Is it my fault dd not invited to party?

[Stripybeachbag]

One of dd's close friend's just had her 6th birthday party. All the girls in their group were invited except dd. Dd was upset as the girl made a fuss about handing out the invites.

The are 4 of them in this group. Girl A is the ringleader and can be a bully. She has been mean to dd on several occasions and I spoke to the before and after school care (where these girls mostly hang out). Other parents also had made complaints and the after school care acted on it by bringing in the mother. All has settled with girl A and the girls all play nicely. But girl B (birthday girl)'s mother is very good friends with girl A's mother and has been stand offish and really quite rude to me since then.

Did she decide not the invite dd to her daughter's party to get back at me in some way? Or is girl B excluding dd from the friendship group? Either are unpleasant.

Dh thinks I am being silly that there is probably a reasonable explanation. But loads of girls where invited. Is seems odd to leave out one of her best friends because of numbers (dh's theory).

I feel really upset actually. I had an unpleasant incidence in which one of the mums in dd's new class was horrible to me. The bullying/friendship issues with dd and now this. Dh thinks am I making a mountain out of a mole hill, but it makes me sad.

Why do you want her to be friends with girls that are not kind to her?
Your husband is right imo. If your dd sees you are upset, she will be more upset. If it was done as a dig, then it has worked. Rise above it.

Sorry to hear you are upset, something like this would really upset me too, even as adults haha girls can be really horrible but as the other poster said try to rise above it x

There's no doubt that many mothers will use parties, sleepovers etc. as an extension of their own social lives, inviting their chums' children, and excluding those of anyone they have an issue with, especially when children are this age. When they are older, children are more likely to insist on inviting who they want, and not be so tolerant of the children of the mother's best friends.

best y

Don't know how the stray 'best y' got there!

I was thinking today about how in adult life there are some unpleasant characters and hard as it is it all starts young. Nasty people are best avoided, as another poster has suggested. Take heart in that your dd is learning to sharpen her skills of judgement and when she makes adult friends she will choose stable and pleasant people. I think with these things just as in adult life you have to shrug your shoulders and move on. Find new friends and ones with compassion.

Thanks for listening. I am rising above it (ignoring it!). I would love for dd to become friends with other kids, but it is up to her and like violetfeather says it will help her in the long term.

It is sad as her friends last year and the parents were lovely. Also it is a bit of a shock for me. I have got to that point in my life where I have great work colleagues, have chosen good friends and have a nice family. Now I am back to the nastiness of mean girls (both for me and dd) that I thought I had long left behind.

I had a few problems with my Daughter when she first started school with her being bubbly, loud and a tiny bit "In your Face", I got called in and had to attend a meeting along with another mum. These quieter girls made my little one feel not wanted and singled out after the meeting and she was quiet embarrassed. I found that really upsetting for myself to see her colorful character squashed.
she has since found completely new friends in her school and although she is very civil, she doesn't chose to play with these particular girls. She has moved onto her new group of friends who equally give her a run for her money and they all adore each other.
I think that young children will always have a few hiccups in the beginning until they find their feet, and I do think that some Parents at the School gate can also make situations a lot worse than needed.
I hope your DD is okay and that you find peace of mind soon!