Social Services/Domestic Abuse/Child protection/Pre-birth assessment

[Jen53]

Hi there, not sure if this is the right place to post and forgive the long post, I will try and keep it concise.

I was married to a very controlling man for 12 years and we have children together. I felt like I had lost my identity and any purpose I had in life, and felt like I was living the life he wanted me to live. He often said things like 'if you stay with me then you'll want for nothing, should you leave I'll make sure you walk away with nothing' I then found out that he had been hiding financial things from me and was basically taking joint money and securing it for his own gain, that is when I decided to contact my solicitor to file for divorce.

We then went through a very lengthy court battle with the children, and Social Services got involved and Cafcass. I had met a new partner (he had also) but numerous allegations were put through to Social Services at the time. Unfortunately (and I'm not making excuses) the pressure from all of this caused Rows and violence (no excuse) in my new relationship.

It eventually settled at court and a final shared care order was made and we were allowed to get on with our lives. tThis is where I hoped that things would now change given court had settled with my ex husband. My partner then decided to let me down when I became pregnant, he ran off and disowned me. He then started to message other women. He says now that it was due to being scared of commitment, and control from his parents. This led me to regrettably have terminations, once the termination had happened, he would then come back into our lives and tell me he loved me and couldn't live without me. This had such an emotional impact on me because all I wanted was for there to be an amicable relationship with my ex husband and children (instead I had a battle and still do) and have a nice new life with my partner that I love.

We argued still, discussed the future which seemed grim given my situation with my ex husband, our past was brought up, and our relationship stayed the same, when we both went out on a night out or away for a break it became abusive.

When we finally split in December after I became pregnant again, I decided to go to the police to make a statement with regards to what I went through. They charged him with Domestic abuse and assault. Before we had entered the court room, the domesticc abuse charge was dropped, and he was found not guilty of assault. He then got in contact with me and apologised and said that he loved me and couldn't get over me and wanted to get back together and work on our relationship.

My ex husband found out and as expected started to put more false allegations back into Social Services, obviously having more ammunition because of police and recent court involvement.

After numerous interviews, and speaking with the children who confirmed that they had never been witness to any domestic abuse with my partner and I, Social Services still wanted to proceed with a child protection conference as they identified that the children are not at risk because of resuming a relationship which involved domestic abuse, but they are at emotional risk because of the ongoing conflict between my ex husband and I.

They agreed that this was the case at the conference and set up a plan which hasn't been working so far due to my ex husbands refusal to communicate, game playing and what I think didn't want it to play out in that way.

I have since found out that I am pregnant, and now Social Services want to do a pre-birth assessment. I have read that this is done when they have identified that the child is at risk of significant harm, and this will enable them to start court proceedings to take the baby into care.

This seems all very contridictory from Social Services given the fact that when my ex husband and I went to the child protection conference, my relation with my current partner and history of domestic abuse was deemed to be amber alert, not red, and as long as we embark on a programme there wasn't an issue. Social Services even said that they doubt they will be able to place my partner on a programme due to him being found 'not guilty' so we are at a loss as to why they want a pre-birth assessment done. Is there something else we are not being told?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

A pre-birth assessment is not necessarily a path to remove your baby, but to protect him/ her. Children are sometimes placed on child in need or child protection plans at birth where there is some risk. This does not mean your baby will be removed.

I hope things improve for you and you keep your family safe.

If your existing children are defined as child in need or under a child protection plan then I suspect it may be automatic to have a meeting to assess the safety of your unborn.

A pre birth assessment is just an assessment. It's not to remove a child. They are probably doing a separate assessment due to the father being your current partner so it's a different situation slightly. The background sounds terrible tbh and I'm not surprised your children are on CP plans

I have read that this is done when they have identified that the child is at risk of significant harm, and this will enable them to start court proceedings to take the baby into care.

You have read wrong information. It's an assessment to find out of the child will be likely to be at risk of significant harm or not and if they are there will be a child protection plan put in place. Highly likely given that your other children afte considered at risk of significant harm due to conflict between you and your ex and the domestic abuse perpetuated by your current partner (Amber warning doesn't mean no problem btw)

Also, children not directly witnessing incidents of domestic violence doesn't mean they aren't harmed by growing up around an abusive relationship

You current partner sounds horrificly abusive.

You need to get away from your partner. He is abusive and you aren't safe, nor are your children.

You say "we are not being told", who do you mean? I read that you had split with the father but it's not clear. Are you together again?

How pregnant are you atm op?

Thank you for all your responses. Yes the background is terrible but I can wholeheartedly say that all I want is for the conflict to end between my ex husband and I and to co-parent which he is unable to do. Social services and the justice system have failed massively in the past. Just out of interest, why do I need to get away and why aren’t I or my children safe if Social Services are happy with us resuming a relationship as long as we evidence that there is no ongoing issues and we have worked on our relationship? Yes I am back with my partner (not ex husband) sorry that wasn’t clear. I am nearly three months pregnant.

Why are you with a man who has been violent to you, cheated on you and walked out on you?

Basically, you're putting your needs and that if your current partner before those of your current children and unborn child.
It takes 2 parents to fall out over the children. It may be that he was the abusive parent, but from what youve said your relationship has been on, off, up and down throughout. You've started a relationship with a less than supportive man. The last thing you should be doing is having another child in the circumstances?

Just out of interest, why do I need to get away and why aren’t I or my children safe if Social Services are happy with us resuming a relationship as long as we evidence that there is no ongoing issues and we have worked on our relationship?

How do you know SS are "happy" with you resuming a relationship?

With regards the DV, is that just your partner being violent towards you or are you violent towards each other (sorry to ask as it's not clear)?

Having a baby introduces stress into a relationship, and yours has been fractured and continues to be of concern (hence amber alert) so I imagine this is so SS can continue to monitor the situation.

You should get away because he is violent and has cheated on you. Social services will take a dim view of you staying with someone who is violent.