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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice for the newly separated?

3 replies

FitandMiss · 08/08/2018 22:09

I've gone and done it, after another rough patch and a week apart have told DH I don't want to be together anymore. Not a word of argument - he went straight to looking for a flat to rent.

I'm now a little freaked out, I am confident it's the right thing for us but reality is setting in. Seeing my ring finger naked for the first time in 15 yrs was really upsetting.

Can anyone give me a brief Separation for Dummies? What are the key things I/We need to do? I think we can be sensible and amicable about sorting things out like him seeing DD but are there any massively important things we should prioritise? I'm not feeling a need to rush to get divorced but is there anything from a legal perspective we need to think about?

Money is scaring me. I did some maths and I am pretty sure I can afford to stay put in our house with DD but will be looking at claiming in work benefits for the first time. I have no idea about whether I can only do that when he moves out or whether I can do it sooner so with time to process an application I would have less time to wait when he does go before getting any money. I couldn't see a clear answer on the .gov website so can anyone tell me?

All and any words of wisdom very welcome, thanks x

OP posts:
Stripeyzigzag · 08/08/2018 22:44

Watching with interest
What is the role of a solicitor in all this?

FitandMiss · 09/08/2018 15:17

I don't think we need a solicitor at this stage as we're being very sensible but later assume we would use one to formalise custody/access, divide assets and do the actual divorce.

Also wondering how to tell our (emotionally younger) 8 yr old. How have others broached telling kids?

OP posts:
Isadoratheexplorer · 09/08/2018 20:03

Hi Fitandmiss I'm in the same boat newly seperated but my husband has recently moved out!

Claim benefits straight away as they don't back date it and it took a month to sort mine out.

I let my husband take some furniture and toys for the kids so they would be settled but I don't anticipate that he will maintain good contact with them in the long run as I have always done everything.

Our daughter is 9 and we just explained that we were have a difficult time and are still friends but taking some time apart and we still do things as a family so she knows that we are not going to make it difficult for her with Christmas and birthdays etc! She has had a couple of melt downs but otherwise has adjusted really well! Good luck- it's hard but not as hard as staying in a relationship that makes you miserable x

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