I find myself having the same argument with my DH for the last 12-18 months. I don’t feel that I am getting out of the marriage what I put in, emotionally. It all started when the youngest child turned three and it was as if the fog had lifted. I suddenly snapped out of this robotic slave mode where caring after my baby/children/family was all I did/knew. And noticed that nobody looked after me. Indeed I am bound hand and foot by marriage, kids, giving giving giving ... and not getting much back.
I am an attractive woman in her thirties, I get noticed out and about. Men flirt with me/show appreciation. But within my own marriage I feel invisible. I have to specifically ask my DH if I look nice to which I get a non-descript grunt or a stock ‘oh yes, very nice’ without even looking.
DH very rarely pays me compliments or gives other positive affirmations. I so miss feeling desired, appreciated, admired as a person, as a woman. It feels like I am trapped and resigned to the life of boredom, invisibility and thanklessness. Is this what all LTR eventually turn into? Should I be grown up and just accept this is how it will be for the rest of my life?
Is it the stage in life called parenting where you come last, for 20 years? Does it get better eventually?
And how do you cope?
I have tried spelling it out to my H (on numerous occasions), he is apologetic and says he doesn’t mean not to notice me / give me little affection. But it soon returns to same old, treating me as a reliably functioning background appliance which does not require intervention. I am getting increasingly fed up. How do I turn this around, how do I start feeling appreciated and loved in my own marriage? Or how do I stop caring about it?