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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help for friend

3 replies

Pagan · 18/08/2004 09:45

I left a previous thread but can't find it now ..... quick update

My best pal since we were at school lives quite a way from me. Since she came back from her big trip (about 5 years ago) she has been working in an industry which seemed to consume her. She would hardly call anymore, things were an effort, she put on lots of weight, got depressed about it etc.etc. Anyway, she has finally given up this career to go back to Uni and I know its for the best ..... at least I'd hoped so but I'm now thinking there maybe some other underlying problem which she herself has alluded to but doesn't seem to know what it is.

This is basically that she is just not a happy person and she doesn't know why. She did used to do lots of things and I think where she lives is limiting in that sense but instead of filling her spare time with other interests she has let her work take over. I spoke to her yesterday on the phone - her first big day off until starting Uni and she just sounded so miserable. She'd just vegged out in front of the TV after doing her back in trying to move something so was feeling very sorry for herself.

I soooo want her to be her old happy self again, it's like watching someone with a disease and you don't know how to help. I'm hoping that once Uni starts, she'll take an interest in life again but she seems to be so negative about it and rather than looking forward, keeps putting negative 'but what ifs' in the way.

I was wondering if some sort of counselling would help her focus on herself and what is triggering her negativity (but also scared to broach the subject). Wish she still lived nearer as I'm sure a lot of things can be helped just by meeting up more often for girlie natters. (We used to do this once a week and solve the problems of the world)

OP posts:
wild · 18/08/2004 11:30

She is lucky to have a friend like you! I would imagine that when she starts Uni things will look up. But it is a big change in her life and at the moment must seem daunting, as well as exciting, hence the self-defensive negativity. There is only a short while to go and then her life should expand again. If not, then it looks like there may be a real problem and counselling could help. Most uni's have excellent student support systems and could offer counselling as part of this. But hopefully she won't need it. It is disappointing when your best and oldest friends no longer live nearby. Your friendship sounds the kind where you can pick things up as the opporutnity arisess. I have good friend a way away and with children etc it is difficult to meet more than very infrequently but always find it reaffirming. Maybe you can plan a trip to see her at Uni?
Good luck to both of you

Pagan · 19/08/2004 13:44

Thanks Wild. I could never not be there for her and we can usually pick up from where we left off. I will try to visit her whenever possible

OP posts:
wild · 19/08/2004 13:53

Hope it works out for her

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