Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know where i stand??

18 replies

Vbxxx · 09/08/2018 09:32

So been in a relationship with my bf for over 6 months now and we knew each other 2 years before but i just feel like the relationship is going no where I've tried to talk about the future but he just says we need more time but i dont get it i love him he says he loves me surely thats enough? He hasn't met my family yet and i really dont know where i stand i want to be married one day and i do want a baby but at the moment i feel like im being used phsyically and would just like someone elses opinion

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/08/2018 09:38

Do you live together? 6 months is still quite early to be talking about marriage and babies.

AngelicDarkness · 09/08/2018 09:41

Sounds like you're running before you can walk. Slow down. It's been 6 months. You barely know him.

Thingsdogetbetter · 09/08/2018 09:41

It's only been six months! You're just getting to know each other as a couple. Far too early for nailing down future plans. At this stage it should be fun and flirting. Do you go out on dates, with each other's friends? That's enough for 6 months. I won't introduce anyone to family in the first year!

Vbxxx · 09/08/2018 09:54

We dont do anything dont go out or anything we dont live together see each other 1 once week if im lucky i dont want marriage and baby now just in the future the problem is he isn't clear on his feelings

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 09/08/2018 10:06

Well it sounds a bit crap to me. Why don’t you go out? Let me tell you that if you’re not out and about going on dates, having fun, maybe planning holidays at this stage of the relationship then it definitely isn’t going to improve the longer you’re with him. Unless you’re older than 35 stop thinking about him in terms of marriage and babies and start enjoying some stuff together - find out what makes him tick because to be honest he’s not sounding like a keeper to me.

dirtybadger · 09/08/2018 10:20

Why don't you go out? Why do you only see him once a week?

I see my DP once a week, Sometimes less, and it's been several years. But I work some weekends and have a busy life with volunteering and hobbies that get in the way. If you both have other things on, once a week is fine.

Why don't you go out together? No money? Or you have money and it seems like he just wants to have sex and be done with it?

I wouldn't worry about meeting family too much. I think it's pretty normal not to meet them for a year or maybe longer depending on circumstances. I wouldn't want to introduce a new boyfriend to family within that time frame personally.

Vbxxx · 09/08/2018 10:26

He works i work but he says hes too tired to meet me but then i found out hes went out with friends and hes never alone always friends coming around I've asked him to meet more but then he asks am i obsessed with him i dont feel happy at the moment

OP posts:
DPotter · 09/08/2018 10:40

Oh V - I'm sorry but I think it's run it's course from his point of view.

Think about it - after 6 months -you don't go out, you only see each other once a week, he's making excuses not to see you and still hanging out with his friends. I think he's very sure of his feelings.

I think you care for him, far more than he cares about you or will ever care for you. I know it's tough -time to let him go.

cheesefield · 09/08/2018 10:50

Sounds like he's just not that into you. Move on.

notthisagain83 · 09/08/2018 10:58

at 6 months you should be in the honeymoon period and be excited to see each other and to WANT to see each other. Sound like he cant be arsed unless on his terms.

I would check out and move on if im honest.

musicalxo · 09/08/2018 11:00

Sorry, it doesn't sound like he's taking any effort to see you or make this relationship move forward.

I would have one last talk with him and if he shows no effort to improve, I would dump him.

letsdolunch321 · 09/08/2018 11:01

Six months in, he is questioning why you want to see him more..... Do yourself a favour - get rid of him

lifebegins50 · 09/08/2018 11:08

Don't judge him on his words but his actions. He isn't investing time with you so that shows his focus is elsewhere.

How can you love him when you can't know him, especially not seeing him often and he hasn't always told you the truth.

Honestly finish this and move on, someone better for you is out there.

Anon90 · 09/08/2018 12:39

Him not knowing at six months isnt an issue as such. Six months isnt very long. You should only really just be coming out of some sort of honeymoon phase. Do you have sex every time on these weekly visits? If so is this mainly focussed on him getting off?
Id suspect he is using you for sex if so and just leave it.

Ive been seeing my bf for nearly a year. He cant even articulate the fact im his girlfriend in a normal way. Considering the absolute trainwrecks our lives have been over the last year, i understand it and i tend to judge him on his actions and behaviour rather than his words. He spends a lot of time with me and when hes lacking the capability to express his feelings verbally, he tends to make extra effort at the things he is good at.

We dont just have sex and the sex we do have is not focussed on him getting off and hes veery responsive to me emotionally that way too.

We both struggle a bit with going out and doing normal couple things at the moment. Hes also gone on a diet so i dont like reminding him of that by suggesting anywhere to eat incase as he can be really sensitive about his body when he doesnt feel right so i dont like reminding him.

But we have been looking into new hobbies and stuff to do. Which although we are both capable of doing these things alone, i see as investing time and money into experiences together.

Memories have always been a big thing for him. I dont think hed involve me in something he was serious about if he thought his memories of it would be tarnished, or that every time he looked at the equipment, clothes or went to it hed be reminded of me and any pain associated with me.

He has also made quite big changes in order to keep me in his life. One of them being that he removed two highly manipulative,abusive and controlling peoples power from them. Which was a massive step as hed never done anything about it before.

He works on his issues too and makes noticable improvements that he seems to sustain. Not just putting on an act and changing over night temoorarily and not being able to keep it up.

Not all relationships start out perfect, its normal to wonder where you stand if youre with someone who doesnt know themselves. People are rarely truely black and white. Its normal to struggle with that fact. But look at the bigger picture and youll find your answers.

Domino20 · 09/08/2018 12:55

Ummmm, it seems as if he is perfectly clear on his feelings. He's really only interested in a casual relationship. If that's not for you then move on.

Thingsdogetbetter · 09/08/2018 20:32

Bloody hell, no dates, no fun, no alone time except for sex, and only seeing you once a week. And you're obsessed for wanting more? This is not your boyfriend, this IS a bloke who's using you for sex. And unless the sex is out of this world, you are absolutely wasting your time here!! I've been with dh for 6 YEARS and he makes more effort on a Saturday than this guy has in the whole relationship! Move on! Fast!

yetmorecrap · 09/08/2018 22:02

Hate the expression but 'he's just not that into you'. Please find someone who is , you sound a lovely pe son.

PatriciaHolm · 09/08/2018 23:18

So roughly once a week he gets to have sex with you without effort.

He really doesn't care about you other than that.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread