Zero sex drive and fights after having a child

[moumoute]

Baby is 5 months old. I can't say that we had a great sex life before having a baby as we were too different (DH doesn't want foreplay). But now it's completely absent and I have zero wish to start having sex again. He doesn't show any sign either. We fight quite a bit too. We used to be good friends but now we are teamwork. We live in his country (Scandinavia) and I struggle since the beggining - it's beautiful but quite superficial and after 4 years I have made one friend who is a foreigner. It's pretty lonely. We used to live in London where people are amazingly friendly imo!
Rambling....any thoughts? It's 5am...

No advice here sorry but I m also going through the same thing and our child is about to turn one. We used to get along amazingly before but now its a constant struggle to get through the week without a fight/argument.

Hi there @ahijaw do you still cuddle? I used to cuddle DH everyday but I haven't touched him since birth! Baby gets all the cuddles...

I initiate cuddles but I m not sure whether I cuddle him because I should or because I want to. He is really busy with his work while I m always with my child that we are both tried by the end of the day and by the end of the week I m always ready for a fight as i think my OH hasn't done his fair share of childcare during the week. Which i suppose I shouldn't since i m a sahm while he works full-time. But sometimes I need a break being a mother is constant 24/7 where as his work finishes at 5pm etc

Loss of libido is very common post childbirth and bickering is common in the first year due to sleep deprivation blowing everything out of proportion. You haven't said why you are fighting or don't want sex so nobody can really have any thoughts; however the fact that you are directing all your affection at your child and not sharing with your partner indicates something far deeper than just baby exhaustion is getting in the way.

‘Doesn’t want fore play’

This is not okay. Women need the foreplay to get aroused enough and lubricated enough to enjoy sex.

Mine isn’t really interested in too much foreplay for him, but he spends around 10/20 minutes preparing me. Or it would hurt me!!

No wonder you don’t want sex you poor thing, he’s not warming you up properly, I would be terrified to have sex after giving birth without extensive foreplay. For us it’s as important as the sex! I need that stimulation to enjoy sex at all. PIV is not the main attraction for most women. Your man needs to stop being selfish

'Doesn't want foreplay'

How do men like this have any relationship success at all let alone enough to have a serious relationship with children? We have a long way to go...

OP the first few months are very stressful so tension is to be expected between new parents on little sleep. If you do decide to try and rekindle your sex life you need to do it on your terms with what you need. I can really understand why you have no desire towards him at the moment though.

Ahh i missed the lack of foreplay part of your post! That would be a big issue for me too and honestly I wouldn't be particularly interested in that situation either!

Doesn't want foreplay? Ffs, I'd suggest you don't want sex because you dh is a shite and selfish lover! Does he want to roll on, get his rocks off and roll off again? . Bloody hell.
Talk to him about how you can make sex actually enjoyable for YOU and then see how it goes. Get him a sex manual. No foreplay for you, no POV sex for him!
He's a selfish lover, disconnected father and a pretty shite husband to be honest. Do everything you can to make more friends, a foreign country is amazingly isolating, and extra work is needed to make friends. But you need to, as you need support and he is not giving it to you.