Would you have done anything differently?

[Stranged]

This is going to sound a bit strange I think but I’m genuinely puzzled and would be glad to hear how others would have reacted.

I’ve been seeing someone for nearly a year, we get on well, all is good. A couple of weeks ago, early evening, we went for a lovely walk in a beautiful but isolated spot.

About half an hour in to the walk he suddenly stopped and doubled over in pain from stomach cramps. I was very sympathetic and said I’d walk on and give him some privacy, which I did. When we met up again, I asked him if he was ok, was there anything I could do, did he want to go home etc. All was fine though and we finished the walk and had a nice evening.

Since then he keeps saying how he can’t believe how I reacted, how amazing I am, how he thought I’d make us go straight home, how his ex would have been disgusted etc!

Surely I just did what most of us would do? Well - apart from his ex evidently. He really seems to see this as extraordinary behaviour on my part.

My ex sounds like his ex! He would go into panic mode and start saying things like ‘oh god don’t do this to me’ which doesn’t exactly help the situation. My partner now is lovely and sympathetic (like it sounds like you were) and I think he’s equally bemused by my gratitude at that as, like you, he just thinks of his response as the only normal reaction. You’re both good people!

It sounds like he is very easily pleased to be honest. I take it he had to have a poo in the wild, if you need to go you need to go.

Anything embarrassing like this is a good indicator of staying power within your relationship - tho the disgust can sometimes come later, I would probably find this quite grim in my DH did it now! Sympathy also wavers; he got stung by a wasp and I laughed! Enjoy the romance whilst you can!

Thanks for the replies. Good point about maybe not being so tolerant if we’d been married 10 years! Towards the end of my marriage all ex-dh had to do was breathe and I’d be rolling my eyes!

Seriously though, how else do you react when someone is in pain and in a compromising position.

Yeah, doesn’t sound like you went above and beyond tbh!

I would have thought it was the least you could do, but I guess if his previous relationship had gone sour (or if his ex was always unsupportive) and he isn’t used to anyone caring it must be nice to have someone now who gives a shit!

FWIW I always expect my DP to get cross if I forget something or make us late etc as my ex would have made me feel stupid and annoying, but DP calmly turns around and goes back to get it, saying don’t worry, it’s fine. It’s been 6 years and it still takes a moment for me to realise it’s ok!!

Just be a bit wary of him being too reliant on you for his self esteem - I had a friend like this once, she’d be really OTT grateful whenever I did anything vaguely thoughtful, (like say I was going to the shop did she need anything). It got a bit uncomfortable if I’m honest!

His gratefulness seems extreme though there may be experiences in his past where he wasn't cared for so your reaction might have come across as unusually thoughtful. But I think you're quite right thinking that any friend or loved one would behave as you did.

Once years ago my H had food poising after eating street food in Amsterdam. We were in a bar and he was suddenly extremely ill, vomiting all over the floor then in the loo pouring out both ends while I mopped up. We were both glad I was there to look after him and get us both safely back to the hotel but other than that it's forgotten.

He doesn’t say an awful lot about his ex although he has said that they weren’t happy for a long time before they finally parted. It just made me a bit sad that he was so surprised by what I saw as perfectly normal behaviour.

I don’t think his self-esteem is generally low but I guess this incident was embarrassing for him and he felt uncertain.

Thanks for the replies.