Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Where to meet for a first date

24 replies

RunsforCake14 · 14/08/2018 07:59

I've been set up on a date later this week by a friend. I've never met the bloke I'm meeting before but he has seen me at an event and asked my friend for my number.
So far he seems nice and normal. We've been texting since the weekend and had a couple of chats on the phone.

He knows more or less where I live but he's a bit vague about exactly where he lives. I have a rough idea and it's about 30mins+ drive from me. He also knows I've got young teens at home. He lives alone.

He asked if we could meet this week. I suggested an evening drink in a pub about 10mins from me. Although my kids can be left home alone, I don't like to be too far away and I don't want to be out too late. He replied "that's a good pub but given our locations it would be better to meet at X".

X is the town that I think he lives near. So it would be a 30min drive either way for me to a town I've never visited before. I said no because of my kids and because it wasn't somewhere I knew. There is almost nowhere to meet between us. So I suggested somewhere that's still about 15-20mins from me. And he reluctantly agreed.

If we got on and started dating regularly then I've no problem with paying for a sitter. But for a first date I try and keep it to a quick coffee or drink - minimal cost because I've had far too many dates that have gone nowhere.
Daytime meeting isn't an option for a couple of weeks because of his work.

Am I wrong to think he should've been more considerate of my situation and traveled to me?

OP posts:

Kinunir · 14/08/2018 08:08

He replied "that's a good pub but given our locations it would be better to meet at X". X is the town that I think he lives near.

Hmmmm... I wonder why he wants to meet near to where his house is?

If that's not what you want, stick to your guns and the pub closer to your home.

Musti · 14/08/2018 08:30

That reluctance is weird. He asked you out and 30 mins isn't that far. I'd be wary if a guy who is interested enough to get your number etc but makes such a fuss of a little bit if driving if he has no children etx to look after. I'd cancel

SparklyMagpie · 14/08/2018 08:49

That would have got me thinking, his reluctance to want to meet closer to you.

The guy I am now with,when we were arranging our first date, he suggested somewhere but I get anxious an hadn't been on a date in 4 years, my son was at his dad's so that wasn't an issue, but once I explained I didn't want to go to far, he suggested a place 10 minutes from my house and met me there and once things were going great, we both agreed to go to the original place we'd talked about.

He has never made an issue of coming to me and he's the one who's happy to do that, especially more so as he knows I have my son nearly 24/7

He knows you have children, so why would he kick up a fuss? If he apparently likes you so much??

What is your gut feeling OP?

onanothertrain · 14/08/2018 09:19

He didnt want to come near to you, you didnt wznt to go near to him, you are both going to be travelling the same distance to get there. Don't see the issue. It's a lot of grief over a first date!

user1486956786 · 14/08/2018 11:26

Agree with the above. You've agreed to meet in the middle, sounds reasonable. Just try the date, go with a positive mind and take it from there!

Original poster

RunsforCake14 · 14/08/2018 11:30

I was surprised he rejected my idea then suggested somewhere practically on his doorstep, making me do most of the travelling. It has put me off him a bit.
I'll meet him at the halfway pub but I've said I won't be staying long as I don't want to be too far from my kids at night.
He's agreed but I'll have to see on the night if he tries to change things.

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 14/08/2018 11:30

Is he driving? Just thinking it may be because if he's nervous he was hoping to have a drink during/before the meet if nearer him. Obviously he should consider that either way one of you can't, though (unless one of you pays for a taxi I suppose).

Original poster

RunsforCake14 · 14/08/2018 11:34

We both have to drive. He doesn't come across the nervous type.
I agree that halfway is a good compromise. Just slightly wary that he tried to move it so close to him.

OP posts:

Storm4star · 14/08/2018 11:34

A first date is where you are supposed to be trying to impress the other person. You have good reasons for wanting to be closer to your home. He knows this but has grudgingly agreed to meet you half way? I wouldn't be impressed to be honest.

HonkyWonkWoman · 14/08/2018 11:34

Why don't you meet at the weekend, for a coffee, during the day?

Storm4star · 14/08/2018 11:35

Oh and yes, in my experience, men who want to meet near their homes are generally hoping you'll go back to theirs after!

OliviaStabler · 14/08/2018 11:39

I wouldn't meet him at all. Sounds like a lazy arse.

Original poster

RunsforCake14 · 14/08/2018 11:43

We can't meet at the weekend or daytime until after the bank holiday because he has his kids and also work.

It hadn't crossed my mind that he'd want me to go back to his place....until now!
So far he hasn't come across like that at all. And he'll be very disappointed if that's his plan.

OP posts:

mingebags · 14/08/2018 11:49

So much judgment here! Maybe he suggested the place nearer to him because he knows it's nice, or he likes it?

Original poster

RunsforCake14 · 14/08/2018 11:52

But he didn't suggest an actual pub to meet. Just that we could meet in the town that seems to be very close to where he lives.

He asked me to say when and where then changed my suggestion to one closer to him.

OP posts:

Storm4star · 14/08/2018 11:58

Just my opinion OP but I think he was going to suggest going back to his at some point. Either that or he's just lazy! You should still go on the date, see how it goes. He may be lovely on the night and maybe there is some "good" reason why he suggested it. But I just think the fact you say he "reluctantly" agreed to half way, which is a perfectly fair suggestion, is not a good sign.

onanothertrain · 14/08/2018 12:12

FFS poor guy, typical suspicious posts. There is nothing to suggest he wanted to get you back to his. Maybe the reason he didn't want to meet near yours is because he thought you'd expect him to go back to yours

trojanpony · 14/08/2018 12:22

I was surprised he rejected my idea then suggested somewhere practically on his doorstep, making me do most of the travelling. It has put me off him a bit.

It should put you off.

Be on alert... it’s a week night and he knows you have kids

trojanpony · 14/08/2018 12:23

To be clear
I don’t (like other posters) think he wants to get in your pants, I think he is lazy and quite possibly selfish

Original poster

RunsforCake14 · 14/08/2018 12:30

I agree that he's not given me any reason to think he wants me to go back to his place.
But if he didn't want to travel to me then why not suggest somewhere in between. I explained my reasons for not wanting to travel too far at night and I thought he would then agree to my original suggestion.
Instead he left it to me to come up with a compromise.
It doesn't help that there is 30mins of countryside between us with no decent meeting places.

OP posts:

richdeniro · 14/08/2018 12:37

Being a guy I would always want the girl I was meeting to feel 100% comfortable so would always go to the ladies suggestion regardless of how inconvenient it would be to me. It's about being a gentleman.

From what you've posted I would say he is expecting to get laid and wants to make that as convenient as possible.

BeenthereandhavetheTshirt · 15/08/2018 07:14

Don't overthink it - men just don't think sometimes ! Of course he could be lazy, selfish, looking to lure you to his house blah blah blah .....Go ahead and shoot me for being sexist . Arrange a place that suits you and if he doesn't want to go there , move on .

RainySeptember · 15/08/2018 07:25

You say he's vague about where he lives, so maybe he lives a little further away from that town than you think, making it halfway?

Maybe, like you, he's made lots of effort to travel to the woman's location in the past and it's been unsuccessful so now he prefers to meet halfway.

Since you said you don't like to be too far from your kids, or away from them for too long, he's already thinking that this might not work out.

Original poster

RunsforCake14 · 15/08/2018 08:52

From what he's said I know he lives quite close to that town.
I didn't mention anything about my kids until he said no to my suggested choice. Then I explained why I didn't want to travel to that town.

I maybe overthinking it because otherwise he comes across as a nice, genuine guy.
I'm still going to meet him at my second choice of pub. It's not ideal but I'd rather meet and then decide if I like him enough for a second date. Then we can work out better places to meet.

OP posts:

Flip