Recovery from emotional abuse

[JeanLouiseAKAScout]

Does anyone have experience in this? We've been separated some time now and I'm coping well day to day, but every so often I have anxious episodes around how he treated me. Specifically it seems to turn inwards, and instead of my thought process being 'how could he value me so little? It becomes 'that's all I was worth, that's all I am worth'. I am finding that EA is so little known that people generally don't know how to support me. Because some of the abuse was also sexual related, I also feel very degraded and cheapened. If I can't find a way to pull it up, I find myself questioning if I imagined everything?
I've done a lot of reading because it grounds my thoughts when I see my treatment right there on those articles, but I'm stuck at the moment. Has anyone else been through this and come out the other side? I'm wasting too much time missing the man I had years ago and not recalling the horror he turned in to.

I have been separated for a year and for the most part seemed fine. But I was at the doctors yesterday for something unrelated and was nearly in tears when I told her I was emotionally and financially abused. I have moved on, it took me many years to make that decision because it's a slow build up, I'm happy and I'm nearly free but underneath it all it's obviously still affecting me.

But I don't miss him at all. I have a list of all the unacceptable things he did and I haven't had to read it since writing it (though I had to keep adding to it as I remembered things) but it's there in case I ever doubt my decision.

You need to stop trying to analyse the why and the wherefore. it doesn't matter anymore. Time to find yourself again and move forward. it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them that's all you need to know.

Get some help from the right organisations.
Womens Aid can help you. You can attend their Freedom Programme and they can also point in the right direction for local counsellors who specialise in abuse.

From what you have said, I believe Rape Crisis may also be able to help you with specialist counselling.

Please contact them.
Reach out and get some help.
You deserve it and you owe it to yourself to take it!

Thank you, I appreciate your responses. Feeling better today, I'm finding that self esteem is destroyed very quickly but takes a long time to rebuild

Victim Support were a great help to me. & also very practical, which was good.

I took 5-Htp as I felt sad, and unmotivated but didn't want to take anti-depressants the GP gave me

I socialised and exercised, even when I didn't want to. I lost a good few friendships as my manipulator was very good at turning people against me; it was hurtful but it also meant I was left with real as opposed to false friends.

I did spend several months after the split reading all I could about narcissism and emotional abuse. I felt drawn to do so, all resonated with me 100%. Then one day I decided to stop reading it. It was good to understand it all, but I didn't want to dwell.

The over-riding thing in all of this tho, was to live my best life. I was so determined not to sit there sad, wringing my hands and clouding my life, when this horribly abusive man certainly wasn't going to be putting his life on hold for me. He'd be out there, getting on with his work and social life etc. I didn't want him to have the power to blight my life even in his absence.

I went on holiday, changed my work job & pattern to suit me, did all sorts of things I'd always wanted to do but never got round to. Then I met my lovely OH (despite having resolved I never wanted a man near me again!).

I look back and think how on earth could I have put up with all that? Why? I still don't understand. I thought I'd never get over it, but I certainly did.

3 years after our split I saw him in town, across the road so he didn't see me. I'd always dreaded seeing him. But I felt nothing at all.

You'll come out the other side OP. It takes time but you'll get there.