Pregnant relationship breakdown

[Emmab91]

Hi I don’t really know where to start my story is quite long. Me and my partner well I’m not sure if that’s what he is now. We have been going through problems since the start of our relationship. I have a son who’s 6 from a previous relationship soon to be 7 and a daughter on the way with my partner now, I am 7 month pregnant. In a time where it’s supposed to be joyous has been filled with tears and arguments. I don’t know how to cope with it all! I feel I put up with so much crap trying to keep him happy because the thought of being pregnant alone having another child and doing it myself especially both during and after the birth seems so terrible. I wish I could be strong but I’m struggling now. I think I know deep down we have had to many problems and he can just never see when he is wrong. I know my family don’t like him he makes no effort with them and my son the bare minimum. It’s just sad all i have ever wanted was a family unit and it’s just broken and I keep trying to fix it. Letting things slide how he treats me, the way he speaks to me. So many special moments have been spoiled already with this baby the gender reveal the disappointment on his face because it was a girl I was so excited but he wasn’t it was turned bitter with no joy back. When it came to going to the 4d scan he said afterward he would have rathered been doing something else with his Friday night and my baby shower I asked for his help with the presents home it was turned into a massive deal to help me where I didn’t want his help anymore. I feel I have to tip toe around him all the time. I don’t think he likes any of my family or friends and there not the problem. Arrrrr I could go on and on about the negatives of this relationship all this and I still want it to work silly me. How do I help myself. I just want to be happy and enjoy the maybe 9 weeks I have left of this pregnancy the stress is horrible 😔.

To be honest, I don’t know any man who would enjoy a baby shower, but being disappointed about gender is weird unless he is from a culture where having a boy is all important - and even then it’s a rotten reaction.
If you think your relationship is failing, start making back-up plans so you know how to handle things and are calm.
Do you have a back-up plan for getting to hospital, and who will be your birth partner?
Is your home yours or his? Could you go back to your family?
I know they are horrible things to plan for, but once you have a plan B clear, you will at least have less to worry about.

Hi Op I understand exactly how you feel! I put up with sooo much rubbish off the father of my first child it was unbelievable! I too wanted the perfect family unit & dreaded being a single mother. But getting my head round not being that family unit was the hardest thing of all. I felt I had failed DS!

But things came to a head & I couldn't go on in a relationship that was effecting my son. My ex partner spoilt Christmases & birthdays & it just wasn't fair on DS.

After the end of the relationship it was hard to start with but It meant I bonded even more with my son. We enjoyed the time just the 2 of us. Everything I was dreading about being a single parent was mainly in my head.

I'm now married to a wonderful husband & we have another DS together also.
I won't pretend it's easy but maybe something better is round the corner for you also!

And just think this man has ruined your pregnancy and made you miserable. Do you really want to allow him to ruin the first few weeks you get to spend with your beautiful bundle when she arrives?

Yeah he wasn't at the shower I had just asked for his help to take the gifts home and he made it big deal saying he had to wait about all day I was planning/spoiling his weekend. I asked him over a week ago I just didn't see it was a big deal he had me in tears before I even got in my baby shower it just tainted the day where I would have loved to have got home with him and opened all the lovely gifts for our daughter this was Sunday and there all just sitting there still 😔. I don't have any plan b the now Iv just been in my bed crying. He was staying with me and my son so he has been at his mums house since Sunday his things are all still here though. Will be gutting him coming to collect them.

Thank you both for your reply's it's nice to talk to someone. I just want it to work so bad I don't want to be alone in all of this I guess. I know he isn't any good and feeling constantly unsure of his moods is no way to live. I told him iv been barely sleeping or eating and he just doesn't seem to care. I feel like I'm trying to get through to a brick wall. Do I just give it up? Concentrate on my son and the baby or give it even more energy trying to fix something that's so broke or someone who's not going to change all because I don't want to be pregnant alone and have a young baby to care for myself. Just so much un necessary stress I don't want, who would.

I can under that you are frightened of being in your own. But you can’t fix this, only make yourself ill with stress. You need to eat and sleep, you are carrying a baby.
You have friends and family, you won’t be alone.
He is making it clear by his actions that he doesn’t want to be a part of this family. You need to think about your ds and your new baby. They deserve to be loved unconditionally and treated well. Do think he will do this? It’ll have lasting repercussions on them if you keep fighting to stay with this man. Your daughter will feel like she is worth less because she isn’t a boy. And your son won’t be made to feel a part of his own family.
Be strong and let him walk away

The problem is what you want and what you have are two different things and the reason why you are seven months pregnant with a waste of space, is because of your refusal to accept the difference.

It’s time to accept the reality of your situation and invest your time and energies where you, your son and your unborn child will get the most benefit. This was and never will be, the man to hang your ‘happy ever after’ hopes on.

Thank you so much! I do have a great family and friends. I know they are all worried. I feel you said that spot on. I would have loved nothing more than for him to have loved my son like his own. I worried about him feeling pushed out and my mum has even expressed her concern over his lack of interest with my ds. It's the last thing I want him to feel he is such an amazing little boy who deserves the best and my daughter on the way. It's just all a bit of a mess right now. I can't help but feel down about. I wished I had listened to my family and friend s

Before. But I wouldn't have my lovely daughter growing inside me that I am so willing to meet!

You do need to ask yourself why you prioritised that selfish waste of space over your son’s emotional well-being? Something is very wrong when the pursuit for the ‘happy ever after’ comes at the expense of your child.

It sounds like you're trying to force things, stop. All this upset isn't good for you or your children. You can't tiptoe around someone just because you don't want to be a single parent. It's hard to be on your own but it's also hard to be with someone who doesn't even try to make you happy.

It's hard being so caught up in all this mess and being pregnant it's worse. With my sons dad we stayed together for 5 years because I thought it was the right thing to do. He was an alcoholic and when I left him me and my son were a lot happier. I came from a broken home my mum did just fine but it wasn't what I wanted for my kids that's why I tried so hard and that's why I have hung on to a another relationship that has been broken for so long.

It takes 2 to make a relationship work, it seems to me that you're the only 1 trying. You can't make it work if he isn't trying as well!

I had this all through my pregnancy too. All nice occasions and days out were always spoiled by him. A year down the line we arnt together anymore. With a baby on top of it all, things will only get worse. In my experience anyway