Quality time with my son.

[Lm21]

Hi, would just like to get some opinions on my situation and possibly some ideas on what to do.

I separated from my husband in April, my decision as I just didn't feel anything for him after a rocky few months and issues over a few years.
We have a 3 year old son and he has 3 children to his ex.

LO goes to his dad's on a Monday and Thursday (soon to be Monday and Wednesday due to my new job) and every other saturday late morning until Monday morning when he goes to nursery. He has his other children on the same weekend he has our son and that's it.

I spoke to my ex a couple of weeks ago as I noticed every time LO was there my ex had friends round. I thought it was a bit unfair as he's supposed to be spending time with our son, he has plenty of time to see friends when our son isn't there.
His reaction wasn't great but ended amicably.

Last weekend, the saturday, he took our son to a birthday party at his exs house (mother of his other children) and stayed the night with our son.
His ex is in a relationship, she has 6 children to 3 dad's, her partner has a set of twins, her sister and nephew also live there in a 3 bedroom house. All of these people were present when my ex and son stayed.

He also stayed there with our son on the Monday a few days later.

The Thursday of the same week he had his friend round. Then didn't see our son from Friday morning until Monday night as he was with me, his friend was round again.

I just feel he is being very selfish nd isn't spending any real time with our son when there are always other people around.

Am I wrong in feeling this way?
Also he doesn't pay maintenance because I said I know he doesn't have a lot of money and I'm not skint so didn't want to take it if I didn't really need it.

Any advice on the situation would be very much appreciated!
Thank you! X

He needs to pay maintenance, it doesn’t matter how much you earn, he needs to pay to contribute to his child’s living costs. You might not get much as he has so many children but it’s worth doing anyway.

As to contact, you’re not wrong to feel this way but if your son is safe and his dad is there then it’s really up to him what he does on his contact time. It’s shit and doesn’t sound like quality time, that number of people in a 3 bed is clearly insane, but it won’t be the case every weekend. Is your son generally happy and well looked after? That’s the main thing.

I did mention to him an alternative about maintenance, because it was me who left him in our home I only took so much of my son's clothing so I have spent quite a lot on new clothes for him. I wasn't sending him to see his dad with his new clothes on because I didn't want to end up with no clothes again after spending so much so I suggested that instead of him giving me money that he go buy him some new clothes so I don't have to worry about losing all of mine. He was starting to grow out of his old things toon he did go and get him some new things but I've only seen 2 t-shirts since this conversation.
Our son is happy yes but I do feel he could look after him a little better, I.e feed him less crap and have a set routine for him with baths and bedtime. I only live across the road at the moment so I can hear him in the garden at his dad's. Sometimes gone 8pm and I have a routine of bath and in bed by 7.45.
It's just so difficult because if I ever try to talk to him about things he gets really defensive and believes he is the best dad in the world. Hes not a bad dad but he could be a lot better, especially with his other children I think.
When we were together his children stayed every weekend but now they stay every other. He's just had a week off but didn't see them and more than normal. But this not anything to do with me anymore.

He goes out every weekend our son is with me but claims he never pays for nights out. I'm not sure if he's taking the piss or he genuinely has friends that do that.

I just want an amicable co parenting relationship but don't feel I can voice my feelings without having an argument.