Does this man sound like he is really into me?

[NoraJonesss]

Hi all, I’d love to get some opinions on a man I have been dating for a couple of months. Long post ahead, sorry!!

I met this man on Tinder two months ago. We saw each other regularly for a month (5 dates in total) and then I was out of town traveling for work the following month, so no chance to go out. During that month he kept in touch with me regularly, but over time his texts became a bit distant/ dull. So I became a bit hesitant about his intentions, as I wasn’t sure he was really into me. Moreover, I knew he broke up with a long-term gf only 6 months before, so I was worried he might be looking for something casual (while I am not interested in anything casual). I started thinking that we might not be on the same page, so I pulled back a lot on contact and mentally prepared to move on from this guy. Went back on Tinder, chatted to a couple of other guys, and even went on a random date in the city I was staying in for work.

As soon as I got back, he asked me out immediately. So we went out again and OMG! It was so so blissful!

He was so affectionate, and thoughtful and tender with me. He remembered small things I like such a certain type of music or dish and ensured we played that music or ordered that dish. He kept talking about small things he wants to do with me in the fall. While previously I wasn’t sure if he was really into me, after our date I felt that we both really liked each other and that this had the potential to turn into something long-term.

When we are not together though, I become a bit paranoid again. He texts me regularly, but not a lot. Usually one text every day. He works away during the week, so we can usually only see each other once or twice a week.

When I am with him, I feel like he is a genuine, kind man and that he really likes me. When I don’t see him, I start doubting his interest and whether he sees me as a potential long-term thing or not.

I know the easiest solution is to talk to him, and I will. I would like to wait another couple of dates until things become more regular again after not having seen each other for a whole month. In the meantime, please dating experts, share your insights!!

Yes he seems interested the appropriate amount, you sound a little unsure/insecure tbh. No offence meant but just wondered if you had considered that.

This sounds lovely, you sound great together and I doubt you have anything to worry about re: his feelings towards you. Enjoy!

I am not big on messaging so frequently, though I used to be - that's why I don't lay great store by people's individual styles, as I've been both but remained the same person throughout iyswim. If I really liked someone 5 years ago I would've messaged a lot & now however much I like a person, it's all in the meeting up and having a nice time together. Same with non-romantic communication tbh. Bit shit at messaging overall doesn't really vary in function of how much I value people.

He's into you.. you sound a little insecure to be fair..

Take your time and enjoy dating for a little more time

I know I sound needy and insecure. I left an abusive relationship last year and I feel like that experience had a big impact on my previously healthy self-esteem. I am scared of being played and taken for a mug again, so I am having a hard time trusting this new man and opening up to him.

Have you tried just messaging him when you feel like a char, instead of always waiting for him to text you each day. He possibly thinks you don't like messaging often.

Do you know where he lives or have you visited his house? I'm not saying he is but the lack of texting and being 'away with work' seems a tiny bit suspicious but if yo7 have been to his house then I wouldn't worry about that at all. He may just be not that into texting. Maybe call him a few times mid week? Xx

Toto yes I have been to his place many times, he is most definitely single. He is a consultant so he often works away Mon-Thu, although that depends on the project he is assigned to.

OP if you are scared then no need to open up totally/give him your all - it's healthy for you not to rush with your feelings, Think more on the lines of getting to know him properly, not 'what does he think of me' all the time.
He's on his best behaviour so far, be open-minded but sceptical until you see various sides of him.

He's probably just not a texter.

Djnoun yes I suspect that might be the case!

LoveForPG wise wise words!

Ugh he hasn't now texted in 2 days and my mind is running wild again

Remember twenty years ago there was no texting between dates. The odd phone call to confirm, but that was it. Expecting constant contact is very new thing and it just isn't in everyone's nature. If two days without contact is sending you into a tizzy this early in dating him, then you need to step back from dating him or anyone until you can deal with it or you need to tell him your history has left you a bit shaking and ask for what you need: ie consistency.

I had a hot n colder. Lovely when we met, text everyday and then weird quiet periods. I later discovered he was dating other people and the days he was quiet was when he was out with them.

I discovered this when he accidentally sent me a text meant for his other date (no my name is not Kate!)

I believe in instinct so trust that.

I believe in instinct so trust that.

Whatsinaname but my gut feeling about him is good, it is just that I get really paranoid when he is not in touch!

If your gut is good, go with that! You've spent time with him, looked him in the eye conversed with him and if your instinct is good, relax and enjoy!

It sounds like you have slightly different values and would maybe benefit from having a good talk about what you're both looking for. When I met my DP, we were lucky that we were both looking for the same thing at the same time and neither of us wanted to play any games or waste any more time, so we were both really honest about it all. This worked for us and made a refreshing change after previous relationships. Consequently, I would recommend you do the same - tell him what you want. You'll soon know if he feels the same, and if he doesn't, it's best to find out sooner rather than later.

Gut instinct is usually right. I once met a guy online, over the phone and text he seemed more into me than I was him, in person he was into me, really full on, but between dates I just got this horrible feeling. He had told me he only wanted me and was exclusively dating me but something wasn't quite right.
Sure enough, he sent me a text saying he didn't want to date me anymore. In hindsight, I'm sure he was chatting to and meeting other women all along.

If he hasn’t messaged in a couple of days there’s something you could try: send him a message via the medium of your choice.

Tasteless I know, but I realized that I initiated our last two text convos, so I am bit conscious of establishing a pattern where I am always the one putting effort in while he sits back. Is this a really stupid thought?

No that's not stupid, it's how you find out if he really likes you and can make the effort for you. And ideally you want to be equally into each other. It is nice to be pursued.

To me, if someone is really into you, you don’t find youself needing to ask Mumsnet.