Am I materialistic?

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Mother of 2 small children, I work full time. Father pays 50% of table child support, doesn't cover for after school/daycare although he uses it (school finishes at 3:30, we both work until 5).

So, struggling financially and having only 3 free nights a fortnight, struggling with self care, housework, etc.

I have started OLD, with mixed feelings about it. And I have a friend with whom I had a ONS a year ago... who keeps asking me out every once in a while.

Despite feelings, etc I wanted to ask what do you think about this, because I am a bit shocked that he thinks this is appealing to me.

He "offers" me to do the 9 to 5 job (as I currently am) as he puts the time in his startup (12+h a day). I do the childcare (as I do now, they are my kids) and the housework, maintain and (because "he has two left hands").

So besides keep doing what I am doing now, I would have a cocklodger. That's how I read it. He has been doing the startup thing for 5 years or so and it is still not profitable. He owns around $40k in taxes and can't have a credit card due to his credit rating problems. He drives Uber after his day job for income. He makes what would barely cover a bachelor or 1 bedroom condo rent downtown.

So I don't see myself having way more company due to the long hours. Or help/time. Or money. Is this materialistic or is he really that bold?

owns $40k in taxes -> owes*

Not materialistic. Doesn’t sound like much in it for you tbh.how does he go from asking you out occasionally to asking to move in? Sounds like he is about to be evicted and wants to live rent free

I can't make sense of this. Who is asking you to do this? The children's father or the guy you had ONS with?

I am a bit shocked that he thinks this is appealing to me.

That’s just how (some) men think. If that’s his best offer before he’s even started, imagine how much worse he’ll be once he moves in.

If that's his idea of an attractive "business proposition", I don't give much for the chances of his business startup.

My jaw dropped at how desperate men thought I was as a single parent. You’re not materialistic! You’ve just met a guy who thinks you’ll lick desperation off a sore leg. I found it totally depressing and happily avoided dating for 5 years and just focused on raising my then small boy and working. I’m not suggesting you do the same, but what I am saying is don’t let the bottom feeders grind you down. There are lovely people out there with whom you can build a happy life and relationship. Give this guy a miss. He’s got financial drag written all over him.

You haven't mentioned anything material, so no idea if you're materialistic. But not wanting to support the business of someone you know to lack business acumen and with poor judgment isn't materialistic, that's for sure. Sounds sensible. It's not like you're turning your nose up because he is on a low wage.

@twilightsaga a friend with whom I had a ONS last summer. We are still friends and he has a crush on me.

@Whatsthisbear not asking to move in, but his "dream" of us iykwim

@TheVanguardSix I have heard "you need a man" so many times. And always from men With that thought they probably think they are a god send gift. It has been 3 years single for me.

My XH was also an entrepreneur. He made half my salary and that was ok. He was definitely able to support himself. When his business started to go south, I supported him for months so he could try to save his business. He supported me when I was on maternity leave. That is what partnership was for me.

However now that I have two kids I dont think I want to support a partner ever again. I mean, between jobs and normal downsides, but not for a dream, a hobby or anything else. And definitely not from the beginning of the relationship.

Although salary is not really a big deal as long as he can support himself comfortably, I must admit that I think it is indeed about money. All my effort (it hasn't been easy to hold a full time job in my circumstances) is for my kids.

I think you would be mad to consider a relationship with someone who wasn’t independent. You have enough on your plate looking after you and dependant without supporting someone else.

It is NOT materialistic to not wish to support another adult.

If a current partner had my children and stayed home to look after them I would expect to support for as long as we both agreed that they wouldn’t work. Anyone else....nope.

I’m always amazed at the attitude that one adult should financially bankroll another.

I don't understand what the proposal is. I get there is something transactional proposed but what is it? He gets what and in exchange for that, you get what?

Tell him if you wanted a cocklodger you'd put an ad in the local paper.

Or you could have a relationship with him if you want just tell him he's not moving in for at least 4 years. THEN see how keen he is

What a crazy arranged he has proposed! You literally get nothing out of it whilst he gets to profit from all your hard work both at work and at home. Don't even entertain this "offer".

I'd laugh him out of town, tbh. He must think his cock is made of solid gold.

I don't think that you are being materialistic at all to expect that once you are in a relationship that you both contribute financially and with household chores. The children are more complicated, you would have to decide what level of involvement you wanted but obviously you can't have someone move in and them not to have a relationship with your kids to some extent and as someone sexual molested by a step parent I would advise you to be very very cautious about who you invite into your home (as much as is humanly possible).

Sod that! Tell him to move home to his parents house or grow up and get a really job!

@category12 😂 it must shoot glitter

Some men think the strangest things will appeal to women.

Someone I was going out with was a keen climber, and he mused that I really ought to come and watch him climb sometime.

Not have a go at climbing myself. Just stand at the side and watch. As if the sheer spectacle of it would thrill me.

I'm afraid I laughed in his face and he looked rather hurt.