When would a new man meet your kids?

[funnylittlefloozie]

I know there is no hard and fast rule, but just wondered what peoples thoughts were. My DD met my last boyfriend after a couple of weeks, but he and I knew each other as friends at that stage, so it was weird and we didnt tell her we were a couple until about 4 or 5 months into the relationship (he only stayed over when she was at her dad's).

She's nearly 16 now, and i have a new boyfriend who i have been seeing for about a month, and who she obvs hasn't met. I really, really like this man, i think the relationship might be the right one, and so i am trying to make everything go right for all of us.

How long would you leave it before introducing a new man to your children? Obvs if she was very young, i would leave it much much longer before introductions, but she is nearly 16!

You can’t know after 1 month though really that he is the one yet? At 16 I wouldn’t stress over it too much, he could meet her casually what worries me more is that this all seems to be moving very fast for 4 weeks!

Just enjoy dating and getting to know him properly. The family stuff will come with time. Rushing things won’t make something more ‘right’

At 16 can't you just tell her you are going out for a date with X. She can know you're dating and it's the same guy. I wouldn't introduce them for a while still, though. 6 months or so. You wouldn't introduce a boyfriend to the rest of your family before that so I don't see why a child is different.

The best thing you can do for DD is model a slow, steady, sensible approach to your feelings and relationships.

If you "really, really like" a man who you have been seeing for a month, to the extent that you are harbouring fantasies of a long term life with him - then, in the nicest possible way, he is likely to be manipulating you. He's a stranger. Slow down. Let him unfold a bit. Give him at least a year or two to show you who he really is, before you start pinning hopes on him...

Fwiw, I waited almost 1.5 years before introducing my dp as a friend. We are now almost 3 years in, and DC have only recently twigged that he is my dp and they are fine with it, they trust him etc. My DC were all under 5 though.

A year and a half? Wow, i am all for moving slowly when little ones are involved, but that might be too long for me.

A month is not really a long time, i agree. I am only just getting to know him at this stage. He isn't a total stranger - he used to work in the same place as me, i knew him very vaguely when he was here. He might not be "the one", but right now, he's a lot of fun and thats enough for me. I've invited him to my work Christmas do, and he's coming to my colleague's bbq over the BH weekend. I want to bring him to my friend's 50th birthday in october, so ideally he'll need to meet my DD before that!

But you don’t really know him. I would take things a lot slower than you are! Making plans 6 months in advance of someone you have known for 4 weeks could leave you with egg on your face and a broken heart!

Mine already knew my kids and i knew his before we started seeing each other, so we have met for coffee with kids in tow from early on and the kids get a kids drink and do some colouring for twenty mins if we happen to be in town at the same time. Our kids are used to doing this with various friends male and female so this wasnt out of the ordinary in any way.

Its been nearly a year and weve been talking about doing more things actually with the kids the last few weeks.

Ours are all primary aged.

You’ll get some horrible answers on here in answer to your question. I don’t think there is a right time. Each situation is different. The kids need to be protected obviously. I’m not sure on waiting too long as to me if it won’t work between the kids and the DP you can have wasted a year of your life.

At 16yrs old I would think you could say you are seeing someone and maybe after 3 months or so have him over for dinner maybe? Maybe even sooner. Really depends on the response of your daughter.

I met dh on a Saturday night in November, invited him to join me + adult dc for a night out after a fortnight.
Met younger dc at Christmas and never been apart in nearly 6 years.
Married with a toddler also!

Could you not start casually mentioning him and then when it feels right go out for dinner ?

I haven't really had to think about this yet as I've only been with someone for 3 months and my little boy is 3 but I imagine when the time feels right, it'll possibly be a little easier with your DD's age

One thing I will say though, is maybe don't think too much of the future plans just yet ;) but hope it works out

When I met my husband 10 years ago, I didn't meet his children until around 2 years into our relationship. After about 8 months to a year, they knew we were in a relationship, but we gave them lots of time to get used to the idea before I met them (as much for me as for them, as I needed to know I was definitely ready to commit to a man with children - who lived with him I should add). They were 14,12 and 4. I would mention you're dating to your daughter, then wait a good 6 months or so before you introduce her to him.

I think there is very good reasons to go as carefully at 15/16 as you would when they are very young.

My DC is the same age and I certainly wouldn't be introducing him to a guy id been seeing for a month.

Six months would be the earliest I'd introduce a new partner. My ex tried to introduce his new partner to DC after a month and it really messed him up for a while.