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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on a breakup please :(

5 replies

lookingforhelp1000 · 07/08/2018 14:23

Hi, i was with my partner for 6 years and he recently told me he'd been having thoughts about if we were happy together or if it was a routine. We tried to speak about things and agreed to give each other space.
3 weeks later he still feels the same way. He says he loves me and he cares about me just the same, and he's still attracted to me but he feels like he's never been able to just "be himself". Every time i try to get an answer out of him what he wants he says he doesnt know what he wants and that his head is messed up.
He thinks he wont ever be able to make me happy because i deserve "better" but then he's says things such as "theres nothing stopping us coming back together in the future". He's 25 years old and has been taking steroids & recently come off them. He has admitted that he thinks they may have something to do with how he's feeling and all the timings add up. He said he felt fine about us before the side effects of the steroids He said they've really messed with his head. He keeps giving me mixed signals, its like he doesn't want me but doesnt want to leave me either.
Last night i told him i couldn't wait anymore and i couldn't keep living my life like this and that i needed to cut all contact with him, he suggested time apart and i said no, if we are splitting up we are doing it properly. He was very upset on the phone as was i. We haven't spoken since. I'm not dealing with it very well, finding it all really hard. I feel like i've only cut ties in hope that he will realise and come back. Has anyone been through anything similar that can give me some advice?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2018 14:32

You are doing the right thing.
Don't back down now.
He's messing with you majorly here and it's not fair.
Time to end it properly and move on.
You are so so young.
You've had all the red flags you need now.
There is no future here.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/08/2018 14:57

It's literally the next day - no wonder you're still upset. Don't be so hard on yourself. I also think you have done the right thing - you took control of the situation, while he's chopping and changing and leading you a right merry dance.

Arrange a night out (or in) with some girlfriends?

Can I ask why he is on steroids? Just curious.

You WILL feel better. I promise. Flowers

Changedname220 · 07/08/2018 15:00

Had this with my soonto be ex husband. All the let’s see what happens. Who knows what the future holds. Nothing is stopping us getting back together down the line. That was 4 months ago. Within weeks he was on dating sites whilst saying all that to me. I am now divorcing (lots of other reasons) but this was the last straw. Trying to keep his foot in the door whilst exploring what else life has to offer. Don’t think so
Not on my watch

lookingforhelp1000 · 07/08/2018 15:13

@hellsbellsmelons - sadly i agree with everything you have said. its just very hard to accept.

@greenfingerswouldbehandy - he went on steroids to get in shape, he had a massive body transformation in a really short time which also probably hasnt helped - feeding his ego??

@changedname220 - sorry to hear you are going through a divorce. Our situations sound simialr, its as if they want to see whats out there but know they can come back if they dont like it.

OP posts:
HollyGibney · 07/08/2018 15:15

Its highly likely he's met someone else. I'd block him everywhere and just try to get on with things. Easier said than done though sadly.

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