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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it time to take a break?

13 replies

Sally1993 · 06/08/2018 21:55

My husband and I argue a lot, however I feel tonight's episode is way over stepping the mark.... As he refuses to talk about this sort of thing, do people think taking 'a relationship break/ holiday' is a good way to make DH consider his behaviour? Although unfortunately I don't think it will phase him as he's already said, there's the door leave, but I will fight to keep our child seeing as you earn nothing.

Can people suggest what they would do if the following happened? Little one is nearly two.

  • message appears on my mobile phone
  • we both read it's from the new tenant at the house we've just moved from, who I know, just asking where the gas meter is. DH says oh just tell her to ask the landlord, although as I told is my phone as a message to me I want to politely tell her it's outside the house.
  • battle over the phone ensuses, because he wants to write a rude reply, ends up that DH cracks the phone screen, which I'll have to get repaired
  • I send the message I want to send
  • DH settles toddler
  • I go up to check on them, and just to annoy me, he's decided to climb into the cot, yes you've read that correctly, and DD is amused but not sleeping, DH has decided he will sleep there until she's asleep or stay there if he feels like it.
. I am annoyed, saying can you please get out, picking little one out, he refuses, I sit her down with a bottle on our bed, he doesn't climb out for ages, I literally have to try and pull him out, doesn't work. When he is out he starts shouting, so little one obviously doesn't like that, I am trying to keep her calm, he's just like, go on, put her in the bed then, now, just do it. Thank fully she was tired enough to be put straight back in. If she had been crying he wouldn't have let me take her back out and comfort her....

Now I am downstairs writing this on the sofa, thinking should I even publish this, but what should I do, I surely can't ignore this behaviour, he would leave me instantly without a doubt if I told anyone..... or if I was writing this it would be game over. Is the answer a relationship break? Don't want to leave completely because it does work fine when we are not arguing,, but this is just not ok to behave like this. He doesn't care if he breaks my things, iPad, phone, throw my bag out the door. I sometimes over react and say mean things but I do not break his things or climb into little ones bed!! Also he refuses to see relationship councillor....

OP posts:
binkyblinky · 06/08/2018 21:57

He sounds horrible- this is emotional abuse! Please get out!

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/08/2018 21:58

Leave him. He won’t get full custody of your child.

He’s just a prick, an abusive prick. You’d be a fool to stay with him.

twilightsaga · 06/08/2018 22:03

It is abusive behaviour. Breaking your things. Threatening to take custody of the children. Why would he want to send a rude message back to someone who's just asked a general question. Such unnecessary mean behaviour. He sounds childish and as I said very abusive. It may be ok some of the time but things like this are not ok

BitchQueen90 · 06/08/2018 22:15

Leave him. He's abusive. In normal relationships men don't break their partners things and speak to them like crap. If he refuses to go to counselling why do you think a "break" would suddenly make him see the error of his ways? He doesn't care about your feelings and he's shown it.

And men like him always say they will fight for custody of the child, when it comes to it they actually won't bother, they just say it to try and emotionally blackmail you. And even if he did he wouldn't get it, the fact that you don't earn anything is irrelevant. I didn't have a job when I left my husband, that's what the benefits system is there for in times of need.

ivykaty44 · 06/08/2018 22:37

I don’t see how you can continue a relationship with a child man like this

How can you even have sex with him.. sorry but this child like behaviours would ruin it all for me

Stop though being the “parent”

wheresthehope · 06/08/2018 23:35

Yea simple...I agree with other posters! LEAVE!!!!

PickAChew · 06/08/2018 23:38

He's a violent arsehole. That break needs to be for the rest of your life. He won't bother to fight you for your dc because childcare and parenting.

Mrskeats · 06/08/2018 23:39

I had this with a previous partner. It’s emotional abuse and it wears you down.
Get rid of him, best thing I ever did.

TeacupTattoo · 07/08/2018 05:59

Please contact Women's Aid immediately. They will help you. So what if you have no money, you are entitled to benefits and are your child's primary care-giver...get help to get away from such a vile man. He does not love you or care for your child, actions are much louder than words. Women's Aid are very helpful, truly. You know this is not how you have to live. Good luck.

callkiki · 07/08/2018 06:34

It works fine as long as you are willing to be in an abusive relationship.

He's already got you worried that he will leave you without hesitation if you don't do as he orders. He broke your phone because you disobey his wishes. I have no words for the immature insane climbing into a crib???? WTF is that?

He's already told you where the door is and is threatening to keep you from seeing your own child.

Since he's told you to use the door, use it!!!!! Go see someone for advice. You are married and he can't throw you out onto the street but you need to start getting your information/financials together.

Since it's hard for you to see what we see from your post, all is not fine if you are going through this. If your best friend called you and told you she was going through all this, what would you say to her?

Sorry but you may not want to hear all this and will start in with all the but he's this and he's that and he only does this because and he only gets mad because I do this or that....you may try and minimize how he treats you, but he's made it clear that he would clearly throw you away if you don't like how he treats you.

Singlenotsingle · 07/08/2018 06:45

Isn't he supposed to love you? He doesn't sound very loving to me. He sounds like an idiot who's completely lost the plot. Get out of there before he does some serious damage

Nellia · 07/08/2018 06:52

Sounds like a controlling man child with issues that need to be addressed.

What was his reasoning for refusing counselling?
Does he recognise that you are at the end of your teather with him, or has it been going on so long that he thinks his behaviour is normal and that their shouldnt be any fall out?

cakecakecheese · 07/08/2018 07:42

It's time to make a permanent break. This is horrible behaviour.

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