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[lovemybed]

will try and keep this sort, dh is in the forces we have been married for 6 years. for the last 5 years we have been posted in the same place but a few months ago dh was given a 2 year posting 300 miles away which is due to start in 2 weeks.

the posting is great for his career as he is getting promoted for it and should get another promotion not to long after as well.

when we first found out about this we sat down and talked about it and decided that i would stay where i am with kids ( 2 dds age 5&3) reasons are dd1 is quiet but has settled into p1 so well that i dont want to uproot her, dd2 is due to start nursery at the same school in aug, i would have to give up work and college which both mean so much to me and once i have finished college next spring i will be able to get a much better job and we can think about buying our 1st house. on top of all this we have great friends here and are close to family (not a luxury many forces familys have) we would also have to give up our lovely quarter that we have spend ages decorating only to move back to this area in 2 years time and possibly be given one of the "crap" houses.

when we first talked about this we were both in agreement about me staying here but now dh has had a change of heart, he thinks it would be better for us all to move as a family, i know he will miss us and we will miss him but he will be home every weekend, i dont think it will be a huge problem for me to cope mon-fri without him but im starting to worry about him, he was away from me and dd1 when she was 6 months old and he got really depressed about it, now i feel i am having to choose between whats right for me and my dd's and whats right for my dh.

sorry in my rush to write this before he gets in i have forgotten to give it a title

coul you suggest a 4 or 6 month trial and then you will reconsider options?

i had thought about a trial period but that means having to take dd1 out school and dd2 out nursery if he decideds he wants us there, at least if we all moved at the same time the girls would be starting new schools in the new school year and it might nt be as bad for them, i suppose its something we might have to comsider though

As your girls are so young I think they would benefit more from you all being together even though it will not be easy. Being together every day means more to them at this age than you think.

Sorry it's probably not what you want to hear. All you can do is talk to him and try and me open with each other. Have you got a web cam, how would he feel about reading them a story every night.

I wonder if he just missed you too much the last time you were apart, no one to talk to/confide in/be emotional with? Just lads and lads culture 5 days a week?

Would the DDs miss their dad lots? Maybe the effect of not having him around would be worse than having to resettle in a new school and move house? When we moved abroad DH left a over a month before me and DS, and DS (aged 2.10 at the time) turned in to a complete horror for the whole period. But then he was used to having dad around a lot during the day, so maybe it's different.

Difficult one about the studies though, with you being so close to finishing.

yeah they would miss him loads, and i would give up everything i have here in a second if i thought we could all move together and everything would be fine, but the kids have all there other family up here as well that they see every week, if we were to move that would change to every month/2 months.

its the fact that for the last few months we have been in total agreement about this then all of a sudden things have changed and im really not sure if one of us is being selfish about everything or if there is someway we could maybe work it out.

i have to add that my dh is so jealous/pooesive of me that it gets a bit to much for me at times, i wonder how much of this is him wanting to "keep a eye on me".

i only went back to work last year after being a sahm for 4 years and this has caused some problems between us, my dh liked it better when i was in the house with the kids and he knew all the groups etc i went to, now im working/studying i have a life outside the house and it seems to scare him.

hmm, not sure it should be you who has to consider the all the scrifices. Does he have to go? Could he put his career on hold until your course has finished?

is it possible that he has had time to reflect on it and is regretting the decision to be away from family for so long?

i suposse it could be, we have had a while to think about it because the date has been pushed back a couple of times.

its really not a ideal situation for any of us but i really thought we had it all worked out, the promotion really is to good to give up but i do feel that its me who has to give it all or nothing.

I think your children need the stability of staying where they are. Our Dad was in the forces and we only saw him at weekends for years but everything was okay. It sounds to me like the possessiveness issue needs to be addressed first. You could move with him and be uprooted again and again. I think your children need to come first. Could he apply for a posting closer to home?

no for the job he does it would have to be this place, im quessing at 300 miles, its 3 hours in the car so i suppose it might be a bit less than that, he would be home friday tea time and not leave until early monday morning so it would only be tues,wed, thurs that we wont see him at all.

If you both have different views, a trial period is the only solution. He may come round after a month or so. Also when he does get leave it will be more of a break for him to really get away from his place of work.