Favouritism

[PeachyKeenJellymonster]

My mum and brother seem to be causing some issues with my two children.
They were always concerned that my eldest (9) would feel left out when I had my second so made a huge effort with her.
The children have different dads but my husband parents treat my children equally. My eldest has nothing to do with the paternal side.
Recently it's becoming obvious that my youngest (who is now four) is being affected by the way she is treated.
The eldest gets picked up by my mum for sleep overs, day trips out or treats with my brother. My youngest does not. Recently she came to collect my eldest and said to youngest "would you like to come?" Youngest jumped up delighted... to my horror my mum then said "oh I was only joking" who the hell does that! She is only little but the rejection was clear.

Now I adore my family but I'm starting to really see how this will damage my children both of them.

I want to address this without causing any upset or offence but to try and include the little one.

Any tips on how to do this? Am I just over reacting?

Recently she came to collect my eldest and said to youngest "would you like to come?" Youngest jumped up delighted... to my horror my mum then said "oh I was only joking" who the hell does that!

omg she really said that?? That's so cruel, I would have told her neither of them were going with her and took them both out myself

That's disgusting behaviour.

And there is no diplomatic way of saying it. Get them told and bluntly.

You're not over reacting. Why didn't you say something when she pulled the "Just joking" stunt?

You can't broach this topic without causing upset and offense.

Playing devil's advocate here but I'm assuming that your mum is making up for child 1's Dad not living with her. Plus older kids are easier than younger ones.

Unfortunately you need to say both /none. Imo it's damaging to sibling relationships to be favoured /left behind.
My dm always preferred dd. Told her straight.

The comment she made was awful. I would have addressed that straight away there and then. Maybe they do things with the older child as she is older and a bit 'easier'. I have a big age gap with my two and my mom and brother will take the eldest out places. Now your youngest is 4 she is getting to the age where I would say she could join in though

What was your own relationship like with your mother and brother when growing up?. Was he more favoured than you as well as this time?. I ask as this may be a repetition of what happened back then.

Such favouritism that your mother shows will also markedly harm the relationship between your children as siblings so your mother only taking your eldest out at the expense of your youngest will now have to stop.

Addressing this with your mother no matter how nicely, calmly or carefully worded will not go down well because of your mother's innate favouritism.

I think when she said it I was to shocked and trying to console my youngest.

She was never like this towards me as a child but perhaps my brother... always made it known he wasn't a easy child.

Sorry for not individually responding thank you for your replies