Sick of DH being so disorganised

[KnittyNaps]

Sorry for the long post.
Am at my wit's end with my husband's lack of initiative and organisational skills. He works full time and I am on maternity leave/a student We share household tasks, cooking etc but only if I tell him what needs doing and this lack of initiative is driving me nuts. I am essentially the family manager on top of everything else plus I have an anxiety disorder and am on antidepressants.
Earlier this year we planned his paternity leave, the dates of which give me time to prepare for exams and get up to speed before I go back to school. We planned a family trip to see my family in the UK (we live in Denmark) to fit in while we were all free.
The last couple of days I found out that he fucked up the dates for his paternity leave by a month plus the amount of paternity leave he gets. LUCKILY it looks like his work will say it's ok but I feel really let down and so angry I just feel numb. He also screwed up fixing work holiday dates at Christmas, when I really want to take our 7 month old for his first Christmas at my parents house.
Ugh. Just really sick of scrambling around after him fixing things and being made to feel like a total nag. :( WWYD?

Disengage, if you agree to do X but he fails to get the time off then you go without him. If he doesn't for eg get his car MOTd then he has to go to work by public transport etc.
Be firm about you continuing with plans if he screws up and can't go as agreed.

Disorganisation can be addressed, it is laziness not to do so and if you amend or shelve plans or sort things out on his behalf then there is no incentive to do something about it. Once he's missed out on a few things he'll sort himself out.

There’s a big difference between being disorganised and being lazy as you know your dp will pick up the pieces.

My ex was like that and i always thought it was laziness or even perhaps deliberate -to make sure i took on all the hard work. Looking back i can see he has undiagnosed adhd, my daughter has just been diagnosed with this and it all makes sense. Im not saying having adhd would mean he can just carry on being hopeless! But he could maybe get treatment and even if not, knowing what the problem is can help you both manage things better. I used to tell my daughter off a lot, now i try to support her and she tries really hard to overcome her difficulties. Medication is also great for her

This might help articulate what you're feeling. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
He could be stressed of course and managing to hold work together but letting things outside it slide because he's mentally shattered and (he thinks) you can't sack him?

In most cases, we have only 2 choices. Accept it or walk away. If you accept him and his flaws, then you must stop the resentment.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone, it helps a lot. Jog22 that comic was dead on, might try to get DH to read it today as I think it would help him to understand what I'm feeling.
I don't think DH has ADHD, but thanks rebelrebel3 for making me aware of that.
I don't feel it comes down to accepting or rejecting DH in this situation. We can generally communicate well about our feelings and work stuff out, so there's hope!