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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help with anxiety issue

3 replies

Pantana90 · 07/08/2018 16:08

I'll try not to be too long-winded but I might need to be in parts.
Basically, I have a history of anxiety and being unsure of everything. Growing up, I was constatly worried about my younger brother who has grown up with an illness, and when I was 11 my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. They were both sources of great worry for me.

Usually, I can handle everything because I'm "used" to being worried. However, when I get really bad, it manifests itself in not being able to, or at least struggling, to sleep. Over four years ago, I got very stressed and was struggling badly to sleep. I was in a very happy five-year relationship and my anxiety was affecting this. But I got through it, and all of a sudden, I was dumped completely out of the blue. To say I was crushed is an understatement.
Eight months later, my mum died after battling cancer for 14 years. In the year or so after this, I simply moved from fling to fling - only after sex. I then met what is now my current girlfriend. She said she wanted just a casual relationship at the start and I was very happy with this. However, it became clear she was developing feelings, but I was still in 'single mode' mindset.

I did like her, but after a while I broke it off because I wasn't ready for a relationship. After I did this, I more or less immediately regretted it because she's such a good person who didn't deserve it. I asked her for another chance, and thankfully, she gave me it. We've been together ever since.
However, as throughout my life, I always question everything. Do I love her? Do I love her enough? What if I'm only convincing or tricking myself? A million negative thoughts. They popped up from time-to-time with my ex, and were a source of anxiety. But I could usually let them slide off and not bother me too much.
Even though I question my love intermittently, for a long time now I've been feeling so good about the relationship. I know I love her, even though it feels a bit different than my first girlfriend. I was told love never feels the same. I've never been happier than I have been lately and she's the greatest woman, aside from my mum, that I've ever known. I've even thought about asking her to marry me.

We're even expecting a child, which although is a bit scary, I was very excited about. She is an absolute star but I suddenly starting feeling empty and said to myself "if you truly love someone, you wouldn't be questioning it" and I've been beating myself up. When I have bad thoughts, I feel like I won't sleep, so when I get to bed I struggle. It's like a domino effect. Life has been stressful later, my dad had a life-saving operation two months ago, which I handled well.

But how could I be so happy and excited, now I feel like I'm at rock bottom? It's shaken my world. Everything I was looking forward to, even just a week or two ago, I feel "meh" about.
What do I need to do? have I just let myself get worked up and over-reacted? Would taking anti-anxiety meds help? I could go into a lot more detail, but that's the jist.

OP posts:
Tryingagain1 · 07/08/2018 16:42

I think you should chat to your GP about medication and any other treatments that may help you. Whilst I really sympathise with your anxiety, your partner must also find this hard and if she's expecting a baby she deserves the best you can give.

You're happy with her, I know it's easy to say but try not to overthink it. All relationships have ups and downs and it sounds like you're in a good one and you've said she's a really good person Smile

Pantana90 · 07/08/2018 16:44

I should note, everything I have said in the post, I have told my partner. I'm alway honest about everything. She wants to help me.

OP posts:
Domino20 · 07/08/2018 20:03

You are clearly inclined to over think things and it really seems to be getting in the way of you experiencing happiness and joy in the moment. Have you tried talking therapies for learning ways to interrupt your negative thoughts? Or mindfulness to help you live in the moment and relieve insomnia? My absolute advice would be to never ever make important decisions in haste. RELAX. I feel for you, insomnia is a bitch. All the best.

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