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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you bring up a decent man?

6 replies

BloodyDisgrace · 08/08/2018 13:35

My question is for mothers of sons (not out of "blame the mother" thinking, but because it's the women who suffer most from shitty boyfriends, and it is in our interests as well to learn from the previous generation's parenting mistakes and avoid them).

So how do you bring up your son to be a decent man, affectionate and loyal husband and father? And NOT the kind who'd have an affair when his gf/wife is pregnant/just give birth? Not the kind who'll refuse to leave the marital home and, in his wife's presence, get ready to see his lover? Not the kind who'll sleep around and refuse to use a condom? Not the one who'll separate from the wife and get his new gf pregnant, so the court will rule in favour of the unborn child and leave the wife with nothing? Not the kind who doesn't do any house chores yet rejects the idea of a cleaner? and so on.

I've read so many such stories here and thought "These men are someone's sons - what went wrong in their upbringing?" I put it in the Relationship topic, rather than Parenting, as it's more about how we as women address the gender problems when it comes to the new generation of men.

OP posts:
BloodyDisgrace · 08/08/2018 13:37

sorry, meant "just given birth".

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 13:48

Lead by example imo, show them what a strong capable woman is and show them that you're your DHs (If you have ones) equal in all things

AgentProvocateur · 08/08/2018 13:53

Mine have grown up to be decent, respectful men who believe in equality because they saw their dad modelling this behaviour. We both worked and shared the childcare and housework, and they saw us treat each other with respect.

I realise how smug that sounds, and I’m sorry. We got plenty of things wrong, but we put on a united front in front of the children and tried to be good role models.

Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 13:56

Mine have grown up to be decent, respectful men who believe in equality because they saw their dad modelling this behaviour. We both worked and shared the childcare and housework, and they saw us treat each other with respect.

I realise how smug that sounds, and I’m sorry. We got plenty of things wrong, but we put on a united front in front of the children and tried to be good role models.

It's a sad world we're living in where you have to say that it sounds smug to have a partner (clue is in the name) who acts like a partner! I totally agree though and thankfully I have an actual partner aswell. So yeah, absolutely lead by example and actions most definitely speak louder than words

LizzieSiddal · 08/08/2018 14:00

I don't have sons, but my DH is a lovely, 'decent' man. I think kindness, in both sexes is the most important attribute. A person who is kind, always thinks about others, shares, and doesn't want to say or do anything nasty, or to hurt anyone.

SO I would say kindness is the most important thing to teach a child.

upsideup · 08/08/2018 14:05

Give them decent fathers.

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