Struggling with a break up

[xattachedbyatether]

I'm not a mum but I'm in need of motherly advice while mine is not available to contact.

I was with my ex boyfriend for four months, we had a good relationship but he ended things because he ''was not ready to commit to me or anyone else'' and had ''issues'' that he needed to solve ''alone.'' This was in April

We didn't speak for two weeks after the break up, during this time I believe he went out on a date. In May we started speaking every day and it was like the break up had never happened. It was around this time that he met this new girl. We continued to talk and flirt, he would also send me photos of his female friends (just to me) to which I assume was to spark jealousy in me. In June he was just as friendly and flirty but a little distant too which I thought was because we had recently gotten too close again but who knows. July we were still speaking a little, just as flirty and then by the end of the month contact is cut. Despite the last thing he ever said to me was about me attracting him. This new girl is then flaunted around his social media and he's trying to impress her etc. I know I should delete him but I don't want to.

Does his new ''relationship'' (I'm not 100% sure that they are together, she just doesn't seem like his type and a few other things) seem rushed? Could she be a rebound? I know that he struggles to be single, his words not mine. I doubt this new girl will last because of distance and the fact that he probably hasn't sorted out his issues from when he was with me.

I know I should delete him but I don't want to
Why ever not?
He's a total nob-head.
He's messing with you.
Keeping you on the back burner.
Please don't ever be anyone's back-up plan.
It's ruins your self-esteem.

Hey lovely
If I were you I'd block him. He doesn't want you but you're massaging his who by being there. It's just going to prolong your hurt if you carry on being in contact with him.

‘Not ready to commit’= I want to keep my options open/ I like you but not THAT much/ you are handy to keep in reserve.

So he’s essentially a bastard who broke up with you but is keeping you dangling on with calls but openly dating someone else.

Why would you allow this? It’s utterly disrespectful and cruel. The only thing you need to do is stop going round in circles analysing his behaviour and block all methods of him contacting you. Yes that’s hard but being treated like crap is worse.

Take control and block him. Then you will be in a better place to meet someone nicer.

We haven't spoken in about a month. I asked for my belongings back but he ignored my message

No one rebounds from a 4 month relationship. He's not interested in a relationship with you, but he might be with her. You're hanging on to a bit of flirting. There is nothing you can do about it. You might not want to delete him but you need to. He's cut contact so he has moved on, you need too as well.

You've not been with him as long as you were with him. It was only 4 months and in 4 months you are only just beginning to know someone. You can't possibly know if this woman is his type or not. You are not his type otherwise he would be with you.

I don't mean to be harsh but the sooner you accept he's just not that in to you the sooner you will move on and find someone more suited to you.

You sound very young and insecure.
You dated for 4 months, this isn’t really a relationship.
He dumped you. There were no issues, he was just saying the same shit thousands of other people say when they dump someone.
Whenever he’s bored he messages you and you reply instead of deleting and blocking. Messaging you is fun for him, an ego massage. Nothing more. He’s now more than likely sleeping with someone else and you are still there, dangling for him to play with.
It probably won’t last with this new girl because he’s enjoying playing the field, but it’s nothing to do with issues needing resolved with you.
Please block and delete him.

So the girl's his first choice. You're second best (unless he's got someone else lined up as well). He's just enjoying himself, flitting from one woman to the next and feeling important. Go and find someone decent ffs OP

I am young and very insecure. By issues I meant that he needed to do what boys do, go on dates with girls, go out with his friends and get drunk because he never had that as he had a LTR before me where she apparently wore the trousers. I honestly think he was over her when we got together but he hadn't properly grieved the ending of the relationship and just jumped right back into dating without properly thinking if he was ready for it. I don't hate him for ending it because of that. I give it another month or two and things will more than likely have ended between them because as soon as things start getting serious he runs.

You are projecting your thoughts on to someone you barely know. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you but trust me when a man wants you he doesn't dump you and parade another woman in front of you. For whatever reason you are not suited to each other and it doesn't matter how much you may wish it otherwise.

This is all a normal part of growing up, learning about others, learning what suits you and what doesn't but most importantly learning your boundaries and what is right and wrong in a relationship.

Let this one not take up any more of your head space as he doesn't deserve it.

you need to think of how this is making YOU feel. You're unhappy and no man should make you feel that way.

I know a four month relationship can seem like forever when you're you but it's not. Treat yourself , go out with the girls & look to the future.

If it's meant to be it will happen of its own accord. My sister went out with someone when she was 14 , 30 years later they bumped into each other and are now blissfully married.