I know I need to break up, but how?

[oreoxoreo]

Been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is loving, caring, affectionate, social, popular, desirable and intense, tolerant and accepting, and we have had great time together (including my 2 DC from my ex-marriage). He is diligently in touch with me every day, we have the keys to each others houses, we meet up / stay over several times a week, met his parents, friends, photos of us on his fb, he is open to me.

However I've learnt over time that he is a lying bullshitter, just talks what people like to hear, twists the truth, bullshits, white lies, blagging and more, never admits wrong and everything is somebody else's fault. He's ruined his ex'es life (still keeps doing it), his DC and close friends lost respect for him and don't want to see him anymore, he is known to take advantage of his friends. I think he also gaslighted me when I legitimately questioned my trust in him, I had a reason but he dismissed it saying it is all my problem and he's done nothing wrong. I've never found hard evidence of physical cheating and I have accepted his flirty nature but I've been pushed to my boundaries and he hasn't made it any easier for me. I've made myself to question my own sanity, my gut feeling says he is probably a cheating lying asshole but I might never be able to find the truth. So I keep living in this safe bubble where I am being taken care of and feel protected.

I know I need to break through and get out. The problem we have plans. Holidays, going to meet my parents (abroad), my birthday party soon. I don't know if there is ever a good time. I don't know how to make myself prepared for it. I was hoping it will fade out naturally and as soon as I am done losing my respect for him, it will be easier to get out. But that time hasn't come because of how he treats me and my DC. Help.

Holiday, seeing your parents and your birthday party will all be much better if they aren't clouded with suspicion and lack of trust.

None of those things are a reason to stay in a relationship that you are unhappy with.

Just tell him that you no longer want to be in a relationship with him. There are no magic words that anyone can give you to make it go well.

Do you know what, I find stories like this far more in need of a "LTB" than some of your more tangible misdemeanors. A liar is a dangerous thing. A charming liar, so much more so.

You're right, there's never a good time. But also with break-ups they don't always get the job done the first time, so I think you should bite the bullet and get the ball rolling with a break-up. Knowing how these things pan out there will likely be a back and forth, a bit of doubting yourself, him explaining himself, some attempts at reparations, more clarity on your part that this is definitely the right thing to do... and in that time you will undoubtedly have circumnavigated all these upcoming events and plans without really even having to think about it.

I totally believe you're doing the right thing to call this off. Seriously, just make the first move. Have the confidence in yourself that you will be able to work out all the subsequent moves accordingly.

Good luck!

Rip the plaster off!

What LEM said

Tell him you are visiting your dps alone. Change the locks before you go. And that when you return you won't be in a relationship with him anymore.

Thank you. It is strange. I've no problem cutting off with people in the past. My boyfriend is charming... and I can't say I don't want to be in the relationship anymore. I want. But I feel it is based on lies and he is not the person that he presents himself to be. A charming liar... Holiday is in few days (paid for), my parents in 2 weeks (flights paid for) and birthday party in one month. I am trying to find the strength.. feels too soon. It almost feels, can I have one more day/week with him and then I will break off. I know this relationship is toxic.

Oh Op, am in a similar scenario to you from the outside. It’s the same gut reaction I have towards my OH and yet I keep procrastinating.
I believe it will be empowering when I finally do it. Don’t know what I’m waiting for tbh, fear I suppose of being alone again. It’s shite

A liar is a dangerous thing, and a good one - one who looks to all intents and purposes like a great man, a great partner, a great dad - are the most dangerous of all. You literally would have no idea if he had a whole double life. I'm not saying he does, but anyone who can lie so frequently and without introspection is capable of a lot. You'll have to take my word for it on this one.

An ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie.

Your good-looking relationship sounds like a beautiful lie. If it isn't now, it certainly has the potential to be.

Do you really want to introduce a liar to your parents? Better they never meet him.