slag/hoe because I was sleeping with another womans partner.

How can someone who I loved so much treat me with so much hate and disrespect?
Right about now all I want is a cuddle and I have nobody.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 14/08/2018 21:43

Block him from your phone for a start.

Gemini69 · 14/08/2018 21:58

cut all contact.. he is controlling and abusing you .... do not accept this.. Flowers

Original poster
Ithinkmymirrorslying · 14/08/2018 22:08

I know he's abusing me, I just can't seem to get him out of my head.
He ignores all of us for weeks then pops back up, causes a shit storm then dissapears again.

OP posts:
eightfacesofthemoon · 14/08/2018 22:40

This isn’t healthy for your kids at all. You’re the adult. It’s shit for you, but imagine how much more shit it is for them.
In true old mumsnet fashion, you need to put your big girl pants on and stand up for them and yourself. Do whatever you can to protect them from his shit show.
Don’t let him manipulate you. Flowers

Original poster
Ithinkmymirrorslying · 14/08/2018 23:04

That's the thing, I have my big girl pants on and am standing up for myself and my dcs.
Normally I would cancel my plans to allow him to see the dcs at the drop of a hat, or send him pictures which he would then post on social media pretending he's taken them on holiday, which is what he done with the last pictures I sent him.

I've tried everything to get along with him and he's taken me for a fool at every opportunity.
It's made me feel so down that I know I've not been a good mum and I feel sorry for my dcs.

OP posts:
eightfacesofthemoon · 14/08/2018 23:08

Cancelling your plans and sending him pics to appease him is not having your big girl pants on!!!!!
It’s placating a man who’s treating you like shit, and for the right reason in your heart, you want him to be a better dad!
But his parenting is not your responsibility, the harder you try. The harder it will be.

And I doubt VERY much that you’ve not been a good mum. Sounds like you’re bending over backwards to try and give them a decent father. Which is theoretically a great idea. But can you do that with very strong boundaries and see how that goes ?

SandyY2K · 14/08/2018 23:11

I suggest you report his threats to the police and due to his abuse, look into cutting contact with him and using a contact centre for his visitation.

When the children are with you....block him from your phone. You don't need him hassling you.

Make it clear he should only contact you for child related emergencies.

He slept with you when he had a GF...what does that make him? A low life cheater who has no respect for women.

Find the strength to keep him at arms length.

Original poster
Ithinkmymirrorslying · 14/08/2018 23:42

I understand that, but what I mean is that I'm not giving into his requests anymore, i would always cancel or cave in and forgive him because, yes i did want my dcs to have a good relationship with their dad, but ive realised that he doesnt care about them and they know it.

@sandyY2k that's what I said to him and he just laughed it off calling me evil and wishing he'd never had kids with a slag.
In 3 years I've slept with 2 men, 1 of them was him.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 15/08/2018 02:48

He's an idiot and not worth engaging with. He had a warped perception of reality and such people can't be told

Original poster
Ithinkmymirrorslying · 15/08/2018 13:37

I don't know why I've let him get to me, ive barely spoken two words to him in months.
He definetly does live on his own world, he has no remorse for anything that's ever happend and will never see that he's wrong, but will constantly blame me.

OP posts:
Musti · 15/08/2018 14:22

Good grief don't waste another second on him. He accused you of being a slag for sleeping with him when he's seeing someone? That's laughable. Don't engage just ignore. Call the police if you think his threats of beating you up are real. Keep any threatening or abusive messages and pass them on. Maybe just go and speak to the police anyway.

Original poster
Ithinkmymirrorslying · 15/08/2018 15:02

The more I think about it the angrier I get, he has no right speaking to me like that because he can't get his own way.

I'm not even sure if his threats are real, he's so unstable that I truly don't know what to believe.

OP posts:
Want2beme · 15/08/2018 15:29

What he says he thinks of you does not matter. He is nothing. Block him and don't engage. Your life with your DC is none of his business. You should report him to the police and tell them that you fear for your safety. Every time he enters your head, ignore it. Don't let him control you.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/08/2018 16:39

Firstly, you have to stop giving a shit about what he calls you.
He is judging you by his own standards.
You are better than that.

Have you had any support since you split from him.
Womens Aid would be a good call.
Please contact them. You need some counselling and the Freedom Programme will help you no end with how to deal with him.

He's a nasty, abusive, narc, bully.
Block him right now.
Do not allow him to ruin your life and your life with your children.
Get SS involved if you have to, to keep him away from you and the DC.

Keep any threats he has made and if it's violence he is threatening then go to the police. Either to the local station to report it or call 101. The police will also have a DV team so talk to them about all of this.

So BLOCK.
Call Womens Aid.
Call the Police!

RandomMess · 15/08/2018 16:48

If he doesn't have court ordered contact block him completely and make him apply for it...

AgentJohnson · 15/08/2018 16:53

Take this opportunity to detach from this arse wipe once and for all. Go through a Contact Centre for contact with the kids.

Crunched · 15/08/2018 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ithinkmymirrorslying · 16/08/2018 22:12

Well I've blocked him after having a phone call from his mum, he was telling her that he's prepared to go to jail over me.

He will never take me to court and most definetly not want to see the dcs at a contact centre.

I do feel like I'm being harsh sometimes,but there is a huge backstory of him not bothering with the dcs, lots of lies, let downs and hurt, so I think I'm just growing a backbone and sticking to what i've said and he doesn't like it.

I have been trying since January to set up arrangements for him to have them eow, but he never sticks to it and as I said he's only now wanting to spend time with them after not really seeing them for months.
I'm not stopping him from seeing them, I'm just not being so available is that wrong?

OP posts:
lowtide · 16/08/2018 23:09

Well done op
He sounds certifiable
Have as little contact as possible

hellsbellsmelons · 17/08/2018 09:16

No it's not wrong.
His words and actions show you exactly who he is.
You've done the right thing.
Never doubt yourself.

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