OW / new woman

[Stripeyzigzag]

I am trying to get over the breakdown of a long marriage. He has a new woman who may have been OW its unclear. I have met her years back & was gobsmacked to find out.

I feel like it is a stage I am going through. I feel I need to know what their relationship is like - he says they get on better. I know she is younger and slimmer than me with no responsibilities. Are they out having fun? Partying more? Laughing? Is he on a charm offensive? Etc etc

I feel like I want these details and my brain cannot let go of speculating.
I think it is because deep down I want to know what she has that I don’t, what did I lack. I know it is only torturing myself but I feel it is a stage I need to go through. Can anyone relate to this or give me some advice?

Best thing you can do is go NC and just give it time. You'll find yourself caring less and less with each passing day

Yep agree with the above, No contact is the only way to truly move on.

OP I think you stated you had children, if they are his kids then you won’t be able to go full no contact. The next best thing is ‘grey rock’, show him no emotion or interest, make communication polite and business like.

Unless it’s anything to do with childcare or their welfare disengage and don’t reply. Social media is a teal kick in the teeth sometimes, unfriend, block, so whatever you have to do to not see any of his or her crap on social media.

It’s a horrible thing to go through, my experience was that my ex cheated, the relationship with the affair partner ended in some pretty tragic circumstances. I thought karma had caught up with them but after a couple of weeks my ex had met up with someone new and it all started again.

Focus on yourself and what you can control. Not what you can control. You’ll get there in the end it just takes time.

Good luck op

Op it is a horrible stage to endure but as other posters have said it will pass in time.
There is nothing you could have done or can do other than to vow to yourself that from this day you will concentrate on yourself and your children.
Your ex no longer matters.
I remember fee!ing so useless and ugly.
However an acquaintance told me how she had overheard two young men talking about my ex and the ow. They said that they could not understand what my ex was doing as apparently his ex wife (me) was absolutely lovely!
The acquaintance chipped in with ' and she is a beautiful person inside too, I know her!'

No doubt people will not be thinking good things about your ex or the ow.