Couples that live and have children together- QUESTIONS

[Isabella26xx]

It's a predicament I'm in and wondering if everyone who lives together as a couple (unmarried preferably) with children can answer:

*Who pays for what? As in financial responsibility etc,
So bills , good shopping, toiletries etc, kids clothes and food?

And if you have separate cars who pays for insurance, MOT, road tax etc - do you pay for your respective own?
*
I am just baffled cos everyone I'm talking to seem shocked when I tell them I pay for everything I own MYSELF. Long story short, me n partner lived together , at the time I paid for food and childcare bills and he paid the rest (all household bills), but I had my own car so always paid myself for it's MOT and West & tear etc
Fast forward 6 years later we split up. I had to move out as his parents bought the house so he would pay them a kind of rent/mortgage fee monthly
Anyway, I had to obviously get my own house on mortgage
Fast forward to two years later we get back together!!!! Now back to living in original house, I'm still paying my mortgage for MY own house but only paying for food, he pays all house bills as I'm still paying for mine and renting it room only basis atm
But people seem shocked by this arrangement? They say he should be paying for everything. ??

Also he's on 30k and I'm on 15k

Please can everyone advise me if this is ok or normal ? ?!?!

When we started seeing each other my partner had gone back to uni as a mature student so had moved back to his mums to save money. Pretty quickly he moved in with me (I lived alone in a rented flat) and I'm currently in the process of buying a house that will be entirely in my name and I will be paying the mortgage.

(Partner is still a student and I'm happy with this arrangement as I want to feel that I've achieved this house)

We both own our own cars and pay for these ourselves. All outgoings are our own. We even pay for our own food etc as he's a big meat eater and I'm vegetarian / border line vegan.

I'm 3 months pregnant and we're now discussing getting a joint account so that we can split child costs evenly.

Things may change when he graduates and is working full time rather than part time but this works for us. I think I'm too independent and used to me myself and I to completely merge finances.

The only thing we've agreed to which goes against this is my family is planning a huge holiday next year so he'll be paying for me, him and baby to go on that with his savings so it can be paid in full - and then we'll both top them back up each month so we have longer to pay for it really

Hi there!

Only recently married with 1DS. When we first got together he moved in within the first week (very long story!) with me but I made it clear right away that everything was going to be split fairly via a percetange. So we both contributed 90% of our wages to house hold stuff and couple things and the remaining 10% we can do whatever we want with. About 3 months later we found out I was pregnant so we decided that we could only have £50 personal money each and everything else would be classed as joint money and set up a joint bank account and if either of us wanted to spend anything from the joint account we would talk to each other first.

I honestly think it's best for a couple to split costs of living fairly via a percentage of a wage or to understand that you are part of a team with finances at least.

I've watched my mum struggle to much in unfair relationships where she was left with no money as bills etc were split 50:50 rather than based on what they both earned.

But that said it really is up to each couple on how they work it. As long as there is agreement and understanding from both sides and no one feels like they are being hard done by then that's okay.

DP & I earn exactly the same amount. We have 1 child.

We have DDs for car insurance etc set up from before we were together- these come out of our individual accounts. We leave only enough money in individual accounts to cover these outgoings and pay all the rest into a joint account. All other expenses such as rent, petrol, food, utilities comes out of our joint. We also have two saving accounts that I transfer across excess to.

So we have individual bills but everything works out equal and really it doesn't matter how each bill is getting paid as we class our incomes as joint and consider all money as 'family' money

DH and I still have separate savings accounts from the past. Not sure why because all our money (his salary as I am now SAHM) goes into a joint account which a set amount goes out of straight away into a joint savings account. We live on the rest and the day before he gets paid, anything left over £200 is also automatically swept across into the joint savings account.
Before I stopped work, we both paid 70% of our salary into the joint current account. The rest went into our individual savings.

We are unmarried, 2 kids, he works, I am sahm (and have no personal income).

His wages go into joint account, ALL bills (from mortgage, insurances, cars, to Netflix and a small subscription I have) come out of that account. I do all financial admin, and basically take a fixed amount into my account which covers food and petrol and "spends" for the month. I put a fixed amount into another joint account which is effectively his current account (but I can spend from if I want/need to).

Anything over and above those amounts goes into my savings account for holidays, savings, emergencies, a bit of financial security for me (I flippantly call it my running away fund 🤣) to offset not earning while the kids are small.

Mortgage is joint, I know where every penny is (we have a spreadsheet covering joint account spends, credit card spends (I also have a 2nd card on his cc account), and savings balances.

Before kids, I worked and we were saving for a house deposit. I put 3/4 of my salary into savings and he paid for all overheads.

We put everything into one bank account, pay everything that needs paying. Bills, essentials, kids stuff. What's left is ours to do what we want with.

DP earns about 3 times what I do, but when the DC were younger I earned nothing anyway...

All money just goes into a joint account and is then our money.

Me and my partner are unmarried. She and her kids were in a very abusive relationship so the kids have no contact or money from their dad.

We also have a 12 week old of our own. So 5 kids in total.

I work, she doesn't (for now).

Everything comes out of my bank as we only have my wage and tax credits.

Each paying their own in our house just wouldn't work. The tax credits we get only just cover the shopping bill!

No, it works for us.

Because the basics are agreed, it feels as though the pressure is off money wise.

How to spot a money grabber man:

They call their dp a money grabber!

Unmarried with two kids and earn roughly the same.

We pay at amounts into the joint account for all bills and childcare expenses. The rest of our money is technically ours. I know I buy more for the kids but he pays for the car at I don't drive. Generally comes out in the wash over the month but we both say if one of us incurrs a big expense and we need to share the cost.

Technically what's left over us 'ours' and wet do spend it on different things, but it's still an imaginary pool that we would share if needed.

With your disparity in income it doesn't sound fair

We live together and have one child. We don't have a joint bank account and pay for anything that is our own separately (such as car/mobile) he pays the (joint) mortgage and I pay the house bills they roughly come to the same amount . Sometimes he pays for items for our son or sometimes I do, same with food. We don't keep record of who buys what but think it's fairly similar and if one of us hasnt got a lot of money left at end of month than other one pays. He earns 8k more than me.

I'm currently on maternity leave and gone down to lower pay so he is buying all the food now. We will both pay half of childcare when I'm back at work

He pays his car bills, phone/Internet, mobiles, rent, TV licence
I pay my car bills, childcare (though we use vouchers so I just pay the difference) , electric, rent, council tax
We split food and petrol with whoever has card on them/most money left/who got paid first etc

Hi OP, I'm a man married with 2 children. Before kids we earned roughly the same so split everything equally. Post children my wife went part time at work and I now earn 3x as much, though my wife is independently more wealthy via an inheritance. We have a joint account and all household bills, mortgage, car, children's clothes etc comes out if that. We split that 3/4 me and 1/4 my wife to reflect our incomes. But we still maintain our own money (so eg my salary is paid into my own account and I direct debit into our joint account).

We earn roughly similar amounts, my dh maybe slightly more at the moment (he’s self employed so it’s different each year). We pay all our own personal expenses (car tax, mot, petrol, phones, etc). Then we each pay certain joint expenses - he pays the rent and council tax, I pay for childcare and food shopping, I tend to pay for most things for the dc like clothes and shoes as I’m doing the shopping anyway, he pays for meals and days out, etc. It works out roughly even. We don’t have a joint account (too lazy to go set one up and this has worked fine for 10 years). When one of us spends a lot, like when I buy a lot of heating oil or now when I’m buying school uniform, the other will just send over a certain amount of money as needed. We’ve never pooled our money and that seems weird to me. I like keeping my own bank account and this has always worked fine. I think if what you’re doing works then great. If it doesn’t then try something different.

@Sevendown
OMG is this true?! Sad to say, he's the most money minded person I've met and I've had to tiptoe around money with him for years :(

We have our own bank accounts and a joint account. From the joint account all joint bills are paid such as mortgage all household bills and Insurance, stuff for pets and car stuff as we have one car between us and a company car which we don’t pay for.
He pays for all the food shopping though because I’m currently a student and have zero money but beforehand and once I’m not then it will go back to joint account.
We each pay our own mobile phone bills and bits we have that is our own.
Due to me being a student he sends me money to my bank every month because I over £1000 a month worse off than when I worked full time so he does it so I don’t have to ask for things like money for a new pair of jeans or something silly just so I have some expendable money. It works for us this way at the moment who knows how it will be in the future but right now this system works