Impact of abortion on relationship: positive experiences?

[alibalibee1]

Hi all,

I have been in a 3 year relationship which has had a lot of ups and downs but at the heart of us is a great conncection and friendship.. we just can't seem to control the arguments and we're well aware of that. We've came closr to splitting several times in the past but cant seem to let each other go completely. We're both 34.

I unexpectedly fell pregnant a couple of months ago which shocked us both to the core. Despite us both being desperate to be parents and concerned of our ages and this potentially being our only opportunity, with an extremely heavy heart I had an abortion several days ago. Its very early days and both of us are hurting and in a very low place. I'm devastated and struggling to come to terms with all of this.

I guess we both felt it was inevitable that we would split at somepoint after this process as the decision confirmed that both of us weren't confident our relationship was strong enough for a baby. However, throughout these last two months, he's matured so much and has started what it feels like to become the man I've always wanted him to be - so supportive, caring, emotional, mature and thoughtful, he's really opened himself up to me.. I'm starting to see him in a completely different light and can't help but feel like this horrendous experience is bringing us closer together and strengthening my feelings towards him. I'm scared I'm relying on him more than ever and we still have the distinct possibility of splitting up (I'm also aware my emotions and hormones are all over the place) however, I wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation where a termination has actually brought two people closer together rather than tearing them even further apart?

Any experiences from a similar situation would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

I’ve been with my other half for ten years. When we were only a few years in we fell pregnant accidentally. We were both very young, didn’t live together or have financially stable jobs so we had an abortion. It was not ‘easy’ but equally was 100% the right thing to do for us. I am convinced if we had continued the pregnancy we would not have lasted as a couple. However, we now have two children, are happy and i honestly don’t regret it.
I think as long as the decision was made equally, for the right reasons and you are both understanding of each others feelings there is no reason it should cause any issues with you, unless there are other problems going on too.
They offer really good counselling services for people who have gone through an abortion - maybe you could look into it if you think you are both struggling a bit.

My boyfriend (now DH) and I had been together for six months when I became pregnant. We both knew straight away that we could not continue the pregnancy. It was difficult but I know I did the right thing for us in our circumstances. We're still together, we got married just over two years later and now have a lovely son. Mutual support and respect was key xx

OP have you told your DP how you feel about him now?

Thanks for your responses.

The decision was made equally, but both of us at that time because we didn't have complete confidence that the relationship would be strong enough for a baby. So the conversations were more focussed on us having to split acknowledging this.

I'm too scared to tell him how I feel as I don't think it's fair - he's being an incredible support but I can tell is doing his best to try and not give me mixed signals that we are in a relationship now. We're both grieving so much, I don't want to put extra pressure on him, especially if he's made up his mind and thinks splitting up will be best for him. I don't want to give him any emotional blackmail :-(