Can't cope with H

[Mouse007]

Please tell me if it's my pregnancy hormones not making me react OTT. For background, we live in the UK but H is from abroad, we are about to buy a house, MIL passed away a few months ago, I am pretty much NC with my parents. We are currently on holiday in H's country.

Over the past few days, H has:

1. Regularly commented to his family how the British are stupid. He says this all the time at home even though I have told him that as a Brit I find this insulting. His favourite phrase: "this would never happen in my country."

1. Compared state maternity provisions with my SIL, then spent the evening googling comparisons of the UK to home country, then spent the evening in a mood because once again, home country is better than the UK. The fact that my employer provisions are better than what I would get in the home country is irrelevant to him, because anyone can lose their job. Everything gets compared to his home country and a declaration made that his home country is superior, and if it's not the case, it does not get talked about/gets forgotten/must be a misunderstanding. The fact that SIL didn't have a midwife until 36 weeks and got left in a hospital corridor after birth because there was no space is never mentioned. His home town provides free childcare, but the fact that there is a 2 year waiting period is also forgotten when speaking about how his home country is better.

1. Scolded me for staying up late at night. He got out of bed, came to the living room, asked me if I didn't think I should be going to bed given that we were visiting his grandmother the next day and we hardly see her, and I need to be fresh for the visit. He talked to me like a child. He could see I was busy and if he had asked me why I was busy, I would have told him it's in preparation for the visit.

Since then, he's only talking to me when there is a necessity. I have asked him why he's ignoring me and he's saying he's not. It's obvious that I'm upset but he hasn't asked why. I don't think I can do this for the rest of my life.

So sorry for you OP. However, if this is how he behaves, as upsetting as it is, it's better to get out now than waste your entire life with him.

Although, do you think he's calling your bluff by agreeing to split and then he will backtrack when he realises you are serious? Or he could just be trying to control and manipulate you. Either way you deserve better.

We are staying at his dad's house so need to find time when we are on our own to discuss. I work and earn more than him. I bought the house before we got married but paid the mortgage off after marriage. We have shared finances.

Jesus, you must be reeling that the situation has reached this point.
Can you go out for a walk (alone) and call a friend to confide in?

Woah. This has escalated quickly. I am aware that this might be minimising his (generally?) dickish behaviour, but it sounds like something else is acerbating the situation (family visits are not a good environment to make life changing decisions in!). I would definitely try and calm the situation down before making huge decisions.

Wait until you're back in the UK before discussing this with him. You have today and tonight to go first and he could make you vulnerable.

I would speak to a solicitor about the house. I wouldn't do him any favours and give him the bare minimum.

Don't talk to him till you get home. He's feeling all puffed up and supported in this behaviour because he's in his superior home country 🙄. Get back onto your own turf before making any decisions.

Hi OP was he in the UK before the Brexit vote? Have these comments started since then? Have you thought that he might only be staying in the UK because of you, because it isn't exactly a welcoming place at the moment for EU citizens. I'm a Brit but a number of my EU friends have returned home and I can't say I blame them. My Polish friend is married to a Brit and is staying because of that but has been spat at in the street. Not great.

Of course I don't condone abusive behaviour but the way we are treating foreigners at the moment is pretty disgraceful.

We love our family visits so if anything, they emphasise to him that he should be back in his home country. Brexit has definitely not helped, he actively searches out articles, podcasts etc every day which talk about how the country is going down the drain, but the comments started well before then.

I know he is only here because of me and that if I wasn't here, he says he would have gone back ages ago. But that's a decision he made and either needs to live with or correct, I can't put up with the constant negativity. I had the opportunity to move somewhere that I love, and I didn't take it up in order to stay for him. I don't go on about how much better the other place is.

Yes - wait until you're back on home turf.

I can't help but wonder where he's from, though I realise that's playing the stereotype game. But I'm living outside the UK in a successful European country and find this oddly familiar...

No-one is forcing you to stay with him.
Don't volunteer to be the victim here.