In need of support - possibly leaving DH

[Justme1981]

Hi All
I've posted here about my relationship before & a recent Aibu? Thread. In brief things have been difficult since ds arrived, hes never really adapted. We have really been trying to make things work, it was starting to improve. Then the other night he left ds whilst i was driving home from work to get cash for takeaway (that i already had & he knew this) ds is 18months, he left him upstairs sleeping (ive an aibu thread on this but dont know how to link) ds is fine, i was am still am fuming, dhs reaction was to get angry with me, hes been sleeping on sofa since (which is fine by me). I think this is it for me, im going to see lawyer on tues to get advice (hes prev threatend to take ds from me & get me to pay him maintence to make it even as i earn more) im having a wobble & keep doubting im doing the right thing, i'll miss our old dog, & prev hes told me things will get nasty if we split. I dont know what im after really, a handhold, some support/reassurance or to be told to put up & shut up. Ive no close family & v little rl support. Thank you for reading.

What are the issues? Have you spoken to him about how you feel? I'd be the same about him leaving the little one alone regardless of him sleeping it was a very silly thing for him to do

Hi yes we've talked & had counselling in the past, its all on my other threads i just cant find how to link sorry

Anyone?

Offering a handhold.

Not really sure what to say as no one can tell you if it’s the right thing especially without any information.

But you sound low. I hope things work out for you one way or the other.

I hear you. I'm sorry I have no words of advice but am in a similar boat. I would furious with DH for that too... its completely unacceptable and dangerous behaviour. My DH refused to call an ambulance for DD when she collapsed a few months ago..." stop over-reacting" he had said. I called one frantically and it was a very good job I did. I haven't been able to feel the same way about DH since. Also, I worry about him looking after her alone if I were to leave him. Aside from this kind of neglect, he's a fun, hands on Dad, he just doesnt see danger at all. So I feel guilty and forced into staying.

Why did he leave the baby alone?

Hi
He wanted custody but left the baby alone . ? Even if it was a one off I can’t see anyone giving him custody tbh
He threatens you with things will get nasty ( isn’t that nasty in itself )
Hmmm so you have the baby , you earn more money ? What exactly can he do ? ( I am sure someone will be along in a min to say all the things he can do )
I honestly think you need to have a big chat about responsibility , and then in the background start getting your ducks in a row ( you may decide that all has improved and you don’t want to do that ) but always helps to be ahead in your planning
What do you want to do op ?
Is this a deal breaker for you ? That’s the question

Hi all thanks for the replies im going to try putting in links to prev threads as it gets a bit long! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3331511-18-month-old-left-alone-10-mins-asleep

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3298577-Advice-needed-please-no-support-in-RL

They always say they'll go for custody, they know it'll tug on our fears and make us not take the risk. They very rarely actually want custody though.

Don't let that stop you splitting if that's what you want.

Thanks all - suziesoo im so pleased your little one is ok, & sorry you feel trapped into staying.

I know i need to get myself straight & get out in my head if it was my friend i'd be telling her the same, its very difficult though, thank you to those who offered support i really need that just now

Go to a solicitor ,you said u were doing this in July what happened ? Don’t keep putting it off it’s going to get worse not better
He is abusive irresponsible and downright nasty , ( just read your previous posts )
He is getting his paperwork ready , make sure you have yours sorted and good legal advice
Is there no way you can go to your mums ?

I wouldn’t be able to stay with a man who left my 18 month alone.
I’d doubt he will get full custody after this behaviour and form what you said he doesn’t really want it.
Getting divorced is shit and hard and you’ll doubt your decision, but then one day you wake up happy. Happy with your life on your terms not being miserable trying to keep it all together and it will be worth it.

You seem a really lovely person. I'm sorry you've going through this. Good luck.

Thanks all, for the good wishes & giving me hope.
things got better which is why i put off the solicitor - im definitely going this week. I guess its just hard going i feel like im a failure if i give up on us. But the bad bits arent worth the good (even when its good its not great) deep down i know that.
I don't have a relationship with my mum & my dad rip 9 years ago, ive no where to run until i get myself a place sorted.
Thank you again to all who replied & for your support

See what your solicitor says , and womens aid , good luck , you will b so relieved once this is sorted . He is a drain on you .

Thank you, im really hoping that feeling of relief will come

Just popping back to say hope you got some good advice today , and are feeling more positive x

Hi jacksback sorry i didnt see you had replied further, my solicitor was great, she has advised i dont look at moving house as she is concerned it would weaken my position re childcare, i would need to pay child maintenance - which was a shock! But she said if 50/50 then she would argue not to pay this, she also suggested mediation. Im now trying to get up the courage to speak to him again - im burying my head in the sand a bit at the mo, im also worried about leaving ds with him half the week for us it would be mon/tues/weds/thurs with h then thurs night fri/sat/sun with me - id miss ds & ddogs dreadfully!