erugh the EX

[Jems86]

My ex has just started a new job and will now be changing the days he has our daughter. We have been apart for 6 years and DD is 8 now and I have always been very lenient to him. He usually has her on a Tue and Sat (not normal) but I feel it would be better if he has her on two days together. He got married last year and I have been living with my boyfriend and my daughter for 4 years so its not a jealousy thing. What do I do? Also I recently found out my ex's new wife said something to my daughter (about not missing them as much as she misses me) to make her cry. Daughter doesn't want me to say anything but I feel like I have to??!!!

You need to set your issues very clearly for us

Don't cause an argument, the wife would like that.
Just ask him if it's possible, remind him it would meant he gets longer to do things with his wife.

I don’t see the issue tbh and I don’t see the reason why the two days have to be together either. Ex sees ds every Tuesday and alternate fri night back sat tea time and the following week Tuesday and Sunday 9am till Monday morning this works around ex’s working life as he has to work a Saturday alternatively.

I just started a job and required to do training ex is off after an operation and is on the sick I asked him if he could have ds for four days. No problem at all. Just like when I had ds when he had an operation, it’s how co-parenting should work. As for what the dw said it totally depends in what content something had been said and a child that age could easily have misinterpreted something.

I don't want to cause an argument with them and while DD is on holiday its not an issue but she goes into year 4 in September and I don't think its fair that she doesn't know when she's going to be at her dads if it was the same days every week it wouldn't be a problem but it changes all the time and at the last minute. Also when she's at his her bedtime routine is changed to suit him which doesn't help either.
With regards to the comment his wife said my DD told be she said
"Its not nice that you cry when you miss mummy but you never cry when you miss us. Don't you love us? Don't you miss us?". is that something I let go?

First off definitely just forget about the comment, it is up to her if she wants to behave like this and at your daughter's age, although it is upsetting, if she's prepared to say things like that to a child it doesn't say much about her, so no doubt if you say something that'll just be something else for her to be nasty about.

Has he already said it won't be on specific days? Why isn't he able to commit to a routine?

Jobs aren’t necessarily 9-5 are they. A cOurt could easily set up access similar to mine which alternates each week.

She has a bedtime routine with you and another bedtime routine with them, that's OK. It's good for her to know that there are different ways of doing things.

He usually has her on a Tuesday and sometimes on a saturday, that in itself is a bit of an arrangement, although it would help you plan if you had more notice or it it were more fixed. that's all you can ask for really.

as for the comment about missing you/them, I would gently raise the matter with your ex to say that obviously when she is with them she misses the other one, and when she is with you that you are sure that she misses him/them, but his wife wouldn't see that. If I were you I would point out that the wife's comments are a little odd and upset DD a bit, especially as the wife is kind of raising an imagined issue because she would not even know if they were missed because she'd not be there to see it...

I would worry though that an 8yo is crying because she misses you when she is with her dad! that seems a little odd, she's too old for that, surely. Have you asked her what is bothering her to upset her?