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Relationships

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Starting new

3 replies

mummathreeboys · 13/08/2018 17:49

I've been single for 2 years now. Well. I got myself into a friend with benefit situation which lasted 15 months. Stupidly we both fell for each other but as far as I was concerned he lived a fair distance away and has children up there and I have my kids here and career. Neither could move. It was meant to be fun.

15 months in, he confesses he isn't actually single. He's married. I had NO idea. And tbh I think it's broken me completely. I can't get over him. I know I should be angry and mad. His wife caught him messaging me. He's pretty much lived a double life the whole time. Just grateful I didn't introduce him to my kids! But despite dating the whole time no one has ever come close to him ☹️
This happened in March.

Fast forward to now. I've been on a few dates with a new guy. It's going really well and tbh I am SO fucked off with being on my own now! He appears and says he likes me a lot and is surprised at how quickly he's developing feelings for me. And it's mutual. I am waiting for things to go tits up!

BUT the married guy is still there. No physically anymore. I stopped seeing him when I found out. But this guy has been my rock for the last 16 months. I went through house move after separation, divorce, family dramas, getting through my nursing degree at the same time, he was always there. Always. When I hit rock bottom he would show up and pick me back up again. We still talk. Though not as often as we usually do. I still love him. And I know he's a bastard. He's still being a bastard by staying in contact with me.

BUT I don't want to ruin my chances with new guy. I like him a lot, we get on well, have lots in common. He lives close by. And more importantly he's single (I think, but I have trust issues here) and wants me too.

How do I get over married guy? I know I need to. Contact is Minimal, but the thought of cutting contact sends me into a panic.

What a bloody mess.

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 13/08/2018 17:59

You know what you need to do. Until you cut contact with him you won’t be giving 100% to this new guy and you also know that bastard two-timing exFWB isn’t giving 100% to his wife either.

Honestly know what he’s like, I can’t understand how you still have fond feelings for him. He’s a liar and a cheat, not a friend - even with the benefits.

Cut him off and look forward not back.

mummathreeboys · 13/08/2018 18:02

I can't understand it either! I want to give myself a shake! 🤬

OP posts:
Storm4star · 13/08/2018 18:12

I still love him

This is the problem. You like the new guy a lot, on paper he looks great and you're fed up of being on your own. So you want it to work. I get that, 100% But I don't think you're in love with him, so married guy is still consuming your thoughts.

If I have my sums right, were you alone for around 4 months before you met the married guy? That isn't long. I know it isn't what you want to hear but I don't think either of them is the right one for you. I agree you definitely have to really try and cut contact with the married guy. That is totally going nowhere and will only make you feel worse as time goes on.

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