Alcoholism

[mm2one]

Hello. I am the DH. I have been married to my DW for about 18 years. We have 2 DC .

We seem to be generally happy. I don't think we fight and have no money problems. Kids and parents and we are generally healthy.

My wife seems to have befriended some new people over the last few years. They are a different culture and they tend to drink and party a lot.

It seems the drinking is getting worse. Yesterday I went over to their house to help her and the kids home. She blacked out and fell in bathroom and hurt her face and nose.

I am not sure how to broach this issue without turning into the controlling husband that forbids his wife from going out and have fun. Any advice or tips on what to do or how to handle this.

Is she becoming an alcoholic? Is the the beginning of the problems? She was bleeding everywhere and throwing up. The kids were really afaid. I also really hated having the Kids see her this way. She is 45. Is she got through some weird phase? Is she unhappy in marriage and that's why drinks? Any advice appreciated.

How often does she drink? How often is she drunk to the extent you describe? How does she know the new friends?

How often is this happening?

I can only tell you what happened in my situation

My ex drinking increased. To the point he was having seizures. I wasn't allowed to discuss it with him as I was 'boring'

He was spending more time away from the family and had new circle of friends. Who weren't boring. And he left. Saying he was drinking because he wasn't happy. Although I under stand that 6 months on his drinking is still excessive. But at least it is no longer my problem.

Oh and there was an ow who is half my age.

I hope your situation is different and I hope that your wife can except the help she needs.

She met the other women through the kids school. Basically, they are drinking mom's. The problem is I told her, those other people drink all the time and have a higher tolerance. She doesn't and she needs to know her limits.

How often. Well, it seemed to be almost every weekend. Sometimes also on weed days. They all live in neighborhood and also go walking and text all the time .

It slowed down a bit last month now that we had a few family holidays.

But I can tell she want to keep going out and drinking with them and having her fun.

Hi OP, I'm so sad to read this. I lived with a functioning alcoholic for several years and it was awful. I was "a control freak" for telling him he was in danger of killing himself.

How often has she gotten this drunk? I would say this is third time in last year and a half. But this is first time she fell and injured herself. Before it was mostly throwing up.

I have known her since she was 18. She always has tolerance issues and sometimes threw up. It happens . But now she is 45.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

And no she is not going through some weird phase; she is an alcoholic. Some of the people she mixes with may well have dependency problems relating to alcohol as well.

Did she seek medical treatment?

Your children have seen more than enough already re their drunk mother and they do not need to see more of her alcoholism. Her primary relationship is with drink and her thoughts centre on where the next drink is going to come from. Its certainly not with you as her H or her children. What do you want them to remember primarily about their childhoods; surely not this?. They could certainly remember her getting injured, drunk and throwing up.

You have a choice re your wife; they do not. You are a part of this too; alcoholism is not known as the family disease for nothing.

Thanks. She did not seek treatment.

What's the downside of just letting this run it's course. I step back and just let her sort this out as figure it out for herself.

Yes, I believe I heard that one of the other women has apnea and does not sleep and has to take pills or something. Not quite sure . I stay out of it. Not my business.

OP I am speaking as someone whose husband has left her due to her drinking (although he also has OW). It will not run it's course - it will get worse. She needs to get help now and you need advice on how to help her.

It's not just as easy as just stopping or cutting down. She needs to understand why she is abusing alcohol. I'm in counselling and have not had any alcohol in 16 days despite going through the hardest, most devastating time of life because of the insight gained through the counselling and developing strategies to deal with reasons for my drinking.

You sound like u want to help which is good, but as I said, you too need advice as it is unlikely she will just agree she has a problem and stop. Hope it goes well.

Well done saltandvinegar what you've done was extremely hard.

"What's the downside of just letting this run it's course. I step back and just let her sort this out as figure it out for herself"

She will need to hit very VERY rock bottom, if she really is an alcoholic and that can take years if at all. If she is heavily drinking like that when the children can witness it, you really have a problem as she has got to the point where the children's well being is second to the booze.

My sister is / was an alcoholic and its horrific. I urge you to approach the situation now if possible and try and do early intervention than letting the situation progress. Obviously it might not do any good.

There are also good support groups like Al-Anon which are for families. Try to contact them.

Good luck

Thanks monkey.