Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is "you're looking healthy" a veiled insult?

17 replies

oxymomon · 08/08/2018 21:26

I have recently put on weight. I invited my parents in law round for dinner last week. My mother in law kept saying "you're looking healthy". I should say that she often insults me outright as she has never liked me (I try to be polite and swallow her insults). I can't help but think that her incessant repetition of the "you're looking healthy" chant was actually her way of telling me I'd put on weight. I do feel hurt and offended

OP posts:
Original poster
oxymomon · 08/08/2018 21:31

My husband and I have been together about 9 years. He doesn't like conflict so has never once stood up for me. Not when his friend was slagging my dad. Not when his mother was saying cruel and hurtful things to my face. Never. He will agree with everyone in order to avoid a fight. He'll tell me what I want to hear and he'll tell his family what they want to hear and his friends what they want to hear. He never stands up for me ever. What do I do?

OP posts:
IWantMyHatBack · 08/08/2018 21:32

I don't know, but that's how I tend to take it

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 08/08/2018 21:34

I dunno. I would say that yes, she's implying you've put on weight but that you're looking good for it. Were you very thin before? I'm a stone heavier than I'd want to be at 11st but I genuinely look ill at 10st.

I wouldn't be insulted by it.

Original poster
oxymomon · 08/08/2018 21:43

would you be insulted by it?

OP posts:
Original poster
oxymomon · 08/08/2018 21:44

I've never been too thin sadly. My bmi was 32. it's now 35...

OP posts:
Cherubfish · 08/08/2018 21:45

It might mean that in a passive aggressive way but I wouldn't be insulted. Who cares what she thinks!

MsOliphant · 08/08/2018 21:47

She can't mean 'healthy' then can she. Sorry OP.

Did you say anything in response to her?

Penfold007 · 08/08/2018 21:51

With a BMI of 35 she isn't being polite, sorry.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 08/08/2018 21:52

My weight is the first thing my MIL notices about me - whether I've lost or gained.

She's registered blind, would walk past me in the street but my god, nowt wrong with her sight when it comes to my weight or any new clothes I'm wearing! Grin

WhatToDoToday6 · 08/08/2018 22:01

Being completely honest, with a BMI of 35 it is unlikely she was being kind. It was a dig at you having put on weight. I don't know many people, in fact not anyone with a BMI over 30 who looks healthy...

Lynne1Cat · 08/08/2018 22:01

My late MIL was the same, but much more of a bitch. My husband never once stood up for me or said anything to her about the things she used to say. Over the years I managed to toughen up a bit and stand up for myself. That cheeky cow used to say things about my ability as a mother, my weight (I was 9st then), hair, make-up, everything.

Start by telling your MIL that her comments are hurtful. She may be such an insensitive twat that she doesn't think she's said anything wrong. OR simply tell her that she's looking tired/pale/ill/scraggy haha

Original poster
oxymomon · 08/08/2018 23:31

I got my bmi wrong. I thought 30 was normal, 25 is. So I was 27 and am now just over 30 bmi.

Either way, I think she was being a cow. I also think she was cunning enough to know id understand she meant I had put on weight but my husband and father in law would think she was being nice

OP posts:
Armchairanarchist · 09/08/2018 00:04

With a bmi of 30 she was being a goady shite. My MIL is very similar. She is overweight, I have a healthy bmi but she'll still make snarky remarks that go right over the head of DH. She is also the most sensitive person I know, finding offence in the slightest thing.

ForeverDreaming · 09/08/2018 00:13

Hello! I have a relative that says that to me EVERY time I see her. I am overweight most of the time (my weight fluctuates), so I take it as a veiled insult. It means to me "you are looking fat". My relative is thin and fit and has always been.

I have considered asking directly when she says that to me again, if she means that I have put on weight. But perhaps that will be rude and uncomfortable.

butterballs9 · 09/08/2018 00:22

Maybe you could say something like - being fat is something that can be changed, if one so wishes being a completely rude person is beyond unacceptable....I cant stand people who are rude...hold them to account.

People can loose weight - it they want - but it's more difficult to stop being a judgemental, opinionated, vulgar person. IMO.

HollowTalk · 09/08/2018 00:25

"Oh, so are you!"

SherbetSorbet · 09/08/2018 02:30

I think it was definitely a dig. Problem with people like that is they have had so many digs that eventually we analyze everything they say.

Just reply "why thank you for noticing MIL, I have never felt healthier" give her the biggest smile and swan off to put the kettle on, all the while mentally giving her the finger.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page