My ex slept with someone but wants to sort things out between us.

[Tazza6891]

Hi. So me and my ex split up 2 months ago now but we've been living together (hes in spare room as got kids together) but were still occasionally sleeping together.We were together 8 years. Now we had a massive argument Wednesday as I had found out he had slept with someone just a week after we had split up. I wouldn't of been that bothered but here's why I am. He didn't tell me just because he knew if he had told me I wouldn't give him sex anymore!! So he hid it from me. He now wants to sort things out between us but I just feel sick and my chest hurts. I know I love him but I don't know how to get past this. He's been so Wrong doing this to me

Self inflicted imo.
You gave him the chance to mess with your head when you kept shagging him.
Ex means ex imo.

So he wants to have his cake and eat it. Is he still seeing the new woman?

This man wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Ex's are ex's often for good reason and you and he need to be completely apart now. You are probably also confusing love with codependency.

It was a 1 night stand he said it was shit and he was angry that we had split up. He wants us to sort things out. But since I found out Wednesday all we've done since is argue until silly o'clock in the morning about it so I can't see how we can move forward.

He was never an ex though if you still lived together and slept together, so he cheated on you.

Who initiated this 'split'? If he did perhaps it was because he had someone else lined up and wanted to say he was 'single'.

It's the fact that we said to one another that we'd be open as we were still good friends is that we'd tell Eachother if and when we wanted to see someone else. The fact that he didn't tell me he slept with someone a week after we split and kept it from me just so he could sleep with me still. Is what hurts the most

Why are you still sleeping with him? 🙄

We had a mutual split up. We spoke openly about and decided it was for the best but it was agreed that in the future we may sort things out. Hense why we'd be open with Eachother if we wanted to see someone else. We'd been together 8 years and we've got 3 kids together so I wasn't just gonna kick him out so I moved him and his stuff up to spare room for the kids sake

We had made a agreement until one of us wanted to see or be with someone else that we'd be happy being f**k buddies as we both know that we're safe and happy that way.

But yet I lied and kept it from me. But know wants to sort things between us. But I don't know how I'll get past this my chest hurts alot of the time

So if she had been a good shag he would have gone back for more then?

I don't know. Maybe?

He was never an ex while you were still shagging him and living together.
Perhaps live apart for a while, stop shagging or being FWB and see how it goes.

This is exactly why being fuck buddies with an ex, particularly one you still live with and clearly still love, is such a bad idea. You need a proper split in my opinion, even if you do end up back together in the future the current set up is unhealthy.

Tell him to leave.
You've got 3 young children to look after and you need their home life to be stable.
I know it's upsetting for you but you're a responsible adult, so act like one and get rid of this game playing environment from your home.

But he wants to start having date nights etc and he wants to see if he can change his ways ( the reasons why we split) and sort things out between us. It just with how I'm feeling and this constant arguing at the moment I don't know how

I am wanting to try but I don't know how. If you know what I mean

“Sort things out”, what the hell does that mean. You both want your cake, you don’t want him in your bed permanently and he wants to shag other people because you’re ‘technically single’ (yeah, yeah, I know he promised he wouldn’t lie).

There’s a reason he’s in the spare room, sort your relationship out or don’t sort your relationship out but obviously this ‘FWB/ living together but separate/ best friends’ nonsense sounds only good on paper. Children can handle change, it’s uncertainty that messes them up. It’s time to decide, sort your shit out or split properly.

FWB doesn’t work when you have dc and live in the same homehold it was never going to work as it was blurring the lines.

He can't want to try very hard if he's had a one night night stand and then gone home to his children and former partner imo. What were the reasons for him sleeping in the spare room?

You were separated but agreed to stay living together for now until one of you wanted to start seeing other people. He wasn’t seeing someone else, he had a ONS, which he was fully entitled to do, given you had separated. He should have told you before you had sex with him again, due to the risk, but not due to the relationship. Stop feeling like he cheated on you, because he didn’t. He was sexually irresponsible having sex with you without informing you he’d had sex elsewhere, but that’s all he ‘owed’ you.

You need to park this and think about the actual relationship, why you separated and either try to make a go of it with him, or separate properly. Stop kidding yoursekvesvtgat this dumb ass living arrangement is ‘for the kids’, it’s not. It will damage the kids, not help them.

If you REALLY think he is able to be the man you want, then give it a go. If you actually know he’s not capable of it, pull your big girl pants up, and tell him it’s over.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes harsh is exactly what we need.

Oh come on love, if someone has to try this bloody hard and still fail miserably to not be a knob, then you already know that it’s a waste of your time.

He didn’t tell you about his shag because he knew you wouldn’t like it, therefore continuing a long established pattern of his actions not matching his words. It’s time to accept him for who he is and not the person you desperately want him to be, there isn’t a better version of him waiting around the corner.

He wants date night so he is guaranteed sex that night incase he can't get it elsewhere. He isn't committed to your life together. And certainly isn't an ideal df.
Ltb.
Properly