One night stand

[Musti]

I had my first one night stand last night. He lives a long way away and our lives are completely different so I know nothing would ever happen. We are part of one Facebook group and he has my number so he can contact me if he wants. I feel pretty shit about the fact that he hasn't contacted me as he was so keen and we had an amazing night. I don't want a relationship but would like to keep in touch as friends as he is an interesting guy and because I'd like some connection . I'm wondering whether to message him or to leave it. I've only ever had sex in a relationship so I'm feeling a bit confused.

Leave it. If he wanted it to go further he would have swapped numbers with you

ONS are not supposed to contact you afterwards, that's the whole point: ONE night. And to be honest it's an unlikely way to start a friendship. Just appreciative it was an amazing night (most ONS are not unfortunately) and move on.

Get a real life partner. Good luck.

The trouble is that some people are not cut out for ONS. I never really was. I enjoyed them too much and wanted more. So I stopped.

Don't confuse ONS with friendship or courtship. There's no reason to expect ongoing contact, and his actions are not remiss.

he may see it as FWB though, you were already frineds on FB and will go on, so it's not like a classic ONS. It's only been lesshtan 24 hours though - pretty sure he'll contact you for more when he's in the area again (may well chat on fb meanwhile).

Sorry we aren't Facebook friends and only met yesterday, just part of the same group. The only reason why I would want to contact him is to make it clear that I don't expect anything other than keeping in touch. If he contacts me would he be worried that I may think it's more?

I have no feelings for him other than I found him to be nice and interesting and would like to stay in touch especially because we had sex. I would not want a relationship even if it had been offered.

So what exactly are you asking us OP?

So effectively you do want a form of relationship with him even if it's not sexual? It sounds more like you're regretting the ONS and want to 'become friends'. Just move on from it OP, he might not be all that once you get to know him anyway.

You are really over thinking this. Contacting him to say you expect him to keep in touch but also make clear you want no relationship.

It was a ons. If you were really ok with that, you would be fine with non contact

I wouldn’t expect or want a ONS to keep in touch, and would be a bit unnerved if a ONS wanted to be ‘friends’

Yes I am over thinking it because it's weird to me to be so intimate with someone and there be no connection. I enjoyed it and don't regret it but I'm probably not cut out for emotionless sex!

Not being cut out for it, is fine. Many of us aren't.

I had a fwb situation. Turned into a relationship. I am lucky that he felt the same way. I would have been devastated if he had been shagging someone else or moved on. It taught me that FWB, is not something that's right for me.

Having a one night stand away is not the way to make friends or look for a relationship. I think you were hoping the one night stand would lead to more. He may get in touch if he wants sex again.

Chocolatecoffee not at all. Didn't even know who he was until last night and I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment. I'm unlikely to ever see him again so it's not that.

I'll leave it for now but may message him in the future (we have each other's phone numbers- I asked him if he wanted my number as I was leaving and he called my phone with it).

You must have wanted more though otherwise you wouldn't have been upset at his silence and wouldn't have posted about it on here. Sometimes some things are better left alone and are meant to be a one off. I'm not knocking you at all, I've had one night stands in my past, from the ones I'd kept in touch with it always had a sexual basis and fizzled out shortly after because they weren't what I wanted.

I think you should decide what it is you're wanting. All my long term relationships started as ONS, including dh. I messaged him on fb to ask if he fancied a rematch and he said yes. We were only talking about it last week, and he said he never would have had the confidence to contact me and would definitely have left it.

I'm still not clear whether you wanted a repeat of it sometime, since it was 'amazing'? I thought you wanted to keep in touch for that as well as chatting - so that would be an FWB (not a relationship as such).

It was amazing but a repeat would be unlikely as it would involve a lot of travelling. I would like to keep in touch as a Facebook friend for example, nothing more.

well why not suggest that to him exactly as you put it here? it'd be fine!

You can't be friends with a ons op