Finally leaving DF for good after he cheated with his XW

[AsYouAre]

I don't know how to link threads, perhaps somebody will be able to. I posted here a while ago conflicted about whether myself and fiancé could come back from his infidelity. He slept with his ex wife, they have children. We have one young child together. He discussed with her personal details of our sex life to boot.

We split temporarily, got back together, traumatic bonding ensued but now I can't stand the sight of him.

Last week I "got my ducks in a row" and started to sort out my finances in preparation to go it alone. He doesn't know it yet but I'm telling him to leave this Saturday when he finishes work for the weekend.

I have tried and tried but I can't get past what he did, it has been emotionally depleting me. I don't want him touching me now, meanwhile he seems to think despite what he has done we can go on to have a healthy sex life. He is in my opinion, a sleaze.

However I'm scared, I never come into this thinking I'd be a single parent. I'd like to hear from others who have done it and coped just fine. I'm sad that our LO won't have both mummy and daddy here on a daily basis - but my need for peace of mind trumps that

This has been a long time coming and my mind is made up, I just hope we will be ok on our own

So sorry you're going through this OP. I'm not in exactly the same position. I have however recently become a single mum after realising I could no longer continue to be in a destructive marriage. Yes it's hard. But it's doable. Peace of mind trumps everything. Nothing compares to that.

How old is your child? What's the situation re work and housing? Do you work? Whose house is it? Can you financially cope? If not get advice regarding benefits you may be entitled to.

Do you have real life support from family and friends?

What are you MOST afraid of? Tackle that fear first.

What is your REASON for ending this relationship? Write about it in a journal. Keep reminding yourself about this reason. Put little reminders where you can see so you keep being motivated to reclaim your life.

Good luck op. Hope others come along with advice and encouragement.

I was following your previous thread. You've absolutely done the right thing. Wishing you strength. x

Can we come back from him sleeping with XW or is this beyond repairhttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3319606-Can-we-come-back-from-him-sleeping-with-XW-or-is-this-beyond-repair

Hope the link works. Totally get where you're coming from @AsYouAre, I feel for you

I'm full of admiration for you. It is scary branching out on your own but I quite understand how you find it difficult to come back from husband sleeping with his ex. Unfortunately that is something that happens all too often! Women too sleep with ex husbands (well obviously), even if in a new relationship/marriage. The ties of time are difficult to break, especially if there is no great bitterness and they've worked through the hurt.

You don't have to put up with it though, you and he have had a commitment AND a child.

Good luck to you.

Well he's gone as of Saturday

He didn't take it well and didn't see it coming, I don't know where he's staying. He's either going to rent somewhere else or run back to her, though I'm probably just being suspicious with the latter.

I'll have to look at moving now as I can't afford this place by myself long term but I'll be OK here for the next couple of months at least.

It feels strange without him here and I've had to stop myself calling him and asking him to come home. I know I've done the right thing in the long run it just hurts.

I'm not going to cave

Stay strong op, remember how much more you are worth. Thinking of you

Be strong OP...You deserve so much better than their crap!

Thank you I appreciate the hand hold x

Well done! You are worth so much more than the mess hes made. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I admire your courage.

You can do this OP, its not going to be easy to start with but once you get to the other end you will be so proud of yourself.
Ive been in the same situation, i didn't think i could be a single mum, i also have MS which made things tougher but i sit down every night knowing i never have to feel unhappy, and allow my kids to see me unhappy.
You are stronger than you realise x

I remember your previous thread. You've done the right thing for you.

I keep finding myself wondering whether he's going to end up back with the XW, I shouldn't care should I? When those thoughts creep in I busy myself with something else and remind myself he's no prize so fuck the pair of them

I think that is normal to worry about stuff like that but at the end of the day their marriage didn't workout the first time so more fool them!

Well done, op. It takes real determination to do this, I know.
You will be fine and you have spared your little one the pain of a breakup when she is older.
I was in exactly the same situation. In my case, he was angry for six months while back with the ex wife and then asking to try again when I bought a new home and things were generally on the up.
I haven’t regretted my decision once and my dc has a good relationship with him.