In laws reaction to emotional affair

[Chessergal]

Hi all. I would value perspectives on my in laws reaction to my husbands emotional affaor, which I found out about circa 2 months ago. I know my stance on them is overly angry, but I dont know how unreasonable it is...hence posting for opinions.

I found out about his emotional affair with work colleague 2 months ago and asked him to leave. He moved in with his parents and came back home a shirt while later as we have young kids and wanted to parent together whilst I tried to understand what had happened.

We live 5 mins away from his family. We are reasonably close and see them every 2 weeks or so. They are not overly involved with their grand kids but retired recently, so theyre enjoying their own time and have raised their own kids.

My in laws havent contacted me at all in the last 2 months. Nothing.

My husband said he told them everything and has taken accountability for it all. Despite turning out to be pinocchio, I believe that he has told them (and actually would have preferred they didn't know). However, they do know and they still havent been in touch to offer any support.

I feel rejected and as if they dont like me and dont support our marriage. Im raging about it, amongst many other things still raging about!!!

How unreasonable am I being? Happy to fill in any blanks people ask. As Im generally all over the place at the moment, this is one aspect of the nightmare I think others can provide perspective on and would appreciate it!

They maybe feel that they support your marriage best by keeping away and giving you both space. Most marriages aren't improved by extended family giving their opinions.
Is there practical stuff you want them to do that they aren't doing? What form do you want this support to take? They may be as unclear as I am about how you support someone else's marriage without being seen as interfering.
Have you stopped seeing them every 2 weeks like you used to when you say there hasn't been contact for 2 months? You could invite them over if you are missing them and want to see them again.
They maybe just feel awkward about it all and worried they'll say something wrong if they discuss your temporary separation.

are you sure he actually told them the truth though?

Or they may just be twats who support their regardless of what he does. This is just as possible as all the other scenarios you posted.

Perhaps, but I would think the OP would know if they are twats and wouldn't be surprised, in that case. Most people aren't twats. Even if their behaviour is hurtful. It's often that people aren't sure what to do for the best or think they are doing the right thing, but it's not.

ShumpaLumpa you seem really offended that people are coming with reasons the in-laws may not be being dickheads. Is that just because they are in laws?

I think YABU, it doesn't do to get involved.
I love my dil to bits and she knows this, but I would keep well away should the same happen.
If she approached me to discuss it or to gain support, then I would become involved through invitation.
I'd still be cautious because they could make it up and I could have said the wrong thing that was held against me in the future.

Approach them if you want them involved, don't if you don't.
Considering you'd prefer he hadn't told them, it sounds like they have the right attitude tbh.

ShumpaLumpa you seem really offended that people are coming with reasons the in-laws may not be being dickheads. Is that just because they are in laws?

By people do you mean just you? I've only posted one response on this thread!

What makes you think I'm offended? All I said was that it is just as possible that her in-laws are twats as the scenarios you posted.

Please don't make out that lots of people have posted reasons why the in-laws may not be dickheads and I have disagreed with them. That's a lie and frankly ridiculous.

And as people have posted up thread, in laws who perfectly lovely before can pull rank and support their child on these situations, regardless of who is actually at fault. That makes them twats in my eye. They have made OP feel like shit.

And I get on very well with my in laws. But I'm pragmatic enough to know that blood is thicker than water, sometimes unfairly so.

ShumpaLumpa point proved, so thanks for that. You are getting irate and so convinced these people you don't know have to be acting that way out of nastiness. No not everyone has said they may not be twats but lots have.

You seem to want to lay the blame at the in-laws door. And really don't like me having another perspective.

Fwiw, the in-laws didn't make the OP feel like shit. Her cheating husband did.

I think this is a situation where the in-laws can;t win. They either interfere or don;t show enough interest. It's highly unlikely they've heard the whole story and certainly not from your point of view. It would be nice if they checked with you, but that would mean not trusting their son, which would be hard for any parent.

It really isn't them you shoudl be cross with, but if you previously had a good relationship with them and there is practical help you'd like them to give, you could contact them? They probably feel like their world is ending too.

Thats your definition of irate must be very different to mine.

I said to you that they 'may just be twats' which seemed to offend you for some reason. You seem to think that because I said this it mean I don't like you having your peapecrive. But all I did was offer another possible reason for their behaviour.

Then you said that I was offended by everyone saying in-laws are not dickheads even though I had only only responded to your post. It's interesting that you don't want to acknowledge that.