Probably cheating on miserable me

[moaningminnie56]

So, my partner and I have been together just over 2 years. I self admit I am needy, not a good quality to have I know, I have always stressed that I'm not cut out for "weekend relationships" for example dated a guy in the army once, he only came home at weekends, relationship didn't last long at all because I can't deal with being alone during the week.

My partner and I are always together, he's my best friend. We recently had a baby and he's gone working away.

I totally understand with me being on maternity leave we need the money but I am going bat shit crazy.

He takes the car on a Monday morning when he goes and comes back Friday evening. Our DD is a lovely little girl although she does not sleep she has an hour all day and wakes up 2-3 times a night.

I am exhausted and lonely and when she goes to bed i am bored, almost lost.

I miss my partner so much and I find myself sat in tears every night.

He doesn't communicate a lot when he is working away. When he is working locally he is a lot more responsive. I barely hear from him. Ok ok I know what you will say he is working, he is busy.....but seems to have plenty of time to post on Instagram and Facebook.

I am just being needy I know but I'm miserable. Plus we have just had a miscarriage so I'm feeling incredibly down at the moment.

I heard him joking on the phone with a work colleague about how he has it cushy working away why would he go to the local job when he can chill out when he's away.

When he comes home at the weekend we do nothing....literally nothing. I would like to just go for some lunch or take our little girl out somewhere but he has no interest so I find myself taking her places alone just so we can get out for abit in the car.

My next worry.....he claims he is working away to earn more money yet comes home every week with loads of new clothes....for himself.
I have noticed he has started wearing gel for work....never used to and wearing aftershave. Also the last few nights he has turned his phone off then claimed his battery died so had to wait to get in the van to charge it in the morn.

Should I be worried??

When he is home he is not affectionate at all it's like a chore for us to just have a cuddle and I often have to ask him for a kiss. The only time we have been intimate was about 3 months ago when we conceived a baby....which I stated earlier we lost last week.

Maybe it's the pregnancy putting him off...maybe he is finding affection elsewhere....my head is spinning.

Someone talk some good dam sense into me PLEASE

Hmm 😐 having had first hand experience of a husband working away who suddenly joined a gym and bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes all I can say is it's not good. Can you do some digging?

I'm sorry op I agree with the bird 🐦
Same thing happens to me with an ex it was a big red flag unfortunately

I'd sit him down and ask him to be honest with you and say you've noticed x,y and z and you're concerned.

I think the infidelity, if it’s even happening , is totally secondary here. You’ve started a family with this man, but he’s completely disinterested in all of it. He could have found a local job, helped out, been an engaged father in the weekend, but he hasn’t. He’s absented himself (gleefully, it sounds like), spends money without a thought to his family and remains unengaged even when he’s there. I know things feel overwhelming right now, but I would urge you to take a step back and think about what you want from a partner - especially before you have more children.

Sorry for your loss.

Tbh I don't think your relationship is any good - he's absented himself from family life and you. Deliberately by the seems of it. He doesn't sound like he's your best friend any more.

If he takes the car all week, are you able to get out and about?

My advice would be to get on contraception if you're not, talk to your GP about how low you're feeling and get support from family and friends.

I knew it but you hope that it's all in your head but that red flag went up a couple of weeks ago and I just needed an outsiders view. No I'm not able to get around I have to rely on his dad most of the time who has MS so I hate getting him out the house. He has offered me and little one to go to the apartment he is stayin in if we wanted but I didn't like the idea of that because he shares it with his work mate and I doubt his work mate would be happy with a screaming baby in the middle of the night. He came home at the weekend telling me that he was talking to a woman that was on the job he was on and apprantley telling her all about our miscarriage so I was really annoyed for multiple reasons but that was when my mind went into overdrive

Could he take public transport to wherever he's working? It's really not fair to leave you stranded like that all week.

What does he say about his lack of communication and apparent disinterest?

Says he's tired and he has problems with his back....he's actually having surgery Thursday so will be home for the foreseeable...so blames his pain. It's funny how his pain only starts around little girls bedtime.,...probably so he doesn't have to give her tea bath bottle and put her down.

As for the communication nothing really. I have been a little bit off with him today but he hasn't noticed

He came home at the weekend telling me that he was talking to a woman that was on the job he was on and apprantley telling her all about our miscarriage so I was really annoyed for multiple reasons but that was when my mind went into overdrive

This is your problem. I'm so sorry, but who is this person he's been confiding in?

@TattyCat exactly.....time to do some digging while he's home recovering from his op

Agree, see if you can any receipts. Look at bank statements maybe? Crack into his phone?

You poor duck, you are going through the mill

Is he an Android user?

He has an iPhone which I have full access to. We have both our finger prints on our phones, never had anything to hide so that will be my first alarm bell if I can't get into it he's obviously changed his passcode for a reason

Well...this may not be the most honest thing to do but if he has a Gmail account and hasn't turned it off (I hadn't without realizing so I assume other have), there's a feature call Google Timeline which shows everywhere you've been.

Sorry, don't know if that helps or not.

He would have to be logged in for that to work by the way, unless you know his password in which case just google 'Google Timeline' and log in as him.

I'd agree that this doesn't look good...

But I'd also say; you have to learn to be alone sometimes. I struggled with it initially. It's horrible; if you make it like that - and I only really learned how to do it when I was single; but I've kept it through relationships now.

It's fine - good even; sometimes - to miss someone. But sitting in tears is not good. Being completely dependent is not good; physically or emotionally. You won't be able to have a healthy relationship that way.

I really hope this isn't what it seems; and if it's not, you can take steps to repair some of this

Best of luck.